Repent. . . the kingdom of Evan is at hand
Last year, my Halloween costume was lame. I was a priest. I put on my then-usual black shirt (I prefer the burgundy ones now), made a collar out of some wedding ribbon and tied my hair back.
But this year, I took it up a notch. Today, I walked the streets as Jesus Christ.
If, in the future, you too want to dress like Jesus, the process is described here. . .
Messianic Costumes for Kids, #1: JESUS CHRIST
Ingredients: one grey bathrobe, 5-6 clippings from a wild grapevine, 5-6 twist ties
Instructions:
1) cut strips of grapevine, of about 50 cm in length, and remove all leaves and tendrils (but not leaf stems; those will be your thorns).
2) bend them into a ring about the size of a baseball cap.
3) tie one end of each grapevine strip with a twist tie.
4) place grapevine strips on head. Voila! You have a crown of thorns.
5) put on grey bathrobe. Be certain not to let the robe get caught in the twist tie end of your crown, otherwise it may come undone.
. . .and, for your entertainment, a few parables from my day as Jesus:
The Gospel of Evan, 1:12: Jesus goes to a news reporting workshop
And the Presenter said, "These are just sort of the accepted basics of how to deal with sources. Obviously, it's not gospel."
Jesus replied, "Of course not. I'm the Gospel."
Evan 3:2: Jesus runs afoul of a section editor
And once the presentation was done, Jesus milled about in the lecture hall, stretching his legs. And the Section Editor knew him not, and asked: "who are you supposed to be? Aristotle?"
Jesus replied, "Who am I? I'm your saviour, fuck."
Evan 6:21: Jesus goes to a dinner party
The organizers had prepared a stately feast of pizza and dip for the multitude, and Jesus took many samples thereof. First, he tried the bacon and pepperoni; then the pepperoni and ham; and finally, the Hawaiian.
And a volunteer asked Jesus, "Why are you eating the pizza with pork in it? Aren't you supposed to be Jewish?"
Jesus replied, "I have come to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it."
(This makes more sense if you read Matthew 5:17-20.)
Evan 9:5: Jesus rides the bus
The people did not notice Jesus among them, for they, too, were wearing disguises. One was a bloody princess; another was a ghoul; others were angels and devils. And as Jesus rose to disembark from the bus, the man dressed as a '50s greaser said, "Are you Jesus?"
Jesus replied, "Yes. Are you Elvis?"
And the greaser replied, "No."
And Jesus said, "that's a shame. I've been looking forward to Elvis' comeback as much as my own."
There endeth the lesson.
I ended up wearing the costume for the whole day. The Charlatan and The Fulcrum were hosting some joint workshops on newspaper reporting, editing and media law, and our edstaff dared theirs to show up in costume. They cacked out. We, on the other hand, were represented by yours truly, a posse of three early-'90s rappers, Waldo, Stephen Harper and the general manager of the Montreal Expos. It was truly a sight to behold.
The workshops were cool too. They brought in a lot of Carleton journalism profs, none of whom I've had before because I'm not in the j-school. It was uplifting. It got me feeling really good about my job, and I learned a lot about the more specialized techniques of interviewing and copy editing.
But it was a tiring day, too, and I should soon go to bed. But if being the Son of God has taught me anything, it's this: I will rise again.
But this year, I took it up a notch. Today, I walked the streets as Jesus Christ.
If, in the future, you too want to dress like Jesus, the process is described here. . .
Messianic Costumes for Kids, #1: JESUS CHRIST
Ingredients: one grey bathrobe, 5-6 clippings from a wild grapevine, 5-6 twist ties
Instructions:
1) cut strips of grapevine, of about 50 cm in length, and remove all leaves and tendrils (but not leaf stems; those will be your thorns).
2) bend them into a ring about the size of a baseball cap.
3) tie one end of each grapevine strip with a twist tie.
4) place grapevine strips on head. Voila! You have a crown of thorns.
5) put on grey bathrobe. Be certain not to let the robe get caught in the twist tie end of your crown, otherwise it may come undone.
. . .and, for your entertainment, a few parables from my day as Jesus:
The Gospel of Evan, 1:12: Jesus goes to a news reporting workshop
And the Presenter said, "These are just sort of the accepted basics of how to deal with sources. Obviously, it's not gospel."
Jesus replied, "Of course not. I'm the Gospel."
Evan 3:2: Jesus runs afoul of a section editor
And once the presentation was done, Jesus milled about in the lecture hall, stretching his legs. And the Section Editor knew him not, and asked: "who are you supposed to be? Aristotle?"
Jesus replied, "Who am I? I'm your saviour, fuck."
Evan 6:21: Jesus goes to a dinner party
The organizers had prepared a stately feast of pizza and dip for the multitude, and Jesus took many samples thereof. First, he tried the bacon and pepperoni; then the pepperoni and ham; and finally, the Hawaiian.
And a volunteer asked Jesus, "Why are you eating the pizza with pork in it? Aren't you supposed to be Jewish?"
Jesus replied, "I have come to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it."
(This makes more sense if you read Matthew 5:17-20.)
Evan 9:5: Jesus rides the bus
The people did not notice Jesus among them, for they, too, were wearing disguises. One was a bloody princess; another was a ghoul; others were angels and devils. And as Jesus rose to disembark from the bus, the man dressed as a '50s greaser said, "Are you Jesus?"
Jesus replied, "Yes. Are you Elvis?"
And the greaser replied, "No."
And Jesus said, "that's a shame. I've been looking forward to Elvis' comeback as much as my own."
There endeth the lesson.
I ended up wearing the costume for the whole day. The Charlatan and The Fulcrum were hosting some joint workshops on newspaper reporting, editing and media law, and our edstaff dared theirs to show up in costume. They cacked out. We, on the other hand, were represented by yours truly, a posse of three early-'90s rappers, Waldo, Stephen Harper and the general manager of the Montreal Expos. It was truly a sight to behold.
The workshops were cool too. They brought in a lot of Carleton journalism profs, none of whom I've had before because I'm not in the j-school. It was uplifting. It got me feeling really good about my job, and I learned a lot about the more specialized techniques of interviewing and copy editing.
But it was a tiring day, too, and I should soon go to bed. But if being the Son of God has taught me anything, it's this: I will rise again.