Every Version of You (Part 2)
A wave of anger still rolling over him, Colin marched up to Bradley’s trailer, where he knew the other man was resting until his scenes later on. He pounded on the door and crossed his arms, holding desperately onto the feelings that brought him this far. He would not be sent away, he would not be sent away, he would not -
The door opened and Bradley poked his head out, the inquisitive look on his face fading into a carefully blank one once he saw Colin.
“’Lo there mate,” he said genially, leaning casually against the trailer door.
“We’re talking. Right now.” He stated tersely. He stated, he did not ask, because they were talking and Colin was getting answers.
Bradley stared at him a moment before he wordlessly stepped back in to the trailer. Colin followed him inside and turned to shut the door. He took a deep breath and then turned to face Bradley, who stared at a point over Colin’s shoulder.
This only served to strengthen his resolve and he steeled himself as he said, “What happened Bradley?” internally wincing at the desperate edge to his voice.
“What do you mean?” Bradley asked neutrally.
“I talked to Katie and Angel,” Colin snapped. “You stayed with me - him - the other Colin. You stayed with him for three weeks, and now you won’t even look me in the eye let alone talk to me.”
At this, Bradley looked at Colin in shock, and Colin hated how choked up he sounded as he said, “What happened Bradley? Did he do something? Say something?”
“No, he didn’t, he didn’t do anything wrong,” Bradley said hastily.
“Was he an asshole?”
“No! God, Colin, of course not, he’s you.”
“But he’s not,” Colin said desperately, wanting to make sure that Bradley knew it wasn’t his fault. That whatever the other Colin did, he would never do to Bradley. “Whatever it is he said or did that made you have a problem with me, you have to know that I’m not him.”
“I know you’re not him that’s the p-“ Bradley snapped before cutting himself off. A pained look passed over his face and he audibly swallowed before saying firmly and neutrally, “He was perfectly kind and welcoming, and we actually got on well. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit distant Colin, I’ve just been busy settling back down.”
Bradley smiled, a tired, fake smile, and something in Colin snapped. He swallowed the urge to roar and punch Bradley’s stupid fucking face in, because Bradley was lying to him, lyinglyinglyingLYING-
“That’s bullshit,” he spat out. “You’re lying to me Bradley. You’re perfectly fine with everyone else except for me. Something happened with the other Colin, and I want to know what.”
“Nothing happened-“
“Liar! You fucking liar!”
“Colin please,” Bradley sighed, and Colin could see that his lip was quivering and his eyes were watering, but he didn’t care, wouldn’t let himself care because Bradley had been punishing him for something he didn’t do, and he wanted to know what.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me!” He yelled, pushing Bradley, trying to vent the white-hot anger pumping through his veins.
“Col-“
“Tell me!” Another push.
“But-“
“No, no more lies!” Another.
“Okay fine, just give me a mo-“
“Oh for fuck sake Bradley-“
“I’M GAY!” Bradley bellowed, shoving Colin back, over and over again, until he had Colin pinned against the trailer door, and was grabbing him by the shoulders. “I’m gay, and he’s gay and we-“
He stopped, his eyes widening as he realised what he’d just said. He took a step and stumbled back a few more, while Colin stared at him, his expression turning horrified as he realised just what it was Bradley had revealed.
“Oh my God,” he whispered shakily, as his knees gave out and he sunk to the floor.
*****
Bradley did end up freaking out two days later, when he woke up after a dream about filming a scene with Colin. He glanced at the clock and jumped up with a shocked, “Shit, I’m late!”
It didn’t help that as he looked around the room, suddenly realising he wasn’t in the hotel, he spotted both his costume, which was draped over the back of a chair, and Colin, who was in the kitchen making breakfast.
“Where? Oh. OH.” Bradley suddenly remembered everything that had happened, where he was, where he was stuck. It hit him like a tonne of bricks and he physically crumpled into a heap on the bed as he dropped his head in his hands and moaned with grief.
