Rest in Peace: Peanut
Peanut
August 21, 2009 - May 2, 2024
It has been a rotten day on top of a horrible week. I could tell Peanut was declining in health very fast. I worked from home yesterday and sat on the floor with him next to me all day. He had a weak, muffled bark when he wanted me to pet him. I broke from work to verbally tell him what he meant to me and to say my goodbyes, expecting that I was going to put him down this weekend. I could barely get through what I wanted to say, but he looked at me intently while I spoke. Lately he's been sleeping in the main room, because he had been eating poop and waking me up which made me irritated. Last night he woke me up around 9:30 with that faint bark. I said to be quiet and I got up to pet him. He went back to sleep, but woke up again barking. I ended up moving him to the front room.
When I woke up at 3:30 this morning as usual, I saw him there and called his name, but he didn't respond. I looked closer and saw he wasn't breathing. I tried to move him, but rigor mortis had set in and his body was cold. I found a 24-hour animal hospital and they said they could take his remains, so I wrapped him in a towel and took him there. I was dazed and shocked as I drove up there. The staff took him and worked with me, and they could see I was really upset. They took my information and will return his ashes and a paw print in a few weeks.
I feel angry with myself for not taking him to the vet sooner. I feel like maybe they could have done something to prolong his life, or could have prevented him from suffering. I'm angry at myself for moving him to the front room when he was in distress and needed comforting. I'm angry with myself for being impatient with him in his final months. But he's gone now. I hope he went feeling loved, not neglected. I feel like I did the latter.
I feel like I want to write something with more meaning than I have in this entry, but I wanted to get my thoughts out as they come. Later I'll get them out and put more meaning into something written. I went to work for a few hours and came back to work from home the rest of the day. I kept clutching myself. I feel like I'm in a big, empty abyss surrounded by darkness. I have cried more since Monday than I have the past ten years combined. When he has pancreatitis in 2017, I knew his death was going to be bad based on how I felt then. I feel off, unable to concentrate, and as if I'm in a stupor.
Farewell, Peanut. You have left a gaping hole in my life and you will be missed for the rest of my days.
August 21, 2009 - May 2, 2024
It has been a rotten day on top of a horrible week. I could tell Peanut was declining in health very fast. I worked from home yesterday and sat on the floor with him next to me all day. He had a weak, muffled bark when he wanted me to pet him. I broke from work to verbally tell him what he meant to me and to say my goodbyes, expecting that I was going to put him down this weekend. I could barely get through what I wanted to say, but he looked at me intently while I spoke. Lately he's been sleeping in the main room, because he had been eating poop and waking me up which made me irritated. Last night he woke me up around 9:30 with that faint bark. I said to be quiet and I got up to pet him. He went back to sleep, but woke up again barking. I ended up moving him to the front room.
When I woke up at 3:30 this morning as usual, I saw him there and called his name, but he didn't respond. I looked closer and saw he wasn't breathing. I tried to move him, but rigor mortis had set in and his body was cold. I found a 24-hour animal hospital and they said they could take his remains, so I wrapped him in a towel and took him there. I was dazed and shocked as I drove up there. The staff took him and worked with me, and they could see I was really upset. They took my information and will return his ashes and a paw print in a few weeks.
I feel angry with myself for not taking him to the vet sooner. I feel like maybe they could have done something to prolong his life, or could have prevented him from suffering. I'm angry at myself for moving him to the front room when he was in distress and needed comforting. I'm angry with myself for being impatient with him in his final months. But he's gone now. I hope he went feeling loved, not neglected. I feel like I did the latter.
I feel like I want to write something with more meaning than I have in this entry, but I wanted to get my thoughts out as they come. Later I'll get them out and put more meaning into something written. I went to work for a few hours and came back to work from home the rest of the day. I kept clutching myself. I feel like I'm in a big, empty abyss surrounded by darkness. I have cried more since Monday than I have the past ten years combined. When he has pancreatitis in 2017, I knew his death was going to be bad based on how I felt then. I feel off, unable to concentrate, and as if I'm in a stupor.
Farewell, Peanut. You have left a gaping hole in my life and you will be missed for the rest of my days.