Fic - Battle of the Bands - MIddle Earth - Aragorn/Legolas - PG
Title: Battle of the Bands - Middle Earth!
Chapters: One through Six with Prologue, Interlude, and Epilogue
Author: phyncke
Character(s): Aragorn/Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Boromir, Gimli, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Lurtz, Gollum/Smeagol, Bilbo, Sauron, Saruman, Glorfindel, Haldir, Galadriel, Celeborn,
Beta: Keiliss
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they are the property of JRR Tolkien and his estate, and I have borrowed them for my own amusement and for yours I hope.
Feedback: Much appreciated.
Summary: The fate of Middle Earth rests on rock and roll!
Note: Some canon-verse and some movie verse. A mixture. Lots of AU here.
Prologue - The 60’s
Isildur was THE MAN. He rocked Sauron’s ring off, literally. He played such a righteous riff there when his Pops died in the middle of the Last Alliance’s last stand that the ring came right off the dude’s hand. It was amazing! It must have been a combination of grief and fury that made him play so hard. His guitar neck split from the strength of his conviction, he was rockin’ it that hard.
Anyway, the rest is, shall we say, history. Izzy kept the ring and it betrayed him and got away. Some think it rolled down the sewer when he was walking home one night with his mates. It is a fickle thing that ring, and it killed ole Isildur. You cannot trust a R.O.P. (that’s ring of power, in case you were wondering) especially THE ONE.
Time passed and music changed and THE ONE was found again - Bilbo Baggins came upon it on the floor of The Goblin Cave, a really dark and skanky place when he was running with Thorin’s lot. He traded riddles with the creature, Gollum or Smeagol as he once was known in better days. They chatted and questioned and Bilbo got the best of him. He drove the skulker quite mad with this last one,
“What have I got in my pocket?”
That set Gollum right off and Bilbo put on the ring, disappearing into thin air. He knew then that the ring was special.
Later, Bilbo passed THE ONE down to Frodo and by this time, Gandalf the Grey had it pretty much figured out. It was in fact, THE ONE with all that creepy writing on it and needed to be destroyed, which brings us to the present situation.
Chapter One - Café Rivendell and the Council of Elrond
The café was buzzing with activity. The barista was pulling coffee at a rapid pace and any manner of elf, dwarf and man were gathered for the Council called by the owner, half-elven Elrond of Café Rivendell. It was sometimes called Imladris and was a haven to local rockers, and they would often chill there nursing a hangover over a well brewed cuppa. Strider had known about the place since his days in the Dúnedain Rangers, a grunge band of scruffy looking dudes who could really play the head banging stuff. Isildur's broken guitar was prominently on display behind shatter proof glass as a hallowed item, much revered. It lay waiting for the day it would rock again and be repaired.
Now, he was here to help figure out what to do. He had escorted the four hobbits around town to safety getting them from Shire Street and their cozy hobbit holes all the way across to Café Rivendell. Frodo had been hurt along the way by one of the Nine, a band of wraiths who had been chasing them. The Witch King and lead singer of the Nine had stabbed Frodo with a morgul blade when the hobbit had resisted giving him THE ONE. Those dudes were obsessed with the R.O.P. and would do anything to get it. Luckily they had run into Glorfindel on his Harley and he had been able to get Frodo to the café quickly. Elrond had worked his healing magic and Frodo was doing better. He would always be affected but that was how these things went.
All the races were represented at the Council of Elrond: Gimli for the dwarves; Legolas for the Elves of Club Mirkwood, Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel for Café Rivendell; Gandalf the Grey who had been around since the 60’s and was a wizard on the keyboard; Frodo as the ringbearer and Bilbo as a former ringbearer; Boromir of Gondor, there for the race of Man; Aragorn or Strider as he was known, formerly of the Dúnedain Rangers, and others sat around the table on the patio out back. Little did they know three little hobbits hid in the bushes outside listening to every word that was said.
After an opening speech laden with meaning and epic in its epicness, Elrond said.
“Bring forth the ring, Frodo.”
The little hobbit stood and took the R.O.P. off the chain around his neck and placed it on the middle of the stone table in the center of the patio. It sparkled and pulsed in the afternoon light. People gasped and groaned around the circle as the weight and heft of that moment was felt. Frodo seemed relieved to be rid of the burden as he sat back down. We know that was only a temporary reprieve.
In short order the discussion began about what to do. Gandalf detailed the treachery of Saruman and his captivity in a very tall skyscraper in the business district downtown and Bilbo recounted how he found the ring. Boromir wanted to wield it as a weapon and take it back to Gondor based on some dream he’d had which had been full of portents and premonitions. Thus began a vigorous argument.
The greater wisdom was that THE ONE needed to be unmade in the fire from whence it came - Mordor Fire behind the Black Gate. Everyone seemed to want to talk at once then and chaos erupted at the Council. The attendees were standing and yelling and it seemed that no one would agree on who would see to this impossible task. The ring glowed and gloated from where it was on the table.
“I will take it! I will take it!” Frodo said. “Though I do not know the way.” He added when everyone was looking at him.
Legolas had risen to Aragorn’s defense when Boromir challenged him at Council and he did not understand the impulse. Maybe it was that mad crush he’d had on Aragorn when he had been the lead in the Dúnedain Rangers. Legolas had had a poster on his wall and collected all their singles. Now he was volunteering for this new band and he had a feeling it was because of the man’s involvement. It was impulsive yet he did so anyway. Usually he was more thoughtful in his actions and he was not sure his father, Thranduil, would approve.
Elrond outlined the plan: a tour through the neighborhood of Middle Earth as the newly formed concept band, “ The Fellowship of the Ring”, culminating in the Battle of the Bands for all of Arda. It would be rockin’ and very dangerous. There were wraiths and orcs and spiders to contend with along the way and other nasty creatures. The goal was to get Frodo and the R.O.P. behind the Black Gate into Mordor’s Fire into the Doom Furnace to unmake the ring. They would have to use all their skills as rockers and musicians extraordinaire.
“Rock on.” Elrond said in all seriousness. “Rock on.”
Chapter Two - Got to Feel Percussion
The Fellowship had a newly acquired rehearsal space down by the river in an old warehouse. They had a van and had gotten all the instruments they needed second hand at a few stores around town.
Most of them knew what they were doing - Strider played a mean guitar and could do lead vocals; Gimli had his axe or bass guitar and could back him up; Boromir laid down a mean beat on a 6 piece drum kit; Legolas added some lightness and a little Jethro Tull sound by playing the piccolo and flute; Gandalf, of course, was a wizard on the keyboard and could mix up any kind of sound you want to think of.
The hobbits, well, they did not play anything really but they were musical beings and Aragorn brought in a whole box of percussion instruments for them to choose from and they were really jazzed about that. Sam got a kick out of the cowbell and would hit it with a drumstick and laugh all at the same time. Frodo picked the tambourine and would wack it against his thigh and shake it pretty good. Merry liked the maracas and had good rhythm with those, adding a depth to the sound of the band, while Pippin chose the sleigh bell as an accent to certain songs. In this manner they all “played” something and added elements to the music of the Fellowship.