“Bradley?” Colin called in concern, moving out of the kitchen and over to the bed.
“Oh my God I’m stuck in a parallel universe,” Bradley moaned. “I’ll never be able to go home, or see my friends or go to work-“
He got completely overwhelmed at this point and curled further in on himself, absolutely not crying.
He jumped when he felt two arms wrap themselves securely around him, but quickly relaxed and leaned against Colin who murmured, “It’s okay Bradley, just let it out.”
He continued to murmur nonsensical soothing things and rubbed his hands up and down Bradley’s arms and back as Bradley cried out all the stress, confusion and terror that had been building up in his system.
“If there was a way to get you here, then there’s a way to get you back home.”
“But what if there isn’t?” Bradley asked, voice muffled against Colin’s side where he’d buried his head.
“Then we’ll figure out how to build you a life in this world,” Colin said reassuringly, then added mischievously, “I don’t suppose Bradley James would believe he had a long-lost twin brother?”
Bradley snorted, slowly pulled his head up and then replied in a similar tone, “I’ve always liked the name Arthur…”
The two men laughed, and Bradley felt better and more ready to deal with his situation.
“And if that doesn’t work out then I suppose I could put you up here for the rest of our lives,” Colin teased.
“That would be too much of a hardship.” Bradley grinned in return.
Colin chuckled, gave Bradley a squeeze and then stood with a, “Breakfast’s ready. You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.”
Bradley hummed in agreement and stood to join him.
For all the ways that this Colin was like the one in his world, he was also very different. This Colin was much more relaxed and at ease with himself and those around him, and was much more giving with his affections, something that had taken Bradley a while to get used to. Of course this could be just how he was around Bradley, or in private; Bradley was reminded of a few times back in his world, when he and Colin would hole themselves up in one of their hotel rooms and get tipsy, and Colin would show shades of this relaxed behaviour. Then, it had seemed rather endearing, but now, seeing the full effect from this Colin was awe-inspiring, and slightly heart-breaking when Bradley thought of how his Colin must feel held back or not comfortable enough with himself.
There was also this… thing between this Colin and Bradley, in the way that they looked at and brushed against each other, an almost seductive flirtation that turned Bradley’s lower body molten. It stayed below the surface, simmering between them, and Bradley itched to give in to what they both wanted. The truth was that, for as long as he’d wanted Colin as more than just a friend, he’d been telling himself that it was wrong to think of it and ignore the crazy feelings he had. He also felt vaguely guilty about thinking of doing anything with another Colin, while wanting to take what this Colin was willing to give, something the Colin in his universe would never be willing to give. He wanted to try it with Colin, but worried about what would happen if he found a way back to his world. It was a huge tangled mess of thoughts and emotion, but it boiled down to one simple thing: Bradley had wanted Colin for a long time and he was willing to take any opportunity to even get a taste of what it would be like. It was simply a matter of finding the right moment to try.
Colin and Bradley had established a sort of routine in the two days Bradley had been staying there: they woke up when it suited them, usually around the same time, Colin cooked breakfast (generally involving eggs and toast), they ate and chatted a bit, then cleaned up together, took turns showering, chatted some more about themselves, the differences in their worlds, and telly shows, films, music and books they liked. They had lunch and Colin would usually pop out to the shop while Bradley would fiddle around with his laptop and surf the net, while most definitely not googling himself or anyone else he knew (it would be too painful). In the evening, Bradley would peruse Colin’s record collection and try to get Colin to sing along with him, while Colin would laugh and continue getting dinner ready. Afterwards, they’d read the newspaper and talk some more until one or both of them started to drift off.
And in between all that, Bradley discovered a love of reading he never knew he had; as a child and teenager he’d always been too hyper and busy running around and playing football to bother with reading that wasn’t homework, and later on in life, he’d only ever read scripts or drama books. Reading had always been a chore, but now, with no one or nothing forcing him to, Bradley went from flicking through books in idle curiosity, to reading small passages to reading the whole things. Colin teased him the first time he’d caught Bradley curled up on a chair, totally engrossed in a book and ignoring the smell of dinner, but it was with a fond smile, so Bradley simply focused on that.
