(no subject)
what to talk about what to talk about... for starters i am pretty tired with life. My best friend tries to screw me... people i hardly know try to screw me... its pretty awesome really. the majority of my exeter friends arent around/work as much as i do so we cant really chill. My hometown friends... well, half of them steer my life in the direction of the father i have but hardly know. I find myself hanging out with kids who are out of/didnt graduate HS who are doing all of the same exact things i imagine my father did when he was my age. Smoking weed, drinking, etc. All the kids i chill with on this side of the fence are doing coke, working temp jobs/construction (my dad was a dry waller) and have kids they pay child support for.. I feel like i am turing towards something i dont even know anything about, but i feel it happening. I fear there is some weird genetic thing that supresses my intelligence and makes me work my ass off so i can chill out at night. I mean, work ethic is venerable, but if one is simply working to buy another oz or... i mean, its weird. I dont want to go that road.
it seemed i instigated some change when i started working out hardcore. I mean, physical "acheivement" is something i am always thinking about, but of course burning one down isnt lifting a weight... Its a complete yin yang scenario, one day i am little prepster chillin with people who dont even know what i do with my spare time, and the next i am getting ripped and evading the law. I like both sides.
Its probably the transition to "adulthood". When you stop spending time with your "buds" and start getting into family mode.. I mean, for my college chums that is entirely not the case. The only problem with college friends is that no matter how much time you spend together, etc etc, its still not the same as having a friend you grew up with. I guess i have been used to having a side kick or a trifecta even... A couple poeple you are hella tight with that you can always look to. There are a few vermonters i can happily say that about, but they arent here this summer. Its me versus reality.
In terms of women... i feel like i have been eyeballing backroads on a globe instead of mapquesting directions. Everywhere i look i see familiar landmarks, but it always turns out to be the wrong turn. yeah im the similie master, assymetrical matrix divider, third order diff eq brain solver, the hardest metaphor monger north of cambridge. cool. and i take finals drunk/high. i can do better than that surely. just tell me what to do? help me on my way, point the light and say its safe
it seemed i instigated some change when i started working out hardcore. I mean, physical "acheivement" is something i am always thinking about, but of course burning one down isnt lifting a weight... Its a complete yin yang scenario, one day i am little prepster chillin with people who dont even know what i do with my spare time, and the next i am getting ripped and evading the law. I like both sides.
Its probably the transition to "adulthood". When you stop spending time with your "buds" and start getting into family mode.. I mean, for my college chums that is entirely not the case. The only problem with college friends is that no matter how much time you spend together, etc etc, its still not the same as having a friend you grew up with. I guess i have been used to having a side kick or a trifecta even... A couple poeple you are hella tight with that you can always look to. There are a few vermonters i can happily say that about, but they arent here this summer. Its me versus reality.
In terms of women... i feel like i have been eyeballing backroads on a globe instead of mapquesting directions. Everywhere i look i see familiar landmarks, but it always turns out to be the wrong turn. yeah im the similie master, assymetrical matrix divider, third order diff eq brain solver, the hardest metaphor monger north of cambridge. cool. and i take finals drunk/high. i can do better than that surely. just tell me what to do? help me on my way, point the light and say its safe