Minute Existential Crisis
Shane's fedora has me utterly stumped. I thought I had it all figured out. The reality of it is not what I expected, however. It's a strange case of knowing what I've got and where I want to end up, but not knowing how to get from here to there. I'm feeling exceptionally crestfallen at the moment. Of course it's also making me doubt myself as a milliner, despite all the examples to the contrary sitting on the hat stand behind me. I think I shall have to do some more research, and perhaps buy a few more felts to practice on. Luckily I didn't actually start on the end felt. But honestly I have no idea where to go.
Additionally, I've been looking for new apartments again. So far nothing really exciting in my budget. Just for the sake of amusing myself (I thought) I doubled my budget in the search field to see what came up. Of course a handful of beautiful houses/apartments came up. And now I am depressed that I cannot afford them. Although the depression is not on account of the houses, it's more the thought that I will probably be making $10.50/hour for a long time, unless I can find another equally inspiring job that pays better. I know that I can easily make more than that as, say, a waitress. But where would that get me, creatively speaking? No where. I need to stay in a place where I have access to information and people that can teach me what I need to know. It is crucial. I have been ok with being poor because I've been thinking in the short term. But when I allow my thoughts to edge out into the long term, I get very anxious. It's all grey and misty with lots of potential pitfalls.
Tonight is a night when having a boy around would be handy. Not that a boy would solve any of my problems, but a warm body to cuddle with would sure be a comfort. I think I'll settle for tea and a movie.
Additionally, I've been looking for new apartments again. So far nothing really exciting in my budget. Just for the sake of amusing myself (I thought) I doubled my budget in the search field