However, as much as Bradley was enjoying himself, he missed being outside and soaking up the sun. He said so as he and Colin were cleaning up after breakfast, and Colin looked pensive before he said, “come on,” and led Bradley into his bedroom.
Bradley was about to question him, but the words died on his lips when he saw that most of the wall behind Colin’s bed was taken up by two huge windows.
“I know it’s not the same,” Colin said as he opened them both, letting in fresh air and sounds from outside, “but you could lie here and pretend you’re out in a park?”
Bradley felt a tiny bit choked up at this kind gesture, so he simply nodded, swallowed and said, “yeah, that’d be great. Cheers mate.”
He climbed up on the bed and lay back, only then realising he was lying on Colin’s bed clad only in his boxers. He cleared his throat and glanced at Colin, doing a double take when he saw Colin looking at him with lust-filled eyes.
‘Oh God, oh God, oh God…’
Hoping his smile didn’t look too awkward, Bradley patted the space beside him and said, “Care to join me in my imaginary park?”
Colin flushed, coughed and nodded, before climbing carefully onto the bed and lying down beside him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and hummed happily as the warmth and sunshine washed over him. As much as Bradley wanted to do the same, he couldn’t stop staring at Colin, clad only in his boxers, bathed in sunlight and looking like the most beautiful and desirable thing Bradley had ever seen. Without thinking, he lifted his hand and stroked it down Colin’s cheek. Colin inhaled sharply and turned to look at Bradley questioningly, but Bradley could see it underneath - the lust, the heat, the desire, and he was powerless to stop himself from rolling into Colin’s space and claiming his mouth. Colin gasped and suddenly, his tongue was in Bradley’s mouth and his hands were everywhere: carding through Bradley’s hair, scratching lightly down his arms and back, squeezing his ass and pulling Bradley fully on top of him. Bradley groaned, shoved his legs in between Colin’s, pulled one of Colin’s legs up to wrap around his waist and rolled his hips. Colin’s hips thrust up and he threw his head back with a deep moan. Bradley immediately latched onto his neck, biting, sucking and licking, while Colin wrapped his other leg around Bradley’s waist and sunk his hands in Bradley’s hair, his hips rocking in time with Bradley’s.
“Oh God Colin,” Bradley groaned in between kisses, “want you, need you. Want to taste you, all of you.”
“Yes,” Colin panted. “Yes, God Bradley please.”
With this encouragement, Bradley moved down Colin’s body, hands tracing a path across Colin’s clavicle, his nipples, stomach and ribs; his lips and tongue followed, while Colin moaned and urged him on. Finally Bradley made it to his boxers, where the tip of his cock was poking out. Bradley nuzzled his erection and kissed the tip, his tongue dipping briefly into the slit.
Colin cursed as his hips thrust up and he pushed and tugged at Bradley’s shoulders and hair. “Come on Bradley please,” he begged, and Bradley was helpless to do anything but obey.
With a nip at Colin’s hip, he pulled Colin’s boxers down and off, tossing them to the floor as he took in Colin’s cock, flushed red, long and hard with a deliciously prominent vein running up the underside. Bradley licked his lips and Colin groaned, his legs parting further and his hips twitching. Shuffling down a bit more so he was lying in between Colin’s legs, Bradley licked Colin’s erection from base to tip and swirled his tongue in the slit, gathering up some pre-cum to taste, before fitting his mouth over the head and sucking.
“Jesus!” Colin cried, his hips bucking up and Bradley loved it, loved all of it, and went to town on Colin.
He bobbed his head up and down, working with the thrust of Colin’s hips, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked, and kept his tongue swirling around as much of Colin’s dick as he could, while his hands stroked Colin’s hips, chest, balls and perineum, and ventured further down to Colin’s hole, while he humped the mattress and groaned at the sheer want pumping through his veins.
