thinking, thinking and more thinking
One would think that having time to think that having time to think would be a good thing. I was recently "demoted" at my job and placed in a position that has an abundance of extra time. My previous position was ridiculously stressful and exhausting. But being the "Can Do" person that I am, I dealt with it for all the time that it was given to me. If I am honest then I will admit that it did take its toll on me. I would dream about doing HUDs, I would obsess about the pile of things that had to be done on my weekends and while I was at home, I was spending increasingly less time with my family. And to me this is the worst because my family is the reason why I do the things that I do. My husband and my son are my motivation to keep moving forward despite all the things that life has thrown at me. And my work was moving them away from them. My son is young and I absolutely adore everything about him. I am accutely aware that he will grow up faster than I want him to. And my former job was not one where I could bring him with me. So why am I still a little sad? Because. Just because. I put alot of work into that job. I sacrificed time with my family for that job and it had me literally running on a rollercoaster. Now I am forced by the guiding hand of the universe to slow down. I dont have the adrenaline rush anymore that used to constantly be my friend. The piles of requests and faxes and emails have trickled down to only a few. I could do this job with 5% of the brain cells that I use during my normal commute. I am now forced to find ways to keep myself occupied. But mostly I have tons of time to stop and think about things. I am forced to examine myself and really see where I want things to go for myself. I am so used to doing that now it is a little hard just thinking.