At first their music sounded like a racket with everyone playing at once in an unruly cacophony of sound and noise. Some bands started out rough and had to refine their groove. They did not really have any songs that they knew so Aragorn searched his memory for ones that might work for this crew. He thought and thought and Legolas did too, but Merry and Pippin piped up with one that they both knew.
Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go
To heal my heart and drown my woe.
Rain may fall and wind may blow,
And many miles be still to go,
But under a tall tree I will lie,
And let the clouds go sailing by.(1)
The others smiled as the hobbits sang and shook their maracas and bells to the rhyme. They could set this one to a down beat and repeat the last two lines and there was a song. Boromir began to drum a bit to set the tempo and soon they had a nice rocking arrangement for that one with some radical hobbit lead vocals. The hobbits had lots of cheery tunes that they could set to an upbeat and add harmonies to. The piccolo sounded just right as a background to the happy music.
After working a while, the band took a break, some of them heading over to Café Rivendell for supper. Aragorn stayed behind to work on a solo number that he wanted to put together, a sad story of mortal and elven love - The Lay of Beren and Lúthien. Legolas stayed with him to provide accompaniment on the flute and work out the harmonic elements of the song. At times he would play and at times he would sing harmony with Aragorn and their voices would blend beautifully. The elf prince possessed a lilting, melodic voice while Strider’s was somewhat course, though they did sound well together when they sang.
…Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of ireon and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.(2)
When they finished, the two notes seemed suspended on the moment and then dissolved into a poignant silence.
“Better to love for one life time, than never at all,” Legolas murmured, looking into Aragorn’s troubled eyes.
“I suppose that is true and it is a good way to look at it. Their story always seemed so tragic to me, but when you put it like that…”
“Yes, imagine had they never found one another.”
“I cannot.” Aragorn said somewhat wistfully and put down his acoustic guitar which he had been strumming through the song as they performed.
“It will make kind of a soulful number for our set and I think the chicks will like it.”
“For sure.” Aragorn agreed. “For sure.”
The two ambled off to the café to join the rest of the band as they supped.
Chapter Three - What’s the buzz, tell me what’s happening!
All around town, people were gearing up for a radical and epic Battle of the Bands - Middle Earth.
It was truly going to be stupendous in all of its glorious wonder. Orcs were making an orcish racket in The Goblin Cave most nights; the trolls were hoarding treasures and avoiding the dawn; Saruman was fabricating his Uruk-kai from corporate headquarters of Isengard Incorporated downtown; Sauron was breathing fire from behind The Black Gate and scheming on ways to get the R.O.P. He really needed that thing as he was literally a ring of fire and could not take corporeal form. He wanted to be real in a visceral kind of way.
Still, he was quite powerful. He had a gazillion orcs out postering for the Battle of the Bands and the Dark Lord (D.L.) was using it as a way to ensnare THE ONE. He knew it had been found by Gollum and then later grabbed by Bilbo Baggins of Shire Street so he was well aware of the importance of hobbits in this whole scheme. He had his own entry in the contest - The Nine out scouring for the little people. They wore hoods and long robes and looked a lot like the Grim Reaper and were dead but not dead, totally creepy, once kings of men but now the wraithlike stuff of nightmares. He also had some orc entries playing some wicked thrash music.
Everyone was signing up for the Battle of the Bands and it was shaping up to be truly cataclysmic. Here are some of the acts that were expected to participate:
The Righteous Riders of Rohan
Grima and the Wormtongues
Shieldmaiden, a solo folk rock indie act starring Eowyn
Faramir and the Second Sons
Denethor and the Crazy Tones
Minas Morgulites
Guards of the Citadel
Helmsdeepheads
The White Hands
The Mordor Heads
To name a few. There would be bands every night in direct competition with each other and the Fellowship would have to really show their stuff as they made their way to Mordor. They must never lose sight of their real goal, which was to get to the Doom Furnace and destroy the ring and also destroy Sauron once and for all. Much as they liked the music, it was not totally the point, it was just a cover for their real mission.
The peoples of Middle Earth were up for grabs in this epic battle of music, darkness and light.
This would decide it all.
Chapter Four - And so it begins…
Aragorn liked to start his mornings in the warehouse by drinking copious amounts of hot coffee and then practicing his guitar. Their space was big enough that he did not bother the others, but Legolas enjoyed sitting on the overstuffed couch and listening to him strum and play. The elf would grab a cup of herbal tea and sit cross-legged as the mortal strummed and crooned. Sometimes they would play light duets with guitar and flute. The early morning hours became precious to them both.
Gimli was usually the one who interrupted them and he would come in with a gruff,“What’er you two up to this fine morning, eh?” as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and went in search of a spot of fine brewed coffee. Aragorn always left the extra behind in a pot on the counter. The dwarf poured some in a cup, added milk and a sugar cube and turned to the two in the corner.
“Don’t let me stop your playing. It sounded fine enough for this morning. Keep going.”
The two would continue but less intimately, less intently and perhaps less passionately than before. The presence of another changed the atmosphere of growing closeness between them.
As the others arose, on this day in particular, they were in fine spirits. The hobbits cooked a large breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and pancakes and they all sat around the large wooden table eating, drinking and making merry. If they felt the pressure, no one let on. After the meal, the hobbits and Gandalf had a nice game of smoke rings over pipe weed and the Wizard won hands down with the most elaborate rings of all. He could make ones in the shape of musical instruments while none of the hobbits could do that, much to the chagrin of the little people.
The afternoon was spent in a long rehearsal as they went over their entire song list. They only got to play one song in each battle but it was best to be prepared for any contingency. Other bands might not fight fair and they went over their whole repertoire of tunes and instrumentals. They did rockin’ numbers, dance numbers, soulful numbers, and very mellow ones for the chicks. The Fellowship could do it all, that was what made them so great together. Other bands had one sound but the Fellowship had range and heart. They even performed a dwarvish drinking round contributed by none other than Gimli, son of Gloin. One might call them multi-cultural.
After playing so much, Aragorn’s hands felt raw and blistered. He had welts and bubbles erupting on his palms and some that had burst due to the intensity with which he strummed his guitar. Legolas could not help noticing Strider’s discomfort and went to find his medicine kit full of balms and liniments. He insisted that the erstwhile musician let him tend to his wounds and soothed his injuries by applying a calming tincture. He tsked and clucked as he worked the medicine in efficiently. There was nothing more effective than elvish medicine.
Gandalf was also a wizard with lights and engineered a syncopated laser light show to go along with most of their music as was appropriate. He automated it with the mixing board and taught Elladan and Elrohir, twin sons of Elrond, how to run the lights. Bursts of brightness at the climactic points in their tunes would be sure to sway the crowds to their cause and progress them through the rounds of Battle of the Bands. Every element was important and would have an effect on the audience.
