Head, Heart & Guts - Chapter 1/2
Alternative Universe
What happens if Hawkins laptop never passed by Beck’s deck? What if Beck didn’t see the evidence to make him defect? What happens to Heather who’s sitting in jail accused of treason?
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Heather admits to stealing the paper from Beck’s office.
Beck's chest is heaving with unshed tears. “You realize, I could have you imprisoned, possibly executed.”
Heather angrily tells Beck, "He said this government is corrupt and illegitimate. That it lied about who attacked us so it could seize power."
Beck chokes out, "You're naïve!" and turns away.
"And you're a coward!" Heather retorts.
Beck whips back to her. “Excuse me?”
Heather gets in his face. “You know there’s something wrong with the this country. And you refuse to open your eyes and see it!
"My eyes are open!" Beck yells back.
"No, they aren't!" Heather wails. “And everyone in this town is suffering because of it!”
Beck yells for his lieutenant and orders Heather under arrest. Heather's pleading eyes harden into a glare. The lieutenant takes her away..
For most of the morning, Beck just sat in his office brooding. His staff tried to avoid him as much as possible, recognizing that he was in a foul mood.
He couldn’t believe Heather’s stupidity. Was she that naive? Did she think this was some sort of game? Or was she so in love with Jake that she would blindly do whatever he and Hawkins asked of her?
Beck didn’t want to admit the last question bothered him the most.
Early that afternoon, he went to see her. She sat in her cell, curled up with her arms around her knees.
She looked so innocent and vulnerable. He had an uncontrollable urge to hug her and tell her it would be all right.
He tried hard to ignore that urge.
He asked sharply. (Perhaps more sharply than he’d intended - was he over compensating?) “Are you ready to talk now? I need information from you about what Hawkins was planning to do with that bomb.”
She looked up at him. “If I don’t talk, will you torture me like you did Jake?”
He felt sick to his stomach at the thought of hurting her. He put those feelings aside. “I took no pleasure from what I did to Jake. But, it was necessary.”
Heather stayed silent.
He continued. “You people need to realize that I’m not a monster. I’m the only thing standing between the population of Jericho and the Cheyenne government. I’ve seen what they do to insurgent towns. Trust me - it’s not pretty!”
“If your government does these terrible things, perhaps you should ask yourself why you’re still following their orders!”
Beck refused to let his mind go there. He didn’t want think about his suspicions concerning the ASA.
“Damn it, Heather. Grow up! This country was torn apart by the attacks. The ASA is only doing what’s necessary to rebuild.”
“The government is only using the attacks as an excuse to seek power!”
“I’m not going to listen to this nonsense! If I can’t get you to cooperate with me, I’ll have no choice but to have you executed for treason. I’m trying to save your life!”
Heather looked him straight in the eyes. “And I’m trying to save your soul!”
They just glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.
Beck didn’t know why this woman got under his skin so much. He hadn’t even remotely felt that way about anyone since he first met his ex wife.
Uh-oh, he realized. Don’t go there! He forced his brain to clamp down hard on that line of thought.
His voice was cold as he said. “Heather, I’m serious. If necessary, I will have you executed. Think about that while I’m gone. I’ll be back later. Hopefully, we’ll have a more productive conversation.”
Beck returned to Heather’s jail cell later that evening. He found her sitting in the same position. When she looked up, he saw that her eyes were red and watery.
The desire to wrap his arms around her and comfort her was even stronger. He had to fight harder to resist that temptation.
“Are you ready to talk now?” He asked brusquely.
“What do you want from me? Do you want me to admit that I’m scared to die? Of course I am! I’m only 26 years old. Just a short year ago, I was an elementary school teacher leading a normal life. Now you tell me I’m going to be executed for treason!”
Beck said softly. “Then help me save your life. Give me some information. Help me show my superiors that you’re being cooperative.”
Heather looked earnestly at him. “I’m sorry but I can’t. I don’t want to die. But I couldn’t live with myself if I betrayed others just to save own my life.”
Beck couldn’t help but be impressed by her courage and strength of character. Unfortunately, it didn’t make things any easier. He shook his head regretfully. “I’m sorry, but then I can’t help you.”
