(no subject)
I've been fairly cooped up since coming back from Oklahoma. That's in part due to a more expensive budget period. I paid off my credit card a little earlier than normal last month, meaning I had a little more in expenses for January, plus some outlier costs, namely Peanut's boarding that ran me over $600 as well as a lab bill and DMV renewal. So, because I'm in a new budget period I treated myself to dinner out last night, knocking out another restaurant I'd wanted to try. I was a bit disappointed. It was from Cosa Buona and I got a mushroom pizza. It wasn't bad, but not very filling and the crust was chewy. I think it's intended to be that way. Oh well. Today I went to WeHo for the first time since... I really don't remember. Maybe November? I was a little annoyed that I wanted to go to my favorite day drinking bar, Hi Tops, but they were doing something in there that looked like some event. I had to go to Rocco's. The bartender didn't seem to be in a good mood. I did make it significantly far through my latest book, Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. My mind drifted a little into some critical theory applications to the narrative. That was also a clear reminder as to why I ought not to join the work book club. I think I would alienate people.
I got back on Hinge, because I think it's about time I listen to my body a bit more. Something has been compelling me to date again. Oddly enough, this time around I'm not getting as much notice. I'm not really sure why. Maybe my profile isn't as robust. Aside from an online/app option, I don't really know where else to meet someone. Perhaps I could try a social group, but I already know how that would go down. I would be very awkward and uncomfortable in a group setting. I think that's in part why I've largely been going out for day drinks and avoiding the nightlife: it's less crowded and the atmosphere is different; plus, reading keeps me in my own little world. Quite in fact, aside from Halloween I can't remember the last time I went out to a bar at night. Maybe I'll do that for my birthday this year, considering I have an unusual event this time around: my birthday actually falls on a Friday this year.
In sadder news, I had an epiphany as to why I feel angry and irritated lately, especially with Peanut's condition. Over the past decade or so I've been on my own and haven't had any real help or support financially or emotionally. That Rock Biter scene from The Neverending Story came to mind today. He was lamenting that despite all his strength, he could not hold onto his friends and save them from the inevitable. Furthermore, he accepted that "the Nothing" was going to consume him soon as well and he was powerless to stop it. The film to me seems to be a metaphor for negative emotions that consume people and render them useless. I've been able to solely provide and have total emotional care for myself and Peanut for over ten years now. His condition is deteriorating and there isn't anything I can do about it. It does serve as a reminder that I'll be all alone when he goes. It angers me, but I can't stop it from happening no matter how tough and self-reliant I've become otherwise.
I got back on Hinge, because I think it's about time I listen to my body a bit more. Something has been compelling me to date again. Oddly enough, this time around I'm not getting as much notice. I'm not really sure why. Maybe my profile isn't as robust. Aside from an online/app option, I don't really know where else to meet someone. Perhaps I could try a social group, but I already know how that would go down. I would be very awkward and uncomfortable in a group setting. I think that's in part why I've largely been going out for day drinks and avoiding the nightlife: it's less crowded and the atmosphere is different; plus, reading keeps me in my own little world. Quite in fact, aside from Halloween I can't remember the last time I went out to a bar at night. Maybe I'll do that for my birthday this year, considering I have an unusual event this time around: my birthday actually falls on a Friday this year.
In sadder news, I had an epiphany as to why I feel angry and irritated lately, especially with Peanut's condition. Over the past decade or so I've been on my own and haven't had any real help or support financially or emotionally. That Rock Biter scene from The Neverending Story came to mind today. He was lamenting that despite all his strength, he could not hold onto his friends and save them from the inevitable. Furthermore, he accepted that "the Nothing" was going to consume him soon as well and he was powerless to stop it. The film to me seems to be a metaphor for negative emotions that consume people and render them useless. I've been able to solely provide and have total emotional care for myself and Peanut for over ten years now. His condition is deteriorating and there isn't anything I can do about it. It does serve as a reminder that I'll be all alone when he goes. It angers me, but I can't stop it from happening no matter how tough and self-reliant I've become otherwise.