They spent some time working on their costumes, but they were mainly concerned with comfort while playing on stage. Legolas wore the colors of the elves of the Mirkwood Club and was dressed in greens, leggings and tunic. Aragorn wore similar clothes to his Dúnedain Ranger days, ripped jeans and a worn t-shirt. Gandalf favored long robes and wizard garb to give off the image of magic and wizardry. The hobbits wore pantaloons, shirts and shirt jackets which were standard clothing for the little people. Gimli was rustically attired in leather tunic and a leather kilt-like garment, in the manner of most dwarves. He liked to carry his bass or axe as he called it across his back so he could play it when needed.
Boromir wore a t-shirt and jeans much like Aragorn, though his had text on the back. His shirt said in bold black letters on grey “MEN RULE” and it got a lot of girls in conversation at the bars. He was a good looking fellow after all, though a bit obsessed with the R.O.P.. He tended to bother Frodo about it when the others were not around - asking him about the burden he carried, offering to help him with it, saying it did not have to be this way. All of this made the hobbit very uncomfortable, especially when Boromir said,
“Tis such a small thing, really. A trifle. Why have this burden at all?”
Frodo knew it was no small matter and the future for all of Arda relied on his mission. He tried to ignore Boromir as best as he could, staying away from him. Others in the band seemed not to notice, though Aragorn observed the cool way that Frodo treated Boromir and wondered at it. It was not the nature of hobbits to be so reserved in comportment.
They spent the afternoon packing up their gear into the beat-up van they had gotten from Café Rivendell. It was full of drums, guitars, amps, lights and all the other stuff they needed for their show. They didn’t have any roadies so they had to get to Club Caradhras and set up early. They were the first act tonight, which was not very advantageous but would have to do.
They were ready for the action and ready to go.
Chapter Five - The reviews are in
Reported by Middle Earth Gazette music reporter...
Well all of you who were lucky enough to be at Club Caradhras got a real treat for sure. It was a rockin’ night, including the debut of the new band, The Fellowship, led by the former lead singer of the Dúnedain Rangers, Strider, as he is known around these parts. He did some soulful renditions of hobbit-based tunes, but that was no match for the weather-based songs of Saruman and the Four Winds. He basically blew them off the stage with his magical snowdrifts.
Amazing as Gandalf the Grey was on his wizardly keys, it was not enough to fight against the wicked voice of Saruman, who held the audience in thrall. It was like a total weather system in the club and a true representation of the power of his order. Totally rad and bitchin’.
It was not a good night for the Fellowship, who will have to retreat now to the Mynes of Moria and play another qualification round.
The next night’s report…
Dude. This is not the week for the Fellowship. They went up against The Foul Band of Orcs from the Deep and it did not go down well. They were battling it out measure for measure when suddenly Balrog’s Bane, with the lead singer Shadow and Flame, jumped in on the side of those orcs. Not pretty. Gandalf broke into his number “You shall not pass” with accompanying light show, but it didn’t do any good. It all totally fell apart. We all heard a loud crack and a massive hole opened up in the stage. The balrog fell through it but at the last minute he snagged Mithrandir with his whip and they both disappeared down the chasm. The Fellowship beat it out of there at that point knowing they were done for. They will have to regroup for sure.
Chapter Six - Retreat to the Lórien Lounge
Once the Fellowship lost Gandalf, they did not even stop to load their gear, they just headed on out of the Mynes and down the road to the Lórien Lounge. This was a very exclusive after hours club for the hopeful to find respite from the usual drudgery of the night club scene. Hidden in an oasis of beautiful trees right in the middle of the city, the club was well guarded by the brothers of Lórien - Haldir, Orophin and Rumil - each in their turn. On this particular night, the eldest stood guard at the top of the stairs with arms folded and a somber look. He frowned especially when he saw Gimli, son of Gloin.
“That dwarf breathes so loud, I could shoot him in the dark.” (3)
Just the thought offended his elvish sensibilities and he cringed inwardly at allowing such a being into the elegant Lórien Lounge and into the presence of his Lord and Lady, the proprietors.
“We have need of shelter, Haldir of Lórien. We are on a special quest for the benefit of all.”
Aragorn spoke for the group as the others waited in exhausted silence.
“I think not. You bring great evil with you. I can sense it.” He looked at Frodo as he spoke.
And so Haldir and Aragorn argued back and forth for quite some time. The hobbits sat on the steps and tried not look too dejected. They were tired and hungry and in need of rest. What had happened tonight had totally freaked them out and now they were without the wizard. They felt totally exposed.
Finally, the Lórien elf relented. Either Strider persuaded him or wore him down, it is hard to say which was true, but they were led through the doors into the very serene and peaceful Lórien Lounge.
It was a very interesting place because even though they were inside, they felt like they were outside. There were vines and trees everywhere and growing foliage abounded. By some magic or mystical power, one was transported out of the city to the middle of a beautiful forest of large trees. Such was the power of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. This was why the Lounge was such a well-guarded secret.
They were guided through to an elevated platform and presented to the proprietors themselves.
“Eight there are, yet nine set out from Rivendell,” said Celeborn. “Where is Gandalf, I greatly desire to speak with him…”
The Fellowship looked troubled and to each other for what to answer.
Galadriel surmised the reply in their expressions, “He has fallen into shadow!”
Legolas explained, “He was killed by a balrog in the Mynes of Moria.”
Celeborn and Galadriel were both sorrowful and silent for a moment, but Frodo could hear her speaking in his head, while she bid them rest as they were weary.
“Welcome Frodo of the Shire, one who has seen the eye!”
It was kind of trippy dippy. Frodo had a feeling she wanted something from him or to communicate something to him but went with the others to rest among the arbors.
Boromir felt totally tweaked in the presence of the seemingly serene Lady Galadriel. He could not escape the sensation that all of his inner thoughts were laid bare and his inner desires on display for all to know. It was decidedly uncomfortable and made him quite anxious. He knew that she knew he wanted the R.O.P. and wanted to bring it back to Gondor.
Gimli snored on the grass, loud and in the manner of dwarves, sleeping solidly and without a care in the world. He dreamed of the Lady with golden hair, both perilous and wise.
Legolas murmured to the others, “They sing a lament for Gandalf.”
“What do they say?” Merry asked.
“For me the grief is too near…” he admitted. “I cannot say.”
The elvish words floated in the air mingling with the ambient sounds and drug laced atmosphere, sad and poignant. There was a somnambulant, quelude effect to the air in the Lounge which had a sedative effect on those who traveled there.
Tirien i Romenori (to guard the lands of the East…)
Maiarion i Oiosaila…(wisest of all Maiar…)
Mana elye etevanne…(what drove you to leave…)
Norie i melanelye? (that which you loved?)