Colin’s cries were growing louder and louder, until suddenly he was pulling Bradley’s head up, saying, “Bradley - kiss - touch - need to touch you.”
Bradley immediately moved back up Colin’s body and he claimed his mouth in a fierce kiss, while Colin shoved his boxers down, wrapped his legs around Bradley’s and took them both in hand, stroking quickly and firmly. Bradley gave a sharp cry, his hips thrusting and his arms coming between Colin and the mattress as he wrapped his arms around Colin’s shoulders. He could feel his orgasm quickly approaching: his stomach tightened to the point of pain, his balls drew up and his toes curled. The feel of another cock against his, the friction of Colin’s hand, the sound of Colin’s moans and whimpers that were getting louder and more drawn out, were too much for Bradley, and he buried his face against Colin’s neck and keened as his orgasm washed over him like a tidal wave. He heard Colin shout and felt his hips stutter as he came, and the two collapsed in a sated heap as they revelled in the afterglow.
*****
Colin was nearly hyperventilating and he couldn’t COULDN’T wrap his mind around Bradley’s revelation, nor could he stop the images that were flashing through his head: Bradley and the other Colin kissing, touching each other, Bradley naked, smiling his soft, delighted smile that had only ever been Colin’s, but was now some other Colin’s. Colin sucked down air and shook as he clutched at his hair, trying to make sense of what was going on. He felt violated and betrayed and mostly sick to his stomach, and he couldn’t focus on why, or what he needed to do about it.
“Colin,” Bradley said, his voice wrecked, and there was a hand on his knee, and Colin felt too raw and exposed and jerked away with a shrill, “No!”
He backed around and away from Bradley, shuffling on his feet and hands further into the trailer, looking anywhere but at the blond-haired man who he’d once trusted more than anyone else in his life.
Bradley collapsed on the ground, his shoulders shaking as he fought back tears.
“Why?” Coin said eventually, his voice tight and a little wild. “Why…him - me?”
“Because I’ve wanted you for so long,” Bradley replied in a low and devastated voice. “Because I’ve been in love with you for two years and I never thought - never let myself think - that I could ever have you. And he…” Bradley took a shuddery breath, “he wanted me. I, I didn’t know if I was ever going to get back here, thought I might be stuck there for the rest of my life. We talked about it, he knew, but he wanted to anyway. I couldn’t, couldn’t give up the chance to be with him, especially when I didn’t know if I’d be coming back.”
Bradley buried his face in his hands and gave in to the soft sobs that were clawing at the back of his throat.
*****
“Oh God,” Bradley moaned contentedly against Colin’s chest, “I can see why the French call it a Little Death.”
Colin chuckled and continued to stroke his fingers through Bradley’s hair. Once their breathing had returned to normal, the two men had been content to cuddle and kiss languidly, each enjoying the feel of another body against their own. Bradley felt Colin tense beneath him and placed a kiss on his chest before looking up inquisitively.
“Bradley…if you want to try to find a way home, I will help you,” Colin said, staring up at the ceiling.
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” Bradley snorted. He kissed Colin’s chest once again, and rubbed it soothingly as he said, “I would say through that if there’s a way, then it’s likely that my friends or someone working on Merlin will find it. I know that we both wanted this,” he continued, waving a hand between them, “but I don’t know how long I’ll be here, or if I’ll be pulled back or not…”
“Which is why I’d like to make the most of whatever time we have together,” Colin said in a hopeful tone.
Bradley smiled in delight and nodded, before leaning up and kissing Colin deeply, nipping at his lips.
“If I were your friends I wouldn’t sleep until I found a way to get you back,” Colin whispered, and warmth bloomed in Bradley’s chest, so much so that he fairly tackled Colin and the two rolled so that Colin was on top, very eager to explore Bradley’s body and bring them both to pleasure again.
Afterwards, when they were panting in each other’s arms Bradley turned to Colin and said in a serious voice, “If or when I’m gone, I want you to find the other Bradley. Get Katie to introduce you. You two would make each other very happy.”
