since I haven't done anything
with my friends in a while. ok thats a lie.. I went out to lunch thursday with a bunch of people I don't know.. or like. that.. sucked. last friday I was out with Jessy and Liz.. big fun there considering everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.. its all about them when they're together.. big surprise. anyways! back to what my original thought was..
SINCE i havent been out with my friends in a while I've been doing some thinking. I can't really call them friends anymore.. if I ever really did to begin with.. sometimes i wonder why they hang out with me.. I dont like me.. but they do? or do they? no one ever wants to do anything with me. YESTERDAY megan out right told me she had plans.. well you know.. I didnt have anything to do.. did she invite me? no..she didnt. should i be upset? prolly not.. am i? very. I shouldnt let it get to me.. but ever since my mom moved out my confidence level has dropped dramatically.. I don't know why that is. but I miss her a lot. of course.. you wouldnt be able to tell because.. I feel like crap at home.. when I go to school I'm a totally different person. Nate saw it..maybe he's the only one that can? Nate.. he's.. different. A good different.. I have to thank Jess and communications for allowing me to get to know him better just a little. he isn't the type of person who judges you by the way you dress.. or the clothes you wear. I guess I've become some kind of person I never wanted to be.. I think I've become slightly shallow.. maybe not? I don't know..I've never worried about my hair or make-up.. about what I wear.. but this year esp. I've been kind of paranoid about it.. is this sane? who knows..
SINCE i havent been out with my friends in a while I've been doing some thinking. I can't really call them friends anymore.. if I ever really did to begin with.. sometimes i wonder why they hang out with me.. I dont like me.. but they do? or do they? no one ever wants to do anything with me. YESTERDAY megan out right told me she had plans.. well you know.. I didnt have anything to do.. did she invite me? no..she didnt. should i be upset? prolly not.. am i? very. I shouldnt let it get to me.. but ever since my mom moved out my confidence level has dropped dramatically.. I don't know why that is. but I miss her a lot. of course.. you wouldnt be able to tell because.. I feel like crap at home.. when I go to school I'm a totally different person. Nate saw it..maybe he's the only one that can? Nate.. he's.. different. A good different.. I have to thank Jess and communications for allowing me to get to know him better just a little. he isn't the type of person who judges you by the way you dress.. or the clothes you wear. I guess I've become some kind of person I never wanted to be.. I think I've become slightly shallow.. maybe not? I don't know..I've never worried about my hair or make-up.. about what I wear.. but this year esp. I've been kind of paranoid about it.. is this sane? who knows..