After Deerfield Beach and Paper Fashion Show....
So I was thinking about it, as I finally had a talk with my mom about the whole Dan thing, and the whole mess with my Orlando friends...
The reason Dan can't pick things out for me when he's out and about -- it s because< he doesn't know me well enough on a personal level 1: because we didn't go on enough dates, or have valuable one-on-one time. Our "one-on-one time" was mainly me at his place while he worked on hw. OR we'd be with the whole gang. 2: I haven't gone through any catastrophes as he has while we've been dating. My mom was starting to say that I wasn't IN LOVE because I hadn't dated him long enough, hadn't had a real fight with him, and just hadn't gone through enough with him BUT I actually have been through a LOT with him -- BUT only on his end. I was with HIM though HIS highs and lows, totally one car, getting one stolen, his cat being sick, etc. BUT he hasn't gone through an major changes in MY life with me. SO maybe these reasons are why he may not have bonded with me on a certain level. I fell for him and saw him at his highs and lows, but how can he buy me something when he hasn't connected with me yet? ALSO, the places he hangs out aren't going to necessarily be places where I like things. When he goes to best buy or outdoor world with Will, he's not going to see things I LIKE, he's going to see things he likes, partially because they are mainly "guy stores" he doesn't go places where there's Japanese stuff, or art stuff...etc. PLUS -- I DON'T NEED "THINGS" (although greatly appreciated).....I'm not Charlotte, I'm WAAAAAAY less maintenance. The fact that I don't do name brands -- helloo! My "name brand " jeans = Express. My "name brand" bags = Arizona and Guess. C'mon...
Yes, I agree that I deserve to have someone feel the way about me as I do them. But I'm the girl, of course I'm gonna be more infatuated with you. AND I knew your life was getting harder, and I was willing to step aside and act as an aide to you in your time of transition, because I think that those times where you did love me, are worth waiting for...right? I wanted to help you in any way that I could. I knew I couldn't be center of attention. I deserve to be loved, and I wanted the love to come from you, but I understand that you're busy right now. I agree that I deserved better treatment, but not necessarily that I needed it from another guy. Why couldn't you just step up and own up to the potential I KNOW you have because I've heard your past with Charlotte and I know about your plan to ask Casey out way back when where you'd leave flowers outside and ask her to get the door for you...etc. So really, I don't think you tried very hard at all. When you realized you loved me when you were with me, you should have spent MORE time with me, gone that extra step to do something cute for me - you used to surprise me after work in the parking lot...(again, I don't need "things" simple actions of affection will do, again, I'm "low maintenance") AND for my birthday I wanted you to cook me dinner -- I know you already had my gift bought, but if you knew I wanted it, couldn't you have made me dinner some other time??
Now -- why would I want to be with someone who isn't willing to try to keep my love? Is he just lazy? Did he take the simple way out? But just running from the obligations of a relationship? Was he scared of getting to close to me because of his multiple deep scars? Once he realized this relationship was serious, was he scared that I would break HIS heart? He SAID he was holding back. When he realized he was holding back...why couldn't he let go? Did he freak out when he realized he was questioning his feelings for me? Like "You know...I don't know if I love her all the time......Oh My God, What Am I Thinking?! I Can't Be Thinking This! I've Got To Tell Her That I'm Doubting Our Relationship!".....and even if he sat down and chatted with Will about this....Will doesn't know enough about me to help Dan make this decision. Will (or someone) would be like "Yea man, you gotta tell her how you feel".. BUT who are they to say what's "Right" and what's "Wrong" for ME?? ESPECIALLY when Dan and I had never talked about this at all. Dan told me most of the details AFTER he had DECIDED that his actions were what was "Right" or "Fair" to me.
DISCLAIMER:::::: I will NOT be ready to talk to anyone about the cruise, nor look at pictures. Believe me when I say: I can imagine it was A LOT of fun, cruising and going to a new country, a fun, beachy, tropical country. SO I'd rather not hear you embellish on just how-much-fun you had without me. And I definitely don't need visuals. Sounds awful, but I'm just not ready yet. AND I'm still sore about things leading up to break, and I need time to forgive too, I kinda re-opened the smaller of the wounds tonight
So what happens when they get back from the cruise in 5 hours?
Do they crash at the beach house and go back to sleep? Do Christie and Dan head back to Orlando? Does Dan go to band practice? Does Dan need time alone since he just spent 100 hours constantly surrounded by 3-4 other people? Do I spend another day in SoFla? (I do want a haircut and sunglasses...)
I know up until today I was hoping to just run into Dan's arms and give him the biggest hug of his life, but I was thinking -- no phone, no comp, and his best mates....yea.. he probably distanced himself from me even more. He may have laid down more laws for our friendship in the name of what's "fair" to me. I dunno.