“You think?” Colin asked, snuggling against him.
“Yeah, and if he’s as much like me as Katie said, he’ll love you.”
There was a pause, and then Colin said softly, “you really care for the Colin in your world.”
“I never let myself think about it,” Bradley replied honestly, shrugging.
Colin kissed the top of his head and then rolled away, saying, “come on, we both need a shower.”
Bradley pushed away any melancholy thoughts creeping into his head and joined Colin, earning a shout of laughter from the black-haired man when he smacked his arse.
That night, Bradley stayed with Colin in his bed, and when he woke in the middle of the night, disorientated and slightly panicked, he simply rolled back into Colin’s embrace and let himself drift off, feeling at peace with where he was and what he’d found.
*****
Bradley couldn’t take the way Colin was looking at him, like he was the worst, most horrible thing Colin had ever seen, like his heart was breaking because of Bradley. Bradley had already felt like his heart was torn out the moment he was pulled back into his world. He’d lost Colin as a love, and he had been trying so hard to put his heart back together and accept that that had been the end of it, believing that that was the worst he would ever feel.
But now, the way Colin was looking at him, coupled with the fact that Bradley was losing him as a friend too made the previous heartache pale in comparison. He clutched his chest, at the spot where his heart was fluttering and cracking, and knew that if he stayed there he would break down, that if he actually heard Colin say that he never wanted to see or talk to Bradley again, he wouldn’t survive it. He needed to get out of this trailer, away from Colin, hide in the shell of Arthur for a while, and then go back to his hotel room and let himself break down before trying to put himself back together. Alone.
Colin threw him another look of betrayal and Bradley jumped up, scrabbling for the trailer door and stumbling out into the fresh air and sunshine, practically running away from the trailer and the man inside.
He wished he’d never been brought back, that he was back with Colin and not in this God-forsaken world where he had nothing. Tears dripped down his face even as he fought them and the memories of what he had been torn from washed over him.
*****
Bradley had been staying with Colin for nearly three weeks, and they’d settled into a wonderful routine. It was essentially the same as the routine they had established the first couple of days Bradley had been there - breakfast, chatting, lunch, music, talking, reading, dinner and more talking - only now there was also sex. A lot of sex - in the morning before breakfast, any time during the day that it struck their fancy, and at night. Colin and Bradley couldn’t get enough of each other, and explored all the different ways they could express their desire.
Bradley loved nothing more than to push Colin down on the bed and climb on top of him, teasing them both mercilessly before he sunk down on Colin’s cock and rode him until they shook from the force of their orgasms. Colin on the other hand, preferred being taken from behind, loving the feel of Bradley draped over his back as he rocked into him with short, brutal thrusts.
There was touching too, which eternally delighted Bradley: he would grab Colin whenever the other man passed by, wrap his arms around the slender Irishman as he cooked, and kiss him on the cheek as they cleaned side by side. In the evening s they would curl up together on the couch and share secrets, listen to music, or read to each other. It was pure domestic bliss and Bradley felt heady with how contented he was. If it weren’t for the odd text from Katie, he’d have forgotten there was a world outside of their cosy apartment.
“Did you have a sword with you when you first got here?” Colin asked one night, looking at his phone in confusion.
“Um…oh my God yes! I must have left it in Katie’s car,” Bradley replied.
Colin laughed and passed the phone to him, saying, “I don’t think you did.”
Bradley frowned, took the phone and promptly burst out laughing when he read the text from Katie.
OMG YOU GOBSHITE YOU LEFT YOUR SWORD IN BRADLEY’S SITTING ROOM. HE’S FREAKING OUT!!! >:(
Still laughing, he typed, TELL HIM IT’S AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT, HE’LL LOVE IT! pressed send and tossed the phone to the floor before leaning over Colin with a cheeky, “Let me show you what I can do with my sword.”