Both of them had a sleepless night. Early the next morning, one of Beck’s aides bound Heather’s hands behind her back, then put her in the back seat of a Humvee. She tried to ask him what was going on. He wouldn’t answer her. Nor would he even look her in the eye.
A few minutes later, Beck got in behind the wheel and drove off. He wouldn’t look at her either. Nor did he say anything.
Heather’s heart sank. She realized that she was likely being taken somewhere to be shot. She knew that Beck’s perverse sense of duty wouldn’t let him delegate this unpleasant task to anyone else.
They drove to an empty field not too far from the Richmond farm. Beck stopped the Humvee. He opened the back door and pulled Heather out in a surprisingly gentle manner.
She was trembling but tried to steady herself. She took several deep breaths to slow her racing heart. She was determined not to beg or break down. She resolved to meet her fate with her head held high.
Beck told her to wait there, then he ran off. Heather idly wondered where he was going, but didn’t much care at that moment.
She briefly thought about trying to escape, but quickly dismissed the idea. She didn’t think Beck had gone far, and she had no desire to be shot in the back while running away. She wanted him to look her directly in the eyes when he pulled the trigger.
She leaned against the Humvee for support and closed her eyes. She relished the warmth of the sun on her face. She cherished the sweet smell of the honeysuckle growing wild in the fields and the sound of birds chirping overhead. It was like all of her senses had been sharpened.
A few minutes later, Beck returned. He stood in front of her and quietly said. “Heather, please stand up and turn around.”
She stood up facing him. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather face it head on.” She was proud that her voice barely quivered.
Beck looked her directly in the eyes. She was surprised to see warmth and compassion there. “Heather, I promise that I’m not going to hurt you. Can you please just turn around so I can untie you.”
As he undid her bindings, her legs started to wobble. She started to faint from the shock and relief that she wasn’t going to die. He gently caught her and helped her to a sitting position on the ground. He sat down next to her.
“I’m sorry to scare you like that, but it had to look convincing.”
He continued. “There’s an empty vehicle in the road down the hill. I just checked to make sure it had fuel and provisions. I’ve arranged for guard coverage to be very light at the checkpoint. You should be able to make it safely out of Jericho, and hopefully down to Texas.”
She just stared at him with a confused look on her face. “What are you doing?”
“I’m helping you escape.”
“Why?”
“Because the alternative is unthinkable.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through over the past day.”
Heather shook her head. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I can’t just run away and leave everyone behind.”
He’d never met a more infuriating woman. He was trying to save her life and set her free, and she was arguing with him!
“Heather, if you stay in Jericho, your life will be in jeopardy. While I will never hurt you, I doubt my men have similar reservations. At some point, they’ll go above my head to get orders to have you shot for treason.”
She just continued to look at him expectantly.
He sighed. “Heather, what more do you want from me?”
“You’re a good man who’s serving corrupt masters. I want you to do something about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. How many times have you gone behind your command in order to do what you know is right. You supplied the vaccine to Fall River, you let Jake be rescued, you’re letting me escape.”
“I’ve just tried to balance discipline and duty with compassion.”
“Yes, you have. But if your government wasn’t corrupt, you wouldn’t have to circumvent orders to show your compassion.” She looked directly at him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t had your own concerns about the ASA.”
Beck was quiet. He got up to pace. Heather was correct. It was becoming harder to rationalize away his suspicions about the ASA government. But taking action was a drastic step. One he didn’t think he was ready for.
He finally sat down again. “Heather, you’re right. I do have concerns about the ASA. But I can’t act until I’m sure, or at least until I have more conclusive proof.”
“Sorry, but you need to use your ‘head, heart and guts’.”
“Excuse me…what?”
Heather smiled. “It’s something I learned in one of my university classes. That successful leaders can’t just rely on facts, data and analysis (‘head’). They have to balance it with their emotional intelligence (‘heart’) and the courage to do the right thing (‘guts’).”***
“So you think I’m relying too much on my head in demanding concrete evidence about Cheyenne’s corruption. That I need to have the guts to do what my heart knows is right.”
Heather nodded. “Exactly.”
