as hard as it is there are some things that i have to cut back on
having a kid takes money. now i have been extremely lucky with this child. i dont have to pay for formula. i have spent very very little on clothing. my childcare is basically 60 bucks a week and lets face it, my aunt will spoil my child more than i will. my uncle splits half my cell phone bill with me. with darrell helping me, i am actually making out very good. but raising a child takes money and i refuse to have my child grow up with the "this could be the last day of having anything" mindset. my child will learn how to budget and live within his means. he will learn about quality. he will never have to worry about where the next meal will come from or if mommy can pay rent. i want ayo to have safety and security. the world is an uncertain jungle and i refuse to contribute towards any paranoid feelings that he may develop. i can thank my mother for my money issues but that will not be a genetic gift that i will pass onto my child.
now in order to do this i have to 1) be realistic about my life and the things that i do, and 2) set a good example for my child to follow. right now i really want to move. i do hate my one bedroom apartment but do i hate it enough to zap my savings? d. is having car problems today and we may even have to go back to sharing one car. d. needs to find another job. while i am confident in his abilities and determination to provide for his family, right now some things need to slow down until we are both on some more stable footing. i am still waiting to hear from my boss about doing closings. now if i get approved to do that then we can look forward to some additional income. but right now i have 300 in my savings account and that is the only thing saving me from living paycheck to paycheck. not much of a cushion huh? now do i want to be the parent that lives paycheck to paycheck and instills that into her child? hell no. and so i am shelving my plan to move into a house. damn!! i really did want to move too. but moving will bring some temporary joy and more problems right now. still. DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! i really did want to move. but moving will kill my savings and our monthly expenses will go up. right now we need to save more and then when we are in a better position, move. DAMN DAMN DAMN THOUGH!! this shit sucks!! i kindof hate being an adult and being responsible.