The only thing wrong was the possibility of Bradley going back to his world looming over their heads. For every smile and laugh and round of amazingly hot sex, there was a voice in the back of his head, asking just how long this was going to last and, when was it was going to be the last time he got to be with Colin like this. Bradley kept wondering if this would be hanging over him the rest of his life, or when would it be acceptable for him to let go of his world and embrace his new life here. Shamefully enough, he was ready to now. He wanted to turn to Colin and tell him he loved him and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him… but there was something holding him back, some small part of him that missed his old life and his world, and wanted to go home. He decided to give it a bit more time; it would fade eventually.
On the morning that marked Bradley being in the parallel universe three weeks, he woke up feeling strange. It was like there was a strange tug in his gut, and the part of him that wanted to go home flared up stronger than ever. The feeling stayed with him as he had sex with Colin, and he clung to the other man desperately in response. It stayed with him through breakfast and his shower, and by the time he and Colin sat down to read in the living room it had gotten stronger, feeling like a physical pull on his body. He grabbed Colin’s hand, held it tightly and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the feeling to go away.
“Bradley? What’s wrong?” Colin asked in concern, squeezing his hand back.
“I…I think I’m being pulled back,” Bradley replied, his voice wavering.
Colin gasped, and when Bradley looked at him, he saw what he knew was reflected in his own eyes: grief, loss and bitter disappointment. Colin was suddenly in his space, kissing him desperately and the two men clung to each other, while the tug got stronger and stronger.
“Colin,” Bradley gasped. “Promise me you’ll find him, promise.”
“I will,” Colin vowed, his eyes watering. “Bradley, I…” He trailed off, searching Bradley’s eyes, and Bradley smiled and said, “Me too.”
They kissed again and the tug manifested itself into one sharp pull before Bradley found himself in the middle of a forest surrounded by people. He looked around, bewildered, and suddenly Colin was back in his arms, murmuring his name over and over.
‘Oh thank God I didn’t lose him,’ he thought as he buried his face against Colin’s neck and sighed in relief.
Except…something was wrong, something was very wrong. Colin smelt and felt different, and why were they in a forest? The moment Colin mentioned that they’d gotten him back, he realised what was wrong; this wasn’t his Colin. Only it was, because he was back in his world.
Too many emotions for him to deal with swelled within him - he was elated to be back and to be able to live freely, but he’d just lost something incredibly precious, something he would never have again. As everyone crowded in to greet him, he received them just as enthusiastically, and discovered that he had missed them far more than he had realised.
Over the next two weeks Bradley felt incrementally better about being back. Settling back into his life, especially after having only been gone three weeks, had proven surprisingly difficult, and Bradley was growing weary. Some parts were easy: getting back into filming for one, helped by the fact that being Arthur was like putting on his favourite tracksuit, comfortable and familiar. Bantering with the crew and falling back in with his friends and reconnecting with his family had been joyous and fun. Everything was pretty much back to normal, except for a persistent ache in Bradley’s heart where something was missing. Except for Colin, the one thing that was making settling back in so difficult. Colin, who Bradley had made fall apart in ecstasy, who he’d made laugh and smile in delight and who’d kissed him with so much love and passion-
It was so very hard for Bradley to be around Colin, and when he had to be around the other man, he flew between feeling so desperately in love he could burst to feeling so heartbroken it was all he could do not to curl up and never expose himself to the other man again. He was terrified of being alone around Colin, afraid that he’d forget where he was, which Colin he was with and he’d do something stupid, something that would ruin their friendship completely.
He needed time, just a little bit, away from Colin, so he could sort out his pathetic mess of a heart and get over what had happened. Only Colin wasn’t letting him - he was constantly barging into Bradley’s space, wanting to talk or hang out or anything, and Bradley was fast losing the resolve to turn him down. He realised that Colin wasn’t going to give up, and on the day that Colin turned up at his trailer, anger visibly radiating off him, Bradley knew that this was as far as he could go. There was no avoiding Colin, so he let the other man in and steeled himself for a difficult conversation.
*****
(Part 3)