Beck’s head was swirling. He couldn’t believe that he was seriously considering defecting from the ASA. The implications of those actions were frightening. Yet, it did feel good to openly admit the thoughts he’d been harboring for awhile.
“Let’s say I agree the ASA government is corrupt. What would you have me do?”
Heather looked at him. “Defect.”
Beck smiled. “That I know. Then what? Are you asking me to go to Texas with you?”
“Actually, I want both of us to stay here and convince your officers to join us in taking a stand against Cheyenne.”
“Are you insane? Without proof, we’ll never be able to convince them. They weren’t involved in the situations that raised my suspicions.” He looked her deep in the eyes. “Also, they’re not half in love with you like I am. So, they’ll be less likely to take it on faith.”
Heather’s heart jumped with Beck’s words. Despite everything, she cared deeply for him. Even when she thought she was going to be executed, the hopeful part of her had believed he would never hurt her.
“You’re half in love with me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He whispered as he stroked her hair. “Actually, I think I’m falling completely in love with you. Yesterday, I was trying so hard to deny my feelings that I acted like a total ass to you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’m so sorry. To be completely honest, all I wanted to do when you were sitting in that cell was to put my arms around you and hug you tight.”
She looked at him with a shy smile. “Well, nothing’s stopping you now.”
He reached out and gently pulled into his arms. They just sat there like that for a few minutes. She listened to the sound of his heart beating in his chest. She looked up at him and their mouths came together in their first kiss. It was somewhat tentative at first, then deepened with their pent up passion and emotions.
After they came up for air, she leaned her head against his shoulder. He continued to gently stroke her hair.
She looked at him. “I know this isn’t the time for a personal conversation. But I do have one question to ask you. What about your wife?”
He smiled. “You mean my ‘ex wife’. We were divorced over 5 years ago.”
Heather nodded in relief.
He continued. “Now I get to ask one in return. What about Jake? I thought you were in love with him.”
Heather paused for a minute. “There was a time when I did think I was in love with Jake. But that was only for a short while, right after the attacks. I soon realized that we weren’t right for each other. I was actually happy when he and Emily got back together. Now we’re just friends.”
She gazed tenderly into his eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with you as well.”
He leaned forward and kissed her again. It deepened into another passionate kiss.
When they finally broke apart, he asked. “Are you sure you don’t want to escape to Texas together? Or perhaps we can keep going to somewhere like Mexico?”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’m sure. I also know you well enough to appreciate that you would never run away.”
“True. But trying to convince my officers to defect could be suicide.”
She thought for a moment. “When you captured Hawkins’ car and the bomb, did you get his laptop?”
“Yes. Why?”
“When Jake and Hawkins asked me to take the paper from your office, I initially refused. It wasn’t until they showed me some documents on his laptop that I became convinced of Cheyenne’s deception.”
“I haven’t actually seen the laptop. I know that my staff’s been processing it.”
“If you could get your hands on it, we could use it to help convince your officers.”
“Okay, I’ll ask for it when we get back.” He paused for a moment. “Even if there is proof on the laptop, it will still be a long shot to get them to defect. If we’re not successful, we’ll both be charged with treason.”
“I’m aware of the risks. But we still have to try.”
“I agree. But we don’t need to both stay here. You can still run away and hide. If I’m successful, then I’ll get word to you. At least that way you’ll be safe.”
She looked at him. “No. We’ll have more credibility if we both stay. Plus, I couldn’t run away and leave you in danger.”
He sighed. Her answer didn’t surprise him but he still had to try.
They sat in each other’s arms for a few more minutes. “I’m sorry, but if we’re going to do this, we need to go back now. Otherwise, they may send somebody looking for me.”
Heather nodded and stood up.
Beck continued. “When we get back, I’ll need to pretend that I’m still a committed ASA officer, at least until I get my hands on the laptop. Which means that I need to tie you up again and put you back in jail for a short while.”
“I understand.”
Beck gently retied her. He kissed the top of her head before putting her into the backseat of the Humvee.
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***“Head, Heart & Guts is a leadership book written by David Dotlich, Peter Cairo, and Stephen Rhinesmith. All rights and credit for these concepts belong to those authors.