Aragorn and Boromir talked of his anxiety and the White City while Frodo and the hobbits hunkered down to rest. In a while, Aragorn and Legolas felt restless and took a slow walk through the beautiful forest. They found a stream and followed it some way, pausing to look at the beauty that surrounded them. Soon they were holding hands with fingers entwined, palms touching and before too long they embraced, letting their lips touch under the bows of the trees. Legolas felt a warmth animate his limbs as he kissed the Dúnadan, and a fulfillment of a dream. After some time they rejoined the others and lay side by side at rest, hands held fast but not so the others could see.
Much later Frodo woke with a start to see Galadriel padding past barefoot in her long, white gown. He got up to follow her. They walked into a beautiful garden area of the Lounge where there was a silver basin set on a pedestal. There was a pitcher near a flowing waterfall and Galadriel filled it with water.
“Will you look in the mirror?”
“What will I see?” Frodo asked with some trepidation.
“Even the wisest cannot tell. For the mirror shows many things.”
She poured the water from the ewer into the basin and once she was done, Frodo went to look. He saw many things great and terrible: his friends, the destruction of the Shire. It was all too horrible to contemplate and he fell back in dismay when Sauron spoke to him through the mirror and his evil flaming eye filled the view. He gripped the R.O.P. in his fisted little hand.
“I know what it is you saw for it is also in my mind,” Galadriel said. “It was what will come to pass should you FAIL. ” She warned of the Fellowship disbanding and of the ONE corrupting members of the band one by one. She knew that one of them would try and take the ring from him sooner than later. Bad news.
“If you desire it of me, I will give you the One Ring.” Frodo held it out to her on his open palm
“You offer it to me freely. I cannot deny that I have desired this.” Galadriel approached Frodo and placed her hand over the ring.
Her aspect took on a psychedelic, dark look as the wind rushed through her hair and her voice seemed to come from everywhere at once, all ominous and perilous. Cool yet not cool.
“In place of a dark lord, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!” (4)
Suddenly, she settled back down to her serene, normal self and murmured, “I pass the test! I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.”
Frodo was distraught at being alone in this task, but Galadriel explained that is what being a ringbearer is - to be alone. She showed him her R.O.P. which elegantly graced her slender finger.
“This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will.”
Frodo knew what he must do and it was going to be a total mess. Seriously.
Interlude - Departing
There was an alley behind the Lórien Lounge and the Fellowship’s van was parked there, out of sight of prying eyes. They all gathered there to load in and Galadriel and Celeborn were there to see them off with gifts to aid them in their quest. To Frodo she gave a beautiful vial and said,
“Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the light of Earendil, our most beloved star.”
He took the gift and tucked it into his pocket. He wondered when he might need such a thing but was grateful nonetheless.
He heard Galadriel’s voice in his mind,
“May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
That was pretty cool and he hoped that he did not need it but it was good to have in a pinch.
The Fellowship climbed into the van and headed on down the road away from the Lórien Lounge.
Chapter Six - The Break Up
Reported by Middle Earth Gazette music reporter...
Well rock and roll fans - I have really gnarly news. The Fellowship is no longer. They have broken up and it was a totally bad scene at Club Argonauth last night. It was almost a riot, it got so bad.
The Uruks showed up in force and formed a wicked mosh pit in front of the stage where the Fellowship were playing, dragging everything into it. Uruks are big and they can really jam and it was well, dangerous. The lead Uruk-hai, Lurtz, a big nasty looking orc, kept yelling,
“Find the halflings, find the halflings!”
as though he was on a mission for some nefarious purpose. They were all wearing black t-shirts with a white hand print on them, some kind of secret society garbage or corporate bullshit. I have no idea.
Boromir tried to stop them from taking Merry and Pippin but he got stomped, literally. There were too many of them and they overpowered him. It was all over so fast and he laid on the floor pooled in his own blood. The Uruks took off at that point thinking that they had the right halflings and they beat it out of there. They held the hobbits aloft and carried them right out of the Argonauth. There was no telling where they were going. The Uruks ran as though they had whips cracking at their feet.
What a total drag. Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee were gone, but they had slipped out a stage side door before all the chaos ensued.
This reporter is truly saddened at such a terrible end to a truly promising band.
Epilogue - At the end of all things…
The three remaining members of the Fellowship pursued the Uruks relentlessly, hoping to free Merry and Pippin from their cruel captivity. They ran on foot through the city streets and parks and over many miles of terrain. Legolas and Aragorn, more long of leg, kept the lead and Gimli who was shorter and stouter, more low to the ground, ran behind his two companions. They came across the Righteous Riders of Rohan on their travels and learned that the Uruks had been slain in battle outside Club Fangorn. No sign of the hobbits, so they went inside, finding a truly oppressive urban forest that was tangled and overgrown.
There they chanced to come upon the White Wizard who was none other than Gandalf come back from the abyss. It was a joyous meeting and they regrouped as the Fellowship Redux and all went on to further battles and victories in the Battle of the Bands - War of the Ring Middle Earth Edition. New alliances were forged, the dead were awakened and epic music was played before the end. Strider became the heir apparent and rocked on with the refurbed guitar of Isildur. He was the king of Rock and Roll and all was well in Middle Earth. Legolas was his companion and consort and that was totally copacetic.
Frodo and Sam met up with Gollum-Smeagol as they snuck around town and he knew all the back ways and back roads into the clubs and locales. He was a useful, yet skulking sort of fellow to have around. Gollum could not be trusted because he too was under the spell of the ONE since he’d had it for eons, but he had his uses and got them into places they never would have gotten into. Sam especially did not trust him, but Frodo had not choice but to rely heavily on the creature. He did get them into evil places, past evil creatures though he ultimately betrayed Frodo in Shelob’s Lair, a den for that spawn of Ungoliant and sticky place to get out of.
As it all turned out, Frodo wanted to keep the R.O.P. but was attacked by Gollum right in front of the Doom Furnace. He lost a finger in this whole deal but ultimately triumphed and tossed Gollum and the ONE into the fire. It was totally cataclysmic as the ring was unmade and melted away and Sauron ceased to exist in any form whatsoever. Things were totally awesome, but then Club Mordor’s Fire exploded around them as everything that the Dark Lord had made also was destroyed. Frodo and Sam ran out front and sought the shelter of a nearby building. Gandalf swooped in on Gwaihir, Lord of the Eagles, and rescued the two exhausted hobbits.
After that, the celebrations began and Middle Earth rejoiced and that is the end of this tale. You have heard it all, for real. That is how it all went down. Over and out.
Rock on!
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(1) The Fellowship of the Ring, Chapter Four, A Short Cut to Mushrooms
(2) The Lay of Beren and Luthien, The Fellowship of the Ring, complete is here - http://tolkien.cro.net/talesong/s-berenl.html
(3) Movie dialogue from The Fellowship of the Ring by Peter Jackson interspersed in the story.
