and someone is playing a game in the house that I grew up in...
I don't know why I continue to give into old emotions.
sometimes I worry that I will have this inside me forever, carrying with it the potential to ruin every good thing that comes into my life. I will use it to push people away, to hide within myself, screaming uncertainties and excuses into empty space, the reverberations beating against the walls of my mind until there is nothing left of me or my desires except an empty shell and faded memories of that time in my life when everything seemed perfect.
yesterday I sat, hugging myself and repeating, like a mantra: "what am I doing?" until I felt something within me snap and I stopped, still unsure of what path to take, but knowing/desperately hoping that clarity will come soon.
I just hope I can manage not to fuck anything up until that moment.
sometimes I worry that I will have this inside me forever, carrying with it the potential to ruin every good thing that comes into my life. I will use it to push people away, to hide within myself, screaming uncertainties and excuses into empty space, the reverberations beating against the walls of my mind until there is nothing left of me or my desires except an empty shell and faded memories of that time in my life when everything seemed perfect.
yesterday I sat, hugging myself and repeating, like a mantra: "what am I doing?" until I felt something within me snap and I stopped, still unsure of what path to take, but knowing/desperately hoping that clarity will come soon.
I just hope I can manage not to fuck anything up until that moment.