What happens if Hawkins laptop never passed by Beck’s deck? What if Beck didn’t see the evidence to make him defect? What happens to Heather who’s sitting in jail accused of treason?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heather admits to stealing the paper from Beck’s office.
Beck's chest is heaving with unshed tears. “You realize, I could have you imprisoned, possibly executed.”
Heather angrily tells Beck, "He said this government is corrupt and illegitimate. That it lied about who attacked us so it could seize power."
Beck chokes out, "You're naïve!" and turns away.
"And you're a coward!" Heather retorts.
Beck whips back to her. “Excuse me?”
Heather gets in his face. “You know there’s something wrong with the this country. And you refuse to open your eyes and see it!
"My eyes are open!" Beck yells back.
"No, they aren't!" Heather wails. “And everyone in this town is suffering because of it!”
Beck yells for his lieutenant and orders Heather under arrest. Heather's pleading eyes harden into a glare. The lieutenant takes her away..
For most of the morning, Beck just sat in his office brooding. His staff tried to avoid him as much as possible, recognizing that he was in a foul mood.
He couldn’t believe Heather’s stupidity. Was she that naive? Did she think this was some sort of game? Or was she so in love with Jake that she would blindly do whatever he and Hawkins asked of her?
Beck didn’t want to admit the last question bothered him the most.
Early that afternoon, he went to see her. She sat in her cell, curled up with her arms around her knees.
She looked so innocent and vulnerable. He had an uncontrollable urge to hug her and tell her it would be all right.
He tried hard to ignore that urge.
He asked sharply. (Perhaps more sharply than he’d intended - was he over compensating?) “Are you ready to talk now? I need information from you about what Hawkins was planning to do with that bomb.”
She looked up at him. “If I don’t talk, will you torture me like you did Jake?”
He felt sick to his stomach at the thought of hurting her. He put those feelings aside. “I took no pleasure from what I did to Jake. But, it was necessary.”
Heather stayed silent.
He continued. “You people need to realize that I’m not a monster. I’m the only thing standing between the population of Jericho and the Cheyenne government. I’ve seen what they do to insurgent towns. Trust me - it’s not pretty!”
“If your government does these terrible things, perhaps you should ask yourself why you’re still following their orders!”
Beck refused to let his mind go there. He didn’t want think about his suspicions concerning the ASA.
“Damn it, Heather. Grow up! This country was torn apart by the attacks. The ASA is only doing what’s necessary to rebuild.”
“The government is only using the attacks as an excuse to seek power!”
“I’m not going to listen to this nonsense! If I can’t get you to cooperate with me, I’ll have no choice but to have you executed for treason. I’m trying to save your life!”
Heather looked him straight in the eyes. “And I’m trying to save your soul!”
They just glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.
Beck didn’t know why this woman got under his skin so much. He hadn’t even remotely felt that way about anyone since he first met his ex wife.
Uh-oh, he realized. Don’t go there! He forced his brain to clamp down hard on that line of thought.
His voice was cold as he said. “Heather, I’m serious. If necessary, I will have you executed. Think about that while I’m gone. I’ll be back later. Hopefully, we’ll have a more productive conversation.”
Beck returned to Heather’s jail cell later that evening. He found her sitting in the same position. When she looked up, he saw that her eyes were red and watery.
The desire to wrap his arms around her and comfort her was even stronger. He had to fight harder to resist that temptation.
“Are you ready to talk now?” He asked brusquely.
“What do you want from me? Do you want me to admit that I’m scared to die? Of course I am! I’m only 26 years old. Just a short year ago, I was an elementary school teacher leading a normal life. Now you tell me I’m going to be executed for treason!”
Beck said softly. “Then help me save your life. Give me some information. Help me show my superiors that you’re being cooperative.”
Heather looked earnestly at him. “I’m sorry but I can’t. I don’t want to die. But I couldn’t live with myself if I betrayed others just to save own my life.”
Beck couldn’t help but be impressed by her courage and strength of character. Unfortunately, it didn’t make things any easier. He shook his head regretfully. “I’m sorry, but then I can’t help you.”
