(no subject)
So, as of late, I've been trying to figure out how to talk to my parents about transitioning. Part of me wants to just sit them down or take them out to dinner and tell them that I want to go on testosterone. I'm really scared to tell them because ever since I came out to them, they haven't really made an effort to acknowledge the fact that I'm a boy or that I go by Trae. I mean, they do address things to "Trae," but when I'm with my family, they don't call me Trae, and they don't use male pronouns. I also am debating telling the rest of my family. If I go on T, I don't think it would be fair to start transitioning without telling them. This, my friends, is the hardest part. I know that my parents wouldn't disown me or anything, but I don't know about my uncle and his bitch-ass wife. I love my cousins and my uncle, and it would break my heart if I couldn't see them anymore. Also, I am concerned about my family because on my dad's side, I have an uncle...a rich, eccentric uncle...who as long as we don't piss him off, will give us money in his will. He freaked out because I got my lip pierced, and to hear that his "niece" is a tranny, and is going to be his nephew, I just don't want to fuck things over for the rest of my family. :-/ while I doubt that would happen, it still could. Well, I guess I'll never know until I find out.
The other night, I was dreaming about talking to my mom, and it was going really well. She and I were having a really good talk, and my mom sat me down and told me that she had something really important to tell me. She started getting teary, and she gave me a big hug and started to say something....and my phone woke me up. lolz. I don't remember anything that she was saying, but all I remember is that she was being like she normally is, very caring and she was basically like, "we will love you no matter what" so that was a good dream.
I also have been watching a lot of videos on youtube from the "Trannystar Galactica" channel, and realizing how many people really have similar opinions to me. Oh, internets, I love you. You have everything and everyone. But one thing that I'm really superficially scared about is when I go on T, getting acne. I am terrified that it will be as bad as some guys' I've seen. I figure, for me, that my acne would be something between the acne I had during my first puberty (which wasn't really bad at all) and my brother's (which was considerably worse than mine, but not too bad). So, I'm really scared about my "second puberty" that I'm up for. I mean, it's totally worth it, but gawd, yet another ugly duckling phase? geez. give me a break. Whatever.
Oh! Erik got a tattoo yesterday, and it's freaking sweet!!!!!!!!! I love it so much. He came over yesterday, and he, Kelsey and I took some ritalin (sp?) because she had to write a paper by 9am today, and Erik and I were bored, and hadn't done it before, so we did. I was kinda hyper and giggly for a while, then my mind was just really awake, even though my body was tired. Erik decided it would be a good idea to have a complete psychological break and have a 2.5 hour conversation with someone....that wasn't there! hahahahaha! soooo crazy. lolz. it was funny though. Then I ended up staying awake until about 5 or 6am, and I had to wake up at 8 for work this morning....well, I did wake up at 8, but not to my alarm. I woke up with a pain in my chest...my sternum I believe. My phone was lodged underneath me, and I was lying on my stomach, so it was digging into my chest, painfully. lolz. I was like, WTF?! and turned on my phone to see what time it was...hoping it wasn't after 9, because then I'd be fired. It was only 8, and I got to work on time...just fyi. :) Oh, yeah, back to the story I meant to tell. So, Erik and I were discussing our tattoo ideas and the fact that the next time he goes to get one, I'm going to go too. I'm still trying to figure out what to get, but I want either my Q and trans symbol, or I was thinking about getting "regret nothing" or something to that extent. but I'm still working on it. maybe I'll just get "fancylad" tattooed on my forehead. lolz.
Also, still freaking out about rent because Finch hasn't gotten back to Kelsey or me. AAAAHHHHHH!!! I hate hate HATE paying rent late. I mean, we have a grace period of 5 days, but still. I really hope Finch can come through. because I don't know how the hell Kels and I are gonna pay for this. *sigh* oh well, things will work out.
Oh, still no word on any of our living situations. I am really hoping for the co-op house, because it's nice, it's basically on campus, and we won't find anything cheaper that's in a good condition. So who knows....maybe we'll get the co-op and everything will be gravy. I hope. Oh well, back to work...it's almost break time! I love my job.
The other night, I was dreaming about talking to my mom, and it was going really well. She and I were having a really good talk, and my mom sat me down and told me that she had something really important to tell me. She started getting teary, and she gave me a big hug and started to say something....and my phone woke me up. lolz. I don't remember anything that she was saying, but all I remember is that she was being like she normally is, very caring and she was basically like, "we will love you no matter what" so that was a good dream.
I also have been watching a lot of videos on youtube from the "Trannystar Galactica" channel, and realizing how many people really have similar opinions to me. Oh, internets, I love you. You have everything and everyone. But one thing that I'm really superficially scared about is when I go on T, getting acne. I am terrified that it will be as bad as some guys' I've seen. I figure, for me, that my acne would be something between the acne I had during my first puberty (which wasn't really bad at all) and my brother's (which was considerably worse than mine, but not too bad). So, I'm really scared about my "second puberty" that I'm up for. I mean, it's totally worth it, but gawd, yet another ugly duckling phase? geez. give me a break. Whatever.
Oh! Erik got a tattoo yesterday, and it's freaking sweet!!!!!!!!! I love it so much. He came over yesterday, and he, Kelsey and I took some ritalin (sp?) because she had to write a paper by 9am today, and Erik and I were bored, and hadn't done it before, so we did. I was kinda hyper and giggly for a while, then my mind was just really awake, even though my body was tired. Erik decided it would be a good idea to have a complete psychological break and have a 2.5 hour conversation with someone....that wasn't there! hahahahaha! soooo crazy. lolz. it was funny though. Then I ended up staying awake until about 5 or 6am, and I had to wake up at 8 for work this morning....well, I did wake up at 8, but not to my alarm. I woke up with a pain in my chest...my sternum I believe. My phone was lodged underneath me, and I was lying on my stomach, so it was digging into my chest, painfully. lolz. I was like, WTF?! and turned on my phone to see what time it was...hoping it wasn't after 9, because then I'd be fired. It was only 8, and I got to work on time...just fyi. :) Oh, yeah, back to the story I meant to tell. So, Erik and I were discussing our tattoo ideas and the fact that the next time he goes to get one, I'm going to go too. I'm still trying to figure out what to get, but I want either my Q and trans symbol, or I was thinking about getting "regret nothing" or something to that extent. but I'm still working on it. maybe I'll just get "fancylad" tattooed on my forehead. lolz.
Also, still freaking out about rent because Finch hasn't gotten back to Kelsey or me. AAAAHHHHHH!!! I hate hate HATE paying rent late. I mean, we have a grace period of 5 days, but still. I really hope Finch can come through. because I don't know how the hell Kels and I are gonna pay for this. *sigh* oh well, things will work out.
Oh, still no word on any of our living situations. I am really hoping for the co-op house, because it's nice, it's basically on campus, and we won't find anything cheaper that's in a good condition. So who knows....maybe we'll get the co-op and everything will be gravy. I hope. Oh well, back to work...it's almost break time! I love my job.