A Bit on the Eh side...
As you may or may not know, eh... means that I'm on the I don't know what's happening, kinda like... neutral, but can burst any moment type of saying. Or it just means... EH.
A lot of things been happening lately. I became friends with Anthony again, broke off my relationship with franky on Feb 21st, and demolished the whole friendship with Juan. Yeah, a lot been happening.
My mind doesn't seem to want to work with my heart for once. It's like I don't want to hurt Franky, and cause a commotion between him and I about how I feel, but its really difficult to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I mean... Last night I lost it at Anthony's house. (Long story.) and then went to Franky and lost it again there. -_- I keep losin' it when I really didn't want to. I have feelings, and they are being bounced.... by me.
I've been told though, that I was infactuated, it made it sound like it was a completely bad thing. Like I was a monster that needed to be stopped. I completely disliked the whole idea of being told that I was infactuated because of how I acted. I mean.. yeah okay, maybe it bugged em'alittle, but c'mon.. Its not like I put bugs in his mouth, and made em' chew.
I keep thinking I'm this bad person that needs to be stopped, and put an end to. My feelings should be wrapped up, and forgotten. Why should I forget my feelings even if it weren't meant to be? Why should I just have the rot in the back of my head, for further notice? Its not a crime to have feelings. Its not WRONG at all. And to be told it isn't BAD, is kinda a bunch o' crap to me, cuz it seems like they DO want the feelings to wither away like it was never there. Well I'm sorry, but if they were there in the first place, I'm sure that no matter what I do, those feelings will still remain no matter what, well except if I got killed, or something.
"It's not bad"...Well if it isn't so bad, why does it seem like a complaint? Yeah... lockdown, I know. Eh....
On another note, My feelings for Franky seems to be there but not there at all. My feelings seems to be crumbling right before me. Last night after I was at Anthony's, I went there... and I felt relieved to be at Franky's, but I also felt nothing. I don't know about these feelings either. Yeah, we cried in eachother's arms. But I was crying moreso because I hurt Franky. I didn't want to hurt him, but I did because I feel like I'm falling out of love. Pretty bad, if you ask me. We've been through a lot, and now this happens.
Another feeling that I can't help but have....
I think I need to get out more. Like have a morning job and go from there. Maybe I need time to just relax, and forget about relationships, and think about friendship more. And if not friendship, than just think on where I need to be headed. I want to grow up, and if I stay around the people that I feel may keep me from that, then I need to part ways for a little while just so I can. Not that I mean I'm going to part ways, but maybe I just need something to occupy me, away from having to be occupied by certain people I care about. Maybe I need to focus on something else of a few hours, and then come back and relax.
I know one thing though. If I keep going on like this, I know my feelings might get me into trouble. But I hate ignoring these feelings. I hate disliking them too. ::Sighs:: I hate when I'm not taken seriously either.
I'm lost in this world...-_-
I'm a girl in the crowd, and I want to find the exit. I want to be known... Not just like any other girl people see. I want to be someone to another person. Not just a girl in the crowd. I want to stand out.
I wish I could be that someone....Not just anyone.
A lot of things been happening lately. I became friends with Anthony again, broke off my relationship with franky on Feb 21st, and demolished the whole friendship with Juan. Yeah, a lot been happening.
My mind doesn't seem to want to work with my heart for once. It's like I don't want to hurt Franky, and cause a commotion between him and I about how I feel, but its really difficult to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I mean... Last night I lost it at Anthony's house. (Long story.) and then went to Franky and lost it again there. -_- I keep losin' it when I really didn't want to. I have feelings, and they are being bounced.... by me.
I've been told though, that I was infactuated, it made it sound like it was a completely bad thing. Like I was a monster that needed to be stopped. I completely disliked the whole idea of being told that I was infactuated because of how I acted. I mean.. yeah okay, maybe it bugged em'alittle, but c'mon.. Its not like I put bugs in his mouth, and made em' chew.
I keep thinking I'm this bad person that needs to be stopped, and put an end to. My feelings should be wrapped up, and forgotten. Why should I forget my feelings even if it weren't meant to be? Why should I just have the rot in the back of my head, for further notice? Its not a crime to have feelings. Its not WRONG at all. And to be told it isn't BAD, is kinda a bunch o' crap to me, cuz it seems like they DO want the feelings to wither away like it was never there. Well I'm sorry, but if they were there in the first place, I'm sure that no matter what I do, those feelings will still remain no matter what, well except if I got killed, or something.
"It's not bad"...Well if it isn't so bad, why does it seem like a complaint? Yeah... lockdown, I know. Eh....
On another note, My feelings for Franky seems to be there but not there at all. My feelings seems to be crumbling right before me. Last night after I was at Anthony's, I went there... and I felt relieved to be at Franky's, but I also felt nothing. I don't know about these feelings either. Yeah, we cried in eachother's arms. But I was crying moreso because I hurt Franky. I didn't want to hurt him, but I did because I feel like I'm falling out of love. Pretty bad, if you ask me. We've been through a lot, and now this happens.
Another feeling that I can't help but have....
I think I need to get out more. Like have a morning job and go from there. Maybe I need time to just relax, and forget about relationships, and think about friendship more. And if not friendship, than just think on where I need to be headed. I want to grow up, and if I stay around the people that I feel may keep me from that, then I need to part ways for a little while just so I can. Not that I mean I'm going to part ways, but maybe I just need something to occupy me, away from having to be occupied by certain people I care about. Maybe I need to focus on something else of a few hours, and then come back and relax.
I know one thing though. If I keep going on like this, I know my feelings might get me into trouble. But I hate ignoring these feelings. I hate disliking them too. ::Sighs:: I hate when I'm not taken seriously either.
I'm lost in this world...-_-
I'm a girl in the crowd, and I want to find the exit. I want to be known... Not just like any other girl people see. I want to be someone to another person. Not just a girl in the crowd. I want to stand out.
I wish I could be that someone....Not just anyone.