Stepping Forward
I've been having a hard time truly adjusting to this whole military lifestyle...and it hasn't even really started yet. I guess that's because I've had the same subject on my mind everyday. Mainly things that I don't like being unsure about. I'm trying to convince myself that I should just except things the way that they are now and try to make the best of them. But it's so hard to do when you heart doesn't want to do the same. I feel like crying everyday. I feel like giving up and hiding everyday. And I know that this is not me...but I'm not sure how else I should act in this situation. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself or angry or hurt about anything, but I am. I want to lie to myself and say that this is only temporary and that everything that was there before will be there again someday. But in all honesty, I just don't know.
I understand that people can change, but I wonder if they force it sometimes. At one point I thought that I was truly good at reading people and having a good judgment on their personalities...I was totally mistaken in that. But i also want to believe that whenever someone wants to run away and avoid something from happening, no matter when or where eventually it'll catch up to you...and not matter how hard you want to avoid, you're going to have to face it. But does this affect you as you are or will it still affect you when you're a changed person? Do the lies/ half truths that you tell to people you care about eventually surface years down the road or do you sit around wondering what could have been if you never told them at all?
Everyday I've been asking myself these same questions and everyday I get more and more pissed that the only answer that comes to light is "I don't know"....
I understand that people can change, but I wonder if they force it sometimes. At one point I thought that I was truly good at reading people and having a good judgment on their personalities...I was totally mistaken in that. But i also want to believe that whenever someone wants to run away and avoid something from happening, no matter when or where eventually it'll catch up to you...and not matter how hard you want to avoid, you're going to have to face it. But does this affect you as you are or will it still affect you when you're a changed person? Do the lies/ half truths that you tell to people you care about eventually surface years down the road or do you sit around wondering what could have been if you never told them at all?
Everyday I've been asking myself these same questions and everyday I get more and more pissed that the only answer that comes to light is "I don't know"....