(4) Movie dialogue from The Fellowship of the Ring by Peter Jackson interspersed in the story.
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Chapters: One through Six with Prologue, Interlude, and Epilogue
Author: phyncke
Character(s): Aragorn/Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Boromir, Gimli, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Lurtz, Gollum/Smeagol, Bilbo, Sauron, Saruman, Glorfindel, Haldir, Galadriel, Celeborn,
Beta: Keiliss
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they are the property of JRR Tolkien and his estate, and I have borrowed them for my own amusement and for yours I hope.
Feedback: Much appreciated.
Summary: The fate of Middle Earth rests on rock and roll!
Note: Some canon-verse and some movie verse. A mixture. Lots of AU here.
Prologue - The 60’s
Isildur was THE MAN. He rocked Sauron’s ring off, literally. He played such a righteous riff there when his Pops died in the middle of the Last Alliance’s last stand that the ring came right off the dude’s hand. It was amazing! It must have been a combination of grief and fury that made him play so hard. His guitar neck split from the strength of his conviction, he was rockin’ it that hard.
Anyway, the rest is, shall we say, history. Izzy kept the ring and it betrayed him and got away. Some think it rolled down the sewer when he was walking home one night with his mates. It is a fickle thing that ring, and it killed ole Isildur. You cannot trust a R.O.P. (that’s ring of power, in case you were wondering) especially THE ONE.
Time passed and music changed and THE ONE was found again - Bilbo Baggins came upon it on the floor of The Goblin Cave, a really dark and skanky place when he was running with Thorin’s lot. He traded riddles with the creature, Gollum or Smeagol as he once was known in better days. They chatted and questioned and Bilbo got the best of him. He drove the skulker quite mad with this last one,
“What have I got in my pocket?”
That set Gollum right off and Bilbo put on the ring, disappearing into thin air. He knew then that the ring was special.
Later, Bilbo passed THE ONE down to Frodo and by this time, Gandalf the Grey had it pretty much figured out. It was in fact, THE ONE with all that creepy writing on it and needed to be destroyed, which brings us to the present situation.
Chapter One - Café Rivendell and the Council of Elrond
The café was buzzing with activity. The barista was pulling coffee at a rapid pace and any manner of elf, dwarf and man were gathered for the Council called by the owner, half-elven Elrond of Café Rivendell. It was sometimes called Imladris and was a haven to local rockers, and they would often chill there nursing a hangover over a well brewed cuppa. Strider had known about the place since his days in the Dúnedain Rangers, a grunge band of scruffy looking dudes who could really play the head banging stuff. Isildur's broken guitar was prominently on display behind shatter proof glass as a hallowed item, much revered. It lay waiting for the day it would rock again and be repaired.
Now, he was here to help figure out what to do. He had escorted the four hobbits around town to safety getting them from Shire Street and their cozy hobbit holes all the way across to Café Rivendell. Frodo had been hurt along the way by one of the Nine, a band of wraiths who had been chasing them. The Witch King and lead singer of the Nine had stabbed Frodo with a morgul blade when the hobbit had resisted giving him THE ONE. Those dudes were obsessed with the R.O.P. and would do anything to get it. Luckily they had run into Glorfindel on his Harley and he had been able to get Frodo to the café quickly. Elrond had worked his healing magic and Frodo was doing better. He would always be affected but that was how these things went.
All the races were represented at the Council of Elrond: Gimli for the dwarves; Legolas for the Elves of Club Mirkwood, Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel for Café Rivendell; Gandalf the Grey who had been around since the 60’s and was a wizard on the keyboard; Frodo as the ringbearer and Bilbo as a former ringbearer; Boromir of Gondor, there for the race of Man; Aragorn or Strider as he was known, formerly of the Dúnedain Rangers, and others sat around the table on the patio out back. Little did they know three little hobbits hid in the bushes outside listening to every word that was said.
After an opening speech laden with meaning and epic in its epicness, Elrond said.
“Bring forth the ring, Frodo.”
The little hobbit stood and took the R.O.P. off the chain around his neck and placed it on the middle of the stone table in the center of the patio. It sparkled and pulsed in the afternoon light. People gasped and groaned around the circle as the weight and heft of that moment was felt. Frodo seemed relieved to be rid of the burden as he sat back down. We know that was only a temporary reprieve.
In short order the discussion began about what to do. Gandalf detailed the treachery of Saruman and his captivity in a very tall skyscraper in the business district downtown and Bilbo recounted how he found the ring. Boromir wanted to wield it as a weapon and take it back to Gondor based on some dream he’d had which had been full of portents and premonitions. Thus began a vigorous argument.
The greater wisdom was that THE ONE needed to be unmade in the fire from whence it came - Mordor Fire behind the Black Gate. Everyone seemed to want to talk at once then and chaos erupted at the Council. The attendees were standing and yelling and it seemed that no one would agree on who would see to this impossible task. The ring glowed and gloated from where it was on the table.
“I will take it! I will take it!” Frodo said. “Though I do not know the way.” He added when everyone was looking at him.
Legolas had risen to Aragorn’s defense when Boromir challenged him at Council and he did not understand the impulse. Maybe it was that mad crush he’d had on Aragorn when he had been the lead in the Dúnedain Rangers. Legolas had had a poster on his wall and collected all their singles. Now he was volunteering for this new band and he had a feeling it was because of the man’s involvement. It was impulsive yet he did so anyway. Usually he was more thoughtful in his actions and he was not sure his father, Thranduil, would approve.
Elrond outlined the plan: a tour through the neighborhood of Middle Earth as the newly formed concept band, “ The Fellowship of the Ring”, culminating in the Battle of the Bands for all of Arda. It would be rockin’ and very dangerous. There were wraiths and orcs and spiders to contend with along the way and other nasty creatures. The goal was to get Frodo and the R.O.P. behind the Black Gate into Mordor’s Fire into the Doom Furnace to unmake the ring. They would have to use all their skills as rockers and musicians extraordinaire.
“Rock on.” Elrond said in all seriousness. “Rock on.”
Chapter Two - Got to Feel Percussion
The Fellowship had a newly acquired rehearsal space down by the river in an old warehouse. They had a van and had gotten all the instruments they needed second hand at a few stores around town.
Most of them knew what they were doing - Strider played a mean guitar and could do lead vocals; Gimli had his axe or bass guitar and could back him up; Boromir laid down a mean beat on a 6 piece drum kit; Legolas added some lightness and a little Jethro Tull sound by playing the piccolo and flute; Gandalf, of course, was a wizard on the keyboard and could mix up any kind of sound you want to think of.
The hobbits, well, they did not play anything really but they were musical beings and Aragorn brought in a whole box of percussion instruments for them to choose from and they were really jazzed about that. Sam got a kick out of the cowbell and would hit it with a drumstick and laugh all at the same time. Frodo picked the tambourine and would wack it against his thigh and shake it pretty good. Merry liked the maracas and had good rhythm with those, adding a depth to the sound of the band, while Pippin chose the sleigh bell as an accent to certain songs. In this manner they all “played” something and added elements to the music of the Fellowship.