Stay tuned for more updates as today, (Friday) progresses. For now, it's bed time but I leave you with an interesting link: St. Patty's Day
The reason Dan can't pick things out for me when he's out and about -- it s because< he doesn't know me well enough on a personal level 1: because we didn't go on enough dates, or have valuable one-on-one time. Our "one-on-one time" was mainly me at his place while he worked on hw. OR we'd be with the whole gang. 2: I haven't gone through any catastrophes as he has while we've been dating. My mom was starting to say that I wasn't IN LOVE because I hadn't dated him long enough, hadn't had a real fight with him, and just hadn't gone through enough with him BUT I actually have been through a LOT with him -- BUT only on his end. I was with HIM though HIS highs and lows, totally one car, getting one stolen, his cat being sick, etc. BUT he hasn't gone through an major changes in MY life with me. SO maybe these reasons are why he may not have bonded with me on a certain level. I fell for him and saw him at his highs and lows, but how can he buy me something when he hasn't connected with me yet? ALSO, the places he hangs out aren't going to necessarily be places where I like things. When he goes to best buy or outdoor world with Will, he's not going to see things I LIKE, he's going to see things he likes, partially because they are mainly "guy stores" he doesn't go places where there's Japanese stuff, or art stuff...etc. PLUS -- I DON'T NEED "THINGS" (although greatly appreciated).....I'm not Charlotte, I'm WAAAAAAY less maintenance. The fact that I don't do name brands -- helloo! My "name brand " jeans = Express. My "name brand" bags = Arizona and Guess. C'mon...
Yes, I agree that I deserve to have someone feel the way about me as I do them. But I'm the girl, of course I'm gonna be more infatuated with you. AND I knew your life was getting harder, and I was willing to step aside and act as an aide to you in your time of transition, because I think that those times where you did love me, are worth waiting for...right? I wanted to help you in any way that I could. I knew I couldn't be center of attention. I deserve to be loved, and I wanted the love to come from you, but I understand that you're busy right now. I agree that I deserved better treatment, but not necessarily that I needed it from another guy. Why couldn't you just step up and own up to the potential I KNOW you have because I've heard your past with Charlotte and I know about your plan to ask Casey out way back when where you'd leave flowers outside and ask her to get the door for you...etc. So really, I don't think you tried very hard at all. When you realized you loved me when you were with me, you should have spent MORE time with me, gone that extra step to do something cute for me - you used to surprise me after work in the parking lot...(again, I don't need "things" simple actions of affection will do, again, I'm "low maintenance") AND for my birthday I wanted you to cook me dinner -- I know you already had my gift bought, but if you knew I wanted it, couldn't you have made me dinner some other time??
Now -- why would I want to be with someone who isn't willing to try to keep my love? Is he just lazy? Did he take the simple way out? But just running from the obligations of a relationship? Was he scared of getting to close to me because of his multiple deep scars? Once he realized this relationship was serious, was he scared that I would break HIS heart? He SAID he was holding back. When he realized he was holding back...why couldn't he let go? Did he freak out when he realized he was questioning his feelings for me? Like "You know...I don't know if I love her all the time......Oh My God, What Am I Thinking?! I Can't Be Thinking This! I've Got To Tell Her That I'm Doubting Our Relationship!".....and even if he sat down and chatted with Will about this....Will doesn't know enough about me to help Dan make this decision. Will (or someone) would be like "Yea man, you gotta tell her how you feel".. BUT who are they to say what's "Right" and what's "Wrong" for ME?? ESPECIALLY when Dan and I had never talked about this at all. Dan told me most of the details AFTER he had DECIDED that his actions were what was "Right" or "Fair" to me.
DISCLAIMER:::::: I will NOT be ready to talk to anyone about the cruise, nor look at pictures. Believe me when I say: I can imagine it was A LOT of fun, cruising and going to a new country, a fun, beachy, tropical country. SO I'd rather not hear you embellish on just how-much-fun you had without me. And I definitely don't need visuals. Sounds awful, but I'm just not ready yet. AND I'm still sore about things leading up to break, and I need time to forgive too, I kinda re-opened the smaller of the wounds tonight
So what happens when they get back from the cruise in 5 hours?
Do they crash at the beach house and go back to sleep? Do Christie and Dan head back to Orlando? Does Dan go to band practice? Does Dan need time alone since he just spent 100 hours constantly surrounded by 3-4 other people? Do I spend another day in SoFla? (I do want a haircut and sunglasses...)
I know up until today I was hoping to just run into Dan's arms and give him the biggest hug of his life, but I was thinking -- no phone, no comp, and his best mates....yea.. he probably distanced himself from me even more. He may have laid down more laws for our friendship in the name of what's "fair" to me. I dunno.
Stay tuned for more updates as today, (Friday) progresses. For now, it's bed time but I leave you with an interesting link: St. Patty's Day