(no subject)
So, as many of you know, I haven't been quite myself lately. I've been having a hard time dealing with the fact that my romantic relationship with Kat is over, and our platonic relationship is still going. She's dating someone new, and she's really nice. And I'm sorry to Kat because I hurt her by not being so nice to her when she came over this weekend. I am moving on, and I'm not saying I'm not sad, but I'm just trying to let all my feelings go, and just start new ones. Last night after my epic 15 hour shift at work, I turned on some music, and just cried. It helped me a lot, and I'm not feeling quite as bad. Kat and I also talked last night, which helped too. It also helped solidify the fact that I need to be single right now. I'm not going to deny anything that may happen, but I'm not going to pursue anything either. I'm just starting over and learning how to be happy by myself, like I used to be. I'm just going to live life how I want to, and I'm going to get through this next few months and I'll be mostly unscathed.
What a start to 2009.
I think I might take Laura up on her offer to let me take my driving test in her car, just so I can have my license.
I also am hopefully going to start making knit and crochet things to sell. I don't want to do anything too big, but if anyone wants me to make something for them, let me know what and if you need it by a certain day, I'll let you know how much it'll be.
I also am going to save my money and get a new binder, and I'm going to save my pennies and possibly take a train to California to see Ashley in May when she has her baby. I really miss her, and I can't wait to see her. I'm also thinking about taking a trip for spring break, I'm not quite sure where yet, but maybe Chicago? I'd just take the megabus there, because it's cheap, and I'd hopefully be going with friends...if they'd want to go. or a roadtrip might be in order. who knows.
I still need to go house shopping. This is a priority. I honestly mean this. This needs to happen. SOON.
Also, I am really glad my friends exist. They helped me more than I could ever imagine, and I just keep making more friends, and my old ones become better friends. I don't know what I'd do without them, probably go crazy. Especially the few that I'm thinking of right.....*now*.
I'm excitedly awaiting the first PRIDE! meeting on thursday, just to see how many people come to it. Also,....I just lost my train of thought...uuuuuummmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuhhhhh...whatever.
I'm working on getting my actual image to match my self image. meaning, I'm eating better and I'm starting to workout by myself. I still want to start going to the rec to swim, I just have to get my butt up there. maybe I'll just start going early mornings before my classes on tuesday and thursdays, when my first class starts at 11am. I'll just wake up like I have class at 8, and go to the rec and swim until 10, get dried off and go to class at 11. I might have to ride the dreaded (by me) bus to class in the winter, but in the spring and summer, I can walk. Unless anyone wants to wake up ridiculously early to go swim or go work out while I swim. I think going to swim is going to be good for me, and me being comfortable with my body, because I really can't stand it sometimes. not even just me being out of shape, but me not having the body I imagine myself to have.
Also, I'm going on T soon, Yay! and that'll help get rid of a lot of the extra energy I'm going to have when I start T. I'm excited, and I'm scared. I am excited for all the effects and everything that goes with being on T, passing, a deeper voice, higher sex drive (lol), and just having my body look more masculine, but I'm scared that my parents aren't going to be too keen on the idea that their daughter now really is their son, and they can't pretend that nothing is happening. I'm also scared about coming out to the rest of my family. It's going to have to happen. because I can't show up for easter and just be all of a sudden masculine looking. it's going to be interesting.
2009 is going to be interesting really. Keep and eye and ear and mind open for more news about me. :-) I'll be sure to let you know.
What a start to 2009.
I think I might take Laura up on her offer to let me take my driving test in her car, just so I can have my license.
I also am hopefully going to start making knit and crochet things to sell. I don't want to do anything too big, but if anyone wants me to make something for them, let me know what and if you need it by a certain day, I'll let you know how much it'll be.
I also am going to save my money and get a new binder, and I'm going to save my pennies and possibly take a train to California to see Ashley in May when she has her baby. I really miss her, and I can't wait to see her. I'm also thinking about taking a trip for spring break, I'm not quite sure where yet, but maybe Chicago? I'd just take the megabus there, because it's cheap, and I'd hopefully be going with friends...if they'd want to go. or a roadtrip might be in order. who knows.
I still need to go house shopping. This is a priority. I honestly mean this. This needs to happen. SOON.
Also, I am really glad my friends exist. They helped me more than I could ever imagine, and I just keep making more friends, and my old ones become better friends. I don't know what I'd do without them, probably go crazy. Especially the few that I'm thinking of right.....*now*.
I'm excitedly awaiting the first PRIDE! meeting on thursday, just to see how many people come to it. Also,....I just lost my train of thought...uuuuuummmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuhhhhh...whatever.
I'm working on getting my actual image to match my self image. meaning, I'm eating better and I'm starting to workout by myself. I still want to start going to the rec to swim, I just have to get my butt up there. maybe I'll just start going early mornings before my classes on tuesday and thursdays, when my first class starts at 11am. I'll just wake up like I have class at 8, and go to the rec and swim until 10, get dried off and go to class at 11. I might have to ride the dreaded (by me) bus to class in the winter, but in the spring and summer, I can walk. Unless anyone wants to wake up ridiculously early to go swim or go work out while I swim. I think going to swim is going to be good for me, and me being comfortable with my body, because I really can't stand it sometimes. not even just me being out of shape, but me not having the body I imagine myself to have.
Also, I'm going on T soon, Yay! and that'll help get rid of a lot of the extra energy I'm going to have when I start T. I'm excited, and I'm scared. I am excited for all the effects and everything that goes with being on T, passing, a deeper voice, higher sex drive (lol), and just having my body look more masculine, but I'm scared that my parents aren't going to be too keen on the idea that their daughter now really is their son, and they can't pretend that nothing is happening. I'm also scared about coming out to the rest of my family. It's going to have to happen. because I can't show up for easter and just be all of a sudden masculine looking. it's going to be interesting.
2009 is going to be interesting really. Keep and eye and ear and mind open for more news about me. :-) I'll be sure to let you know.