(no subject)
I feel so crazy.........Actually, I dunno what I feel like. I can't describe it as being happy or sad. I'm just in the middle. I "feel" crazy though. It could be the recent drama this past week, plus my mind will go into moments where I'm sitting here thinking about my life and where its going and blah blah blah. I feel like I'm so focused, still, that going out and having fun isn't my idea of fun. And its not....not anymore....I mean, its cool to go out and get drunk once in a blue and just have a crazy night, which I haven't had since....labor day, but.....I spend so much time at the studio that its like.....I dunno. I don't feel like I need a break. When something becomes your life...its really becomes your life. It's literally a full-time job.
I'm enjoying myself, but I'm starting to feel stuck........I dunno......I want to move to chicago and forget about everyone and everything and just start over......thats how I'm feeling....
Saw Madonna's documentary tonight.......she said something about soulmates that was.....amazing......I wish I remembered the whole quote. I feel like maybe because I've listened to her for so long, studied her for so long, made myself idolize her....I understand when she says certain things....why she does certain things and the point that she's trying to make......she's such an artist that its come to a point where it has transended her music. Granted, her music isn't as it used to be....her tours...what she does with them, the statements she makes...the costumes....the dancers...the message....its just.....amazing. And when I see things like that, I come back to realize why I wanted to be an artist. And then it makes me sad because I feel like I've lost track of that. I've gotten so into what everyone else thinks of an artform and the things that aren't even important about it, but it is important because thats what gets you the jobs........I just don't know.....What the hell was I put on this earth for? Why am I expereienceing all of these situations and why do I feel like no one is thinking on my level? Granted....the thoughts of a normal 20-something year old still creeps into my mind, but I feel like I think of things and challenges that people just.....let pass them by......Maybe cuz its gonna rain tomorrow, I feel like this......I dunno........I just need to find my way and fast....
I'm enjoying myself, but I'm starting to feel stuck........I dunno......I want to move to chicago and forget about everyone and everything and just start over......thats how I'm feeling....
Saw Madonna's documentary tonight.......she said something about soulmates that was.....amazing......I wish I remembered the whole quote. I feel like maybe because I've listened to her for so long, studied her for so long, made myself idolize her....I understand when she says certain things....why she does certain things and the point that she's trying to make......she's such an artist that its come to a point where it has transended her music. Granted, her music isn't as it used to be....her tours...what she does with them, the statements she makes...the costumes....the dancers...the message....its just.....amazing. And when I see things like that, I come back to realize why I wanted to be an artist. And then it makes me sad because I feel like I've lost track of that. I've gotten so into what everyone else thinks of an artform and the things that aren't even important about it, but it is important because thats what gets you the jobs........I just don't know.....What the hell was I put on this earth for? Why am I expereienceing all of these situations and why do I feel like no one is thinking on my level? Granted....the thoughts of a normal 20-something year old still creeps into my mind, but I feel like I think of things and challenges that people just.....let pass them by......Maybe cuz its gonna rain tomorrow, I feel like this......I dunno........I just need to find my way and fast....