At first their music sounded like a racket with everyone playing at once in an unruly cacophony of sound and noise. Some bands started out rough and had to refine their groove. They did not really have any songs that they knew so Aragorn searched his memory for ones that might work for this crew. He thought and thought and Legolas did too, but Merry and Pippin piped up with one that they both knew.
Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go
To heal my heart and drown my woe.
Rain may fall and wind may blow,
And many miles be still to go,
But under a tall tree I will lie,
And let the clouds go sailing by.(1)
The others smiled as the hobbits sang and shook their maracas and bells to the rhyme. They could set this one to a down beat and repeat the last two lines and there was a song. Boromir began to drum a bit to set the tempo and soon they had a nice rocking arrangement for that one with some radical hobbit lead vocals. The hobbits had lots of cheery tunes that they could set to an upbeat and add harmonies to. The piccolo sounded just right as a background to the happy music.
After working a while, the band took a break, some of them heading over to Café Rivendell for supper. Aragorn stayed behind to work on a solo number that he wanted to put together, a sad story of mortal and elven love - The Lay of Beren and Lúthien. Legolas stayed with him to provide accompaniment on the flute and work out the harmonic elements of the song. At times he would play and at times he would sing harmony with Aragorn and their voices would blend beautifully. The elf prince possessed a lilting, melodic voice while Strider’s was somewhat course, though they did sound well together when they sang.
…Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of ireon and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.(2)
When they finished, the two notes seemed suspended on the moment and then dissolved into a poignant silence.
“Better to love for one life time, than never at all,” Legolas murmured, looking into Aragorn’s troubled eyes.
“I suppose that is true and it is a good way to look at it. Their story always seemed so tragic to me, but when you put it like that…”
“Yes, imagine had they never found one another.”
“I cannot.” Aragorn said somewhat wistfully and put down his acoustic guitar which he had been strumming through the song as they performed.
“It will make kind of a soulful number for our set and I think the chicks will like it.”
“For sure.” Aragorn agreed. “For sure.”
The two ambled off to the café to join the rest of the band as they supped.
Chapter Three - What’s the buzz, tell me what’s happening!
All around town, people were gearing up for a radical and epic Battle of the Bands - Middle Earth.
It was truly going to be stupendous in all of its glorious wonder. Orcs were making an orcish racket in The Goblin Cave most nights; the trolls were hoarding treasures and avoiding the dawn; Saruman was fabricating his Uruk-kai from corporate headquarters of Isengard Incorporated downtown; Sauron was breathing fire from behind The Black Gate and scheming on ways to get the R.O.P. He really needed that thing as he was literally a ring of fire and could not take corporeal form. He wanted to be real in a visceral kind of way.
Still, he was quite powerful. He had a gazillion orcs out postering for the Battle of the Bands and the Dark Lord (D.L.) was using it as a way to ensnare THE ONE. He knew it had been found by Gollum and then later grabbed by Bilbo Baggins of Shire Street so he was well aware of the importance of hobbits in this whole scheme. He had his own entry in the contest - The Nine out scouring for the little people. They wore hoods and long robes and looked a lot like the Grim Reaper and were dead but not dead, totally creepy, once kings of men but now the wraithlike stuff of nightmares. He also had some orc entries playing some wicked thrash music.
Everyone was signing up for the Battle of the Bands and it was shaping up to be truly cataclysmic. Here are some of the acts that were expected to participate:
The Righteous Riders of Rohan
Grima and the Wormtongues
Shieldmaiden, a solo folk rock indie act starring Eowyn
Faramir and the Second Sons
Denethor and the Crazy Tones
Minas Morgulites
Guards of the Citadel
Helmsdeepheads
The White Hands
The Mordor Heads
To name a few. There would be bands every night in direct competition with each other and the Fellowship would have to really show their stuff as they made their way to Mordor. They must never lose sight of their real goal, which was to get to the Doom Furnace and destroy the ring and also destroy Sauron once and for all. Much as they liked the music, it was not totally the point, it was just a cover for their real mission.
The peoples of Middle Earth were up for grabs in this epic battle of music, darkness and light.
This would decide it all.
Chapter Four - And so it begins…
Aragorn liked to start his mornings in the warehouse by drinking copious amounts of hot coffee and then practicing his guitar. Their space was big enough that he did not bother the others, but Legolas enjoyed sitting on the overstuffed couch and listening to him strum and play. The elf would grab a cup of herbal tea and sit cross-legged as the mortal strummed and crooned. Sometimes they would play light duets with guitar and flute. The early morning hours became precious to them both.
Gimli was usually the one who interrupted them and he would come in with a gruff,“What’er you two up to this fine morning, eh?” as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and went in search of a spot of fine brewed coffee. Aragorn always left the extra behind in a pot on the counter. The dwarf poured some in a cup, added milk and a sugar cube and turned to the two in the corner.
“Don’t let me stop your playing. It sounded fine enough for this morning. Keep going.”
The two would continue but less intimately, less intently and perhaps less passionately than before. The presence of another changed the atmosphere of growing closeness between them.
As the others arose, on this day in particular, they were in fine spirits. The hobbits cooked a large breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and pancakes and they all sat around the large wooden table eating, drinking and making merry. If they felt the pressure, no one let on. After the meal, the hobbits and Gandalf had a nice game of smoke rings over pipe weed and the Wizard won hands down with the most elaborate rings of all. He could make ones in the shape of musical instruments while none of the hobbits could do that, much to the chagrin of the little people.
The afternoon was spent in a long rehearsal as they went over their entire song list. They only got to play one song in each battle but it was best to be prepared for any contingency. Other bands might not fight fair and they went over their whole repertoire of tunes and instrumentals. They did rockin’ numbers, dance numbers, soulful numbers, and very mellow ones for the chicks. The Fellowship could do it all, that was what made them so great together. Other bands had one sound but the Fellowship had range and heart. They even performed a dwarvish drinking round contributed by none other than Gimli, son of Gloin. One might call them multi-cultural.
After playing so much, Aragorn’s hands felt raw and blistered. He had welts and bubbles erupting on his palms and some that had burst due to the intensity with which he strummed his guitar. Legolas could not help noticing Strider’s discomfort and went to find his medicine kit full of balms and liniments. He insisted that the erstwhile musician let him tend to his wounds and soothed his injuries by applying a calming tincture. He tsked and clucked as he worked the medicine in efficiently. There was nothing more effective than elvish medicine.
Gandalf was also a wizard with lights and engineered a syncopated laser light show to go along with most of their music as was appropriate. He automated it with the mixing board and taught Elladan and Elrohir, twin sons of Elrond, how to run the lights. Bursts of brightness at the climactic points in their tunes would be sure to sway the crowds to their cause and progress them through the rounds of Battle of the Bands. Every element was important and would have an effect on the audience.
They spent some time working on their costumes, but they were mainly concerned with comfort while playing on stage. Legolas wore the colors of the elves of the Mirkwood Club and was dressed in greens, leggings and tunic. Aragorn wore similar clothes to his Dúnedain Ranger days, ripped jeans and a worn t-shirt. Gandalf favored long robes and wizard garb to give off the image of magic and wizardry. The hobbits wore pantaloons, shirts and shirt jackets which were standard clothing for the little people. Gimli was rustically attired in leather tunic and a leather kilt-like garment, in the manner of most dwarves. He liked to carry his bass or axe as he called it across his back so he could play it when needed.
Boromir wore a t-shirt and jeans much like Aragorn, though his had text on the back. His shirt said in bold black letters on grey “MEN RULE” and it got a lot of girls in conversation at the bars. He was a good looking fellow after all, though a bit obsessed with the R.O.P.. He tended to bother Frodo about it when the others were not around - asking him about the burden he carried, offering to help him with it, saying it did not have to be this way. All of this made the hobbit very uncomfortable, especially when Boromir said,
“Tis such a small thing, really. A trifle. Why have this burden at all?”
Frodo knew it was no small matter and the future for all of Arda relied on his mission. He tried to ignore Boromir as best as he could, staying away from him. Others in the band seemed not to notice, though Aragorn observed the cool way that Frodo treated Boromir and wondered at it. It was not the nature of hobbits to be so reserved in comportment.
They spent the afternoon packing up their gear into the beat-up van they had gotten from Café Rivendell. It was full of drums, guitars, amps, lights and all the other stuff they needed for their show. They didn’t have any roadies so they had to get to Club Caradhras and set up early. They were the first act tonight, which was not very advantageous but would have to do.
They were ready for the action and ready to go.
Chapter Five - The reviews are in
Reported by Middle Earth Gazette music reporter...
Well all of you who were lucky enough to be at Club Caradhras got a real treat for sure. It was a rockin’ night, including the debut of the new band, The Fellowship, led by the former lead singer of the Dúnedain Rangers, Strider, as he is known around these parts. He did some soulful renditions of hobbit-based tunes, but that was no match for the weather-based songs of Saruman and the Four Winds. He basically blew them off the stage with his magical snowdrifts.
Amazing as Gandalf the Grey was on his wizardly keys, it was not enough to fight against the wicked voice of Saruman, who held the audience in thrall. It was like a total weather system in the club and a true representation of the power of his order. Totally rad and bitchin’.
It was not a good night for the Fellowship, who will have to retreat now to the Mynes of Moria and play another qualification round.
The next night’s report…
Dude. This is not the week for the Fellowship. They went up against The Foul Band of Orcs from the Deep and it did not go down well. They were battling it out measure for measure when suddenly Balrog’s Bane, with the lead singer Shadow and Flame, jumped in on the side of those orcs. Not pretty. Gandalf broke into his number “You shall not pass” with accompanying light show, but it didn’t do any good. It all totally fell apart. We all heard a loud crack and a massive hole opened up in the stage. The balrog fell through it but at the last minute he snagged Mithrandir with his whip and they both disappeared down the chasm. The Fellowship beat it out of there at that point knowing they were done for. They will have to regroup for sure.
Chapter Six - Retreat to the Lórien Lounge
Once the Fellowship lost Gandalf, they did not even stop to load their gear, they just headed on out of the Mynes and down the road to the Lórien Lounge. This was a very exclusive after hours club for the hopeful to find respite from the usual drudgery of the night club scene. Hidden in an oasis of beautiful trees right in the middle of the city, the club was well guarded by the brothers of Lórien - Haldir, Orophin and Rumil - each in their turn. On this particular night, the eldest stood guard at the top of the stairs with arms folded and a somber look. He frowned especially when he saw Gimli, son of Gloin.
“That dwarf breathes so loud, I could shoot him in the dark.” (3)
Just the thought offended his elvish sensibilities and he cringed inwardly at allowing such a being into the elegant Lórien Lounge and into the presence of his Lord and Lady, the proprietors.
“We have need of shelter, Haldir of Lórien. We are on a special quest for the benefit of all.”
Aragorn spoke for the group as the others waited in exhausted silence.
“I think not. You bring great evil with you. I can sense it.” He looked at Frodo as he spoke.
And so Haldir and Aragorn argued back and forth for quite some time. The hobbits sat on the steps and tried not look too dejected. They were tired and hungry and in need of rest. What had happened tonight had totally freaked them out and now they were without the wizard. They felt totally exposed.
Finally, the Lórien elf relented. Either Strider persuaded him or wore him down, it is hard to say which was true, but they were led through the doors into the very serene and peaceful Lórien Lounge.
It was a very interesting place because even though they were inside, they felt like they were outside. There were vines and trees everywhere and growing foliage abounded. By some magic or mystical power, one was transported out of the city to the middle of a beautiful forest of large trees. Such was the power of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. This was why the Lounge was such a well-guarded secret.
They were guided through to an elevated platform and presented to the proprietors themselves.
“Eight there are, yet nine set out from Rivendell,” said Celeborn. “Where is Gandalf, I greatly desire to speak with him…”
The Fellowship looked troubled and to each other for what to answer.
Galadriel surmised the reply in their expressions, “He has fallen into shadow!”
Legolas explained, “He was killed by a balrog in the Mynes of Moria.”
Celeborn and Galadriel were both sorrowful and silent for a moment, but Frodo could hear her speaking in his head, while she bid them rest as they were weary.
“Welcome Frodo of the Shire, one who has seen the eye!”
It was kind of trippy dippy. Frodo had a feeling she wanted something from him or to communicate something to him but went with the others to rest among the arbors.
Boromir felt totally tweaked in the presence of the seemingly serene Lady Galadriel. He could not escape the sensation that all of his inner thoughts were laid bare and his inner desires on display for all to know. It was decidedly uncomfortable and made him quite anxious. He knew that she knew he wanted the R.O.P. and wanted to bring it back to Gondor.
Gimli snored on the grass, loud and in the manner of dwarves, sleeping solidly and without a care in the world. He dreamed of the Lady with golden hair, both perilous and wise.
Legolas murmured to the others, “They sing a lament for Gandalf.”
“What do they say?” Merry asked.
“For me the grief is too near…” he admitted. “I cannot say.”
The elvish words floated in the air mingling with the ambient sounds and drug laced atmosphere, sad and poignant. There was a somnambulant, quelude effect to the air in the Lounge which had a sedative effect on those who traveled there.
Tirien i Romenori (to guard the lands of the East…)
Maiarion i Oiosaila…(wisest of all Maiar…)
Mana elye etevanne…(what drove you to leave…)
Norie i melanelye? (that which you loved?)
Aragorn and Boromir talked of his anxiety and the White City while Frodo and the hobbits hunkered down to rest. In a while, Aragorn and Legolas felt restless and took a slow walk through the beautiful forest. They found a stream and followed it some way, pausing to look at the beauty that surrounded them. Soon they were holding hands with fingers entwined, palms touching and before too long they embraced, letting their lips touch under the bows of the trees. Legolas felt a warmth animate his limbs as he kissed the Dúnadan, and a fulfillment of a dream. After some time they rejoined the others and lay side by side at rest, hands held fast but not so the others could see.
Much later Frodo woke with a start to see Galadriel padding past barefoot in her long, white gown. He got up to follow her. They walked into a beautiful garden area of the Lounge where there was a silver basin set on a pedestal. There was a pitcher near a flowing waterfall and Galadriel filled it with water.
“Will you look in the mirror?”
“What will I see?” Frodo asked with some trepidation.
“Even the wisest cannot tell. For the mirror shows many things.”
She poured the water from the ewer into the basin and once she was done, Frodo went to look. He saw many things great and terrible: his friends, the destruction of the Shire. It was all too horrible to contemplate and he fell back in dismay when Sauron spoke to him through the mirror and his evil flaming eye filled the view. He gripped the R.O.P. in his fisted little hand.
“I know what it is you saw for it is also in my mind,” Galadriel said. “It was what will come to pass should you FAIL. ” She warned of the Fellowship disbanding and of the ONE corrupting members of the band one by one. She knew that one of them would try and take the ring from him sooner than later. Bad news.
“If you desire it of me, I will give you the One Ring.” Frodo held it out to her on his open palm
“You offer it to me freely. I cannot deny that I have desired this.” Galadriel approached Frodo and placed her hand over the ring.
Her aspect took on a psychedelic, dark look as the wind rushed through her hair and her voice seemed to come from everywhere at once, all ominous and perilous. Cool yet not cool.
“In place of a dark lord, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!” (4)
Suddenly, she settled back down to her serene, normal self and murmured, “I pass the test! I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.”
Frodo was distraught at being alone in this task, but Galadriel explained that is what being a ringbearer is - to be alone. She showed him her R.O.P. which elegantly graced her slender finger.
“This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will.”
Frodo knew what he must do and it was going to be a total mess. Seriously.
Interlude - Departing
There was an alley behind the Lórien Lounge and the Fellowship’s van was parked there, out of sight of prying eyes. They all gathered there to load in and Galadriel and Celeborn were there to see them off with gifts to aid them in their quest. To Frodo she gave a beautiful vial and said,
“Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the light of Earendil, our most beloved star.”
He took the gift and tucked it into his pocket. He wondered when he might need such a thing but was grateful nonetheless.
He heard Galadriel’s voice in his mind,
“May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
That was pretty cool and he hoped that he did not need it but it was good to have in a pinch.
The Fellowship climbed into the van and headed on down the road away from the Lórien Lounge.
Chapter Six - The Break Up
Reported by Middle Earth Gazette music reporter...
Well rock and roll fans - I have really gnarly news. The Fellowship is no longer. They have broken up and it was a totally bad scene at Club Argonauth last night. It was almost a riot, it got so bad.
The Uruks showed up in force and formed a wicked mosh pit in front of the stage where the Fellowship were playing, dragging everything into it. Uruks are big and they can really jam and it was well, dangerous. The lead Uruk-hai, Lurtz, a big nasty looking orc, kept yelling,
“Find the halflings, find the halflings!”
as though he was on a mission for some nefarious purpose. They were all wearing black t-shirts with a white hand print on them, some kind of secret society garbage or corporate bullshit. I have no idea.
Boromir tried to stop them from taking Merry and Pippin but he got stomped, literally. There were too many of them and they overpowered him. It was all over so fast and he laid on the floor pooled in his own blood. The Uruks took off at that point thinking that they had the right halflings and they beat it out of there. They held the hobbits aloft and carried them right out of the Argonauth. There was no telling where they were going. The Uruks ran as though they had whips cracking at their feet.
What a total drag. Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee were gone, but they had slipped out a stage side door before all the chaos ensued.
This reporter is truly saddened at such a terrible end to a truly promising band.
Epilogue - At the end of all things…
The three remaining members of the Fellowship pursued the Uruks relentlessly, hoping to free Merry and Pippin from their cruel captivity. They ran on foot through the city streets and parks and over many miles of terrain. Legolas and Aragorn, more long of leg, kept the lead and Gimli who was shorter and stouter, more low to the ground, ran behind his two companions. They came across the Righteous Riders of Rohan on their travels and learned that the Uruks had been slain in battle outside Club Fangorn. No sign of the hobbits, so they went inside, finding a truly oppressive urban forest that was tangled and overgrown.
There they chanced to come upon the White Wizard who was none other than Gandalf come back from the abyss. It was a joyous meeting and they regrouped as the Fellowship Redux and all went on to further battles and victories in the Battle of the Bands - War of the Ring Middle Earth Edition. New alliances were forged, the dead were awakened and epic music was played before the end. Strider became the heir apparent and rocked on with the refurbed guitar of Isildur. He was the king of Rock and Roll and all was well in Middle Earth. Legolas was his companion and consort and that was totally copacetic.
Frodo and Sam met up with Gollum-Smeagol as they snuck around town and he knew all the back ways and back roads into the clubs and locales. He was a useful, yet skulking sort of fellow to have around. Gollum could not be trusted because he too was under the spell of the ONE since he’d had it for eons, but he had his uses and got them into places they never would have gotten into. Sam especially did not trust him, but Frodo had not choice but to rely heavily on the creature. He did get them into evil places, past evil creatures though he ultimately betrayed Frodo in Shelob’s Lair, a den for that spawn of Ungoliant and sticky place to get out of.
As it all turned out, Frodo wanted to keep the R.O.P. but was attacked by Gollum right in front of the Doom Furnace. He lost a finger in this whole deal but ultimately triumphed and tossed Gollum and the ONE into the fire. It was totally cataclysmic as the ring was unmade and melted away and Sauron ceased to exist in any form whatsoever. Things were totally awesome, but then Club Mordor’s Fire exploded around them as everything that the Dark Lord had made also was destroyed. Frodo and Sam ran out front and sought the shelter of a nearby building. Gandalf swooped in on Gwaihir, Lord of the Eagles, and rescued the two exhausted hobbits.
After that, the celebrations began and Middle Earth rejoiced and that is the end of this tale. You have heard it all, for real. That is how it all went down. Over and out.
Rock on!
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(1) The Fellowship of the Ring, Chapter Four, A Short Cut to Mushrooms
(2) The Lay of Beren and Luthien, The Fellowship of the Ring, complete is here - http://tolkien.cro.net/talesong/s-berenl.html
(3) Movie dialogue from The Fellowship of the Ring by Peter Jackson interspersed in the story.
(4) Movie dialogue from The Fellowship of the Ring by Peter Jackson interspersed in the story.
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