remembering....
i suddenly feel kind of emotional. its one of my old emotional times when i would jump on the phone and have a long talk with someone. but i don't do that anymore. i want to cry but i'm not really sure why. i want to grieve but for what? for all the people i have lost in my life? for who i was? for who i want to be? i'm sitting here in one of my many rjm t-shirts and its just this consent reminder of all of it. of all the hurt and pain and sorrow. all the shit that waits for me back at home. here i can pretend that life doesn't hurt but back there is were all my pain lays and waits for me. there is my reality that hits me. its were i can't hide and pretend. everything there reminds of the things and people i have lost over the years. and part of me doesn't want to remember.