Both of them had a sleepless night. Early the next morning, one of Beck’s aides bound Heather’s hands behind her back, then put her in the back seat of a Humvee. She tried to ask him what was going on. He wouldn’t answer her. Nor would he even look her in the eye.
A few minutes later, Beck got in behind the wheel and drove off. He wouldn’t look at her either. Nor did he say anything.
Heather’s heart sank. She realized that she was likely being taken somewhere to be shot. She knew that Beck’s perverse sense of duty wouldn’t let him delegate this unpleasant task to anyone else.
They drove to an empty field not too far from the Richmond farm. Beck stopped the Humvee. He opened the back door and pulled Heather out in a surprisingly gentle manner.
She was trembling but tried to steady herself. She took several deep breaths to slow her racing heart. She was determined not to beg or break down. She resolved to meet her fate with her head held high.
Beck told her to wait there, then he ran off. Heather idly wondered where he was going, but didn’t much care at that moment.
She briefly thought about trying to escape, but quickly dismissed the idea. She didn’t think Beck had gone far, and she had no desire to be shot in the back while running away. She wanted him to look her directly in the eyes when he pulled the trigger.
She leaned against the Humvee for support and closed her eyes. She relished the warmth of the sun on her face. She cherished the sweet smell of the honeysuckle growing wild in the fields and the sound of birds chirping overhead. It was like all of her senses had been sharpened.
A few minutes later, Beck returned. He stood in front of her and quietly said. “Heather, please stand up and turn around.”
She stood up facing him. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather face it head on.” She was proud that her voice barely quivered.
Beck looked her directly in the eyes. She was surprised to see warmth and compassion there. “Heather, I promise that I’m not going to hurt you. Can you please just turn around so I can untie you.”
As he undid her bindings, her legs started to wobble. She started to faint from the shock and relief that she wasn’t going to die. He gently caught her and helped her to a sitting position on the ground. He sat down next to her.
“I’m sorry to scare you like that, but it had to look convincing.”
He continued. “There’s an empty vehicle in the road down the hill. I just checked to make sure it had fuel and provisions. I’ve arranged for guard coverage to be very light at the checkpoint. You should be able to make it safely out of Jericho, and hopefully down to Texas.”
She just stared at him with a confused look on her face. “What are you doing?”
“I’m helping you escape.”
“Why?”
“Because the alternative is unthinkable.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through over the past day.”
Heather shook her head. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I can’t just run away and leave everyone behind.”
He’d never met a more infuriating woman. He was trying to save her life and set her free, and she was arguing with him!
“Heather, if you stay in Jericho, your life will be in jeopardy. While I will never hurt you, I doubt my men have similar reservations. At some point, they’ll go above my head to get orders to have you shot for treason.”
She just continued to look at him expectantly.
He sighed. “Heather, what more do you want from me?”
“You’re a good man who’s serving corrupt masters. I want you to do something about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. How many times have you gone behind your command in order to do what you know is right. You supplied the vaccine to Fall River, you let Jake be rescued, you’re letting me escape.”
“I’ve just tried to balance discipline and duty with compassion.”
“Yes, you have. But if your government wasn’t corrupt, you wouldn’t have to circumvent orders to show your compassion.” She looked directly at him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t had your own concerns about the ASA.”
Beck was quiet. He got up to pace. Heather was correct. It was becoming harder to rationalize away his suspicions about the ASA government. But taking action was a drastic step. One he didn’t think he was ready for.
He finally sat down again. “Heather, you’re right. I do have concerns about the ASA. But I can’t act until I’m sure, or at least until I have more conclusive proof.”
“Sorry, but you need to use your ‘head, heart and guts’.”
“Excuse me…what?”
Heather smiled. “It’s something I learned in one of my university classes. That successful leaders can’t just rely on facts, data and analysis (‘head’). They have to balance it with their emotional intelligence (‘heart’) and the courage to do the right thing (‘guts’).”***
“So you think I’m relying too much on my head in demanding concrete evidence about Cheyenne’s corruption. That I need to have the guts to do what my heart knows is right.”
Heather nodded. “Exactly.”
