it's 1:07am...
and i really have NO idea why i am up. lol.
so much for getting this damned thing more craftiness-oriented *GRIN!* today it's more complaint-oriented *sighs*...
sitting here reminiscing (sp?) about things happening over the last few years...and today, after a LONG period of apathy, etc, it occurred to me (again, this year!) to look into HOR and TheMommie(tm/r/c) and what has become of her/our beloved rose-friends, etc... so i went to the old site...looked around for a few minutes, missing people (mommie? weamy? i know yer listening in there somewhere, lol), and wishing some things had turned out differently. the House site never got finished: HOLLY and CAT got a rose page but -mine- never got done, LOL...my only bitterness there is how those bitches fucked the mommie (and YES i know how 3-years-old that name sounds, and i don't care; part of her will -always- be the mommie to me.) and got away with a whole lot. the bitter part of me hope their lives are miserable and unsatisfying for that. i miss the mommie SO MUCH some days...other days, i think fondly of her, and i always hope she's doing well and having fun; it's been a while since we talked, but last i heard, she was doing very well down there in coco beach, lol ;) i also learned tonight that our HOR group on yahoo has disappeared; it was there -last- time i looked - fall of 06, maybe?? but now: GONE. with no forwarding address, LOL!! (mommie, if yer listening and know anything, ye'd BETTER come clean, lol ;)) whatever happened, i miss those things in my life. i have always had a hard time moving on when things/people i love are gone. i acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it easier to get past them. *sigh*.
i miss MrKitty, too. and #Blackroses. people and things with whom i actually felt like a person, an entity, substantial. under close scrutiny, part of me feels silly talking about people i know from online (some of whom i -have- met!), and missing the silliness that we all had together; part of me has grown up a lot since those days, but still mourns for them. most of the losing touch is my fault, i know; i am the shittiest about correspondence that doesn't involve a computer, lol...but, still. yet another part of me feels like: "if my friendship/presence was wanted or mattered, someone would have said so, wouldn't they have?"
i guess i'm really feeling like i've lost people who were/are important to me, and even at 34 years old, i don't know how to handle that.
this is turning into a "look at the pitiful dragon" party, so i am going to bed, now. maybe watch the rest of psych on USA.
*LOVES*.
so much for getting this damned thing more craftiness-oriented *GRIN!* today it's more complaint-oriented *sighs*...
sitting here reminiscing (sp?) about things happening over the last few years...and today, after a LONG period of apathy, etc, it occurred to me (again, this year!) to look into HOR and TheMommie(tm/r/c) and what has become of her/our beloved rose-friends, etc... so i went to the old site...looked around for a few minutes, missing people (mommie? weamy? i know yer listening in there somewhere, lol), and wishing some things had turned out differently. the House site never got finished: HOLLY and CAT got a rose page but -mine- never got done, LOL...my only bitterness there is how those bitches fucked the mommie (and YES i know how 3-years-old that name sounds, and i don't care; part of her will -always- be the mommie to me.) and got away with a whole lot. the bitter part of me hope their lives are miserable and unsatisfying for that. i miss the mommie SO MUCH some days...other days, i think fondly of her, and i always hope she's doing well and having fun; it's been a while since we talked, but last i heard, she was doing very well down there in coco beach, lol ;) i also learned tonight that our HOR group on yahoo has disappeared; it was there -last- time i looked - fall of 06, maybe?? but now: GONE. with no forwarding address, LOL!! (mommie, if yer listening and know anything, ye'd BETTER come clean, lol ;)) whatever happened, i miss those things in my life. i have always had a hard time moving on when things/people i love are gone. i acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it easier to get past them. *sigh*.
i miss MrKitty, too. and #Blackroses. people and things with whom i actually felt like a person, an entity, substantial. under close scrutiny, part of me feels silly talking about people i know from online (some of whom i -have- met!), and missing the silliness that we all had together; part of me has grown up a lot since those days, but still mourns for them. most of the losing touch is my fault, i know; i am the shittiest about correspondence that doesn't involve a computer, lol...but, still. yet another part of me feels like: "if my friendship/presence was wanted or mattered, someone would have said so, wouldn't they have?"
i guess i'm really feeling like i've lost people who were/are important to me, and even at 34 years old, i don't know how to handle that.
this is turning into a "look at the pitiful dragon" party, so i am going to bed, now. maybe watch the rest of psych on USA.
*LOVES*.