Beck’s head was swirling. He couldn’t believe that he was seriously considering defecting from the ASA. The implications of those actions were frightening. Yet, it did feel good to openly admit the thoughts he’d been harboring for awhile.
“Let’s say I agree the ASA government is corrupt. What would you have me do?”
Heather looked at him. “Defect.”
Beck smiled. “That I know. Then what? Are you asking me to go to Texas with you?”
“Actually, I want both of us to stay here and convince your officers to join us in taking a stand against Cheyenne.”
“Are you insane? Without proof, we’ll never be able to convince them. They weren’t involved in the situations that raised my suspicions.” He looked her deep in the eyes. “Also, they’re not half in love with you like I am. So, they’ll be less likely to take it on faith.”
Heather’s heart jumped with Beck’s words. Despite everything, she cared deeply for him. Even when she thought she was going to be executed, the hopeful part of her had believed he would never hurt her.
“You’re half in love with me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He whispered as he stroked her hair. “Actually, I think I’m falling completely in love with you. Yesterday, I was trying so hard to deny my feelings that I acted like a total ass to you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’m so sorry. To be completely honest, all I wanted to do when you were sitting in that cell was to put my arms around you and hug you tight.”
She looked at him with a shy smile. “Well, nothing’s stopping you now.”
He reached out and gently pulled into his arms. They just sat there like that for a few minutes. She listened to the sound of his heart beating in his chest. She looked up at him and their mouths came together in their first kiss. It was somewhat tentative at first, then deepened with their pent up passion and emotions.
After they came up for air, she leaned her head against his shoulder. He continued to gently stroke her hair.
She looked at him. “I know this isn’t the time for a personal conversation. But I do have one question to ask you. What about your wife?”
He smiled. “You mean my ‘ex wife’. We were divorced over 5 years ago.”
Heather nodded in relief.
He continued. “Now I get to ask one in return. What about Jake? I thought you were in love with him.”
Heather paused for a minute. “There was a time when I did think I was in love with Jake. But that was only for a short while, right after the attacks. I soon realized that we weren’t right for each other. I was actually happy when he and Emily got back together. Now we’re just friends.”
She gazed tenderly into his eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with you as well.”
He leaned forward and kissed her again. It deepened into another passionate kiss.
When they finally broke apart, he asked. “Are you sure you don’t want to escape to Texas together? Or perhaps we can keep going to somewhere like Mexico?”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’m sure. I also know you well enough to appreciate that you would never run away.”
“True. But trying to convince my officers to defect could be suicide.”
She thought for a moment. “When you captured Hawkins’ car and the bomb, did you get his laptop?”
“Yes. Why?”
“When Jake and Hawkins asked me to take the paper from your office, I initially refused. It wasn’t until they showed me some documents on his laptop that I became convinced of Cheyenne’s deception.”
“I haven’t actually seen the laptop. I know that my staff’s been processing it.”
“If you could get your hands on it, we could use it to help convince your officers.”
“Okay, I’ll ask for it when we get back.” He paused for a moment. “Even if there is proof on the laptop, it will still be a long shot to get them to defect. If we’re not successful, we’ll both be charged with treason.”
“I’m aware of the risks. But we still have to try.”
“I agree. But we don’t need to both stay here. You can still run away and hide. If I’m successful, then I’ll get word to you. At least that way you’ll be safe.”
She looked at him. “No. We’ll have more credibility if we both stay. Plus, I couldn’t run away and leave you in danger.”
He sighed. Her answer didn’t surprise him but he still had to try.
They sat in each other’s arms for a few more minutes. “I’m sorry, but if we’re going to do this, we need to go back now. Otherwise, they may send somebody looking for me.”
Heather nodded and stood up.
Beck continued. “When we get back, I’ll need to pretend that I’m still a committed ASA officer, at least until I get my hands on the laptop. Which means that I need to tie you up again and put you back in jail for a short while.”
“I understand.”
Beck gently retied her. He kissed the top of her head before putting her into the backseat of the Humvee.
---------------------
***“Head, Heart & Guts is a leadership book written by David Dotlich, Peter Cairo, and Stephen Rhinesmith. All rights and credit for these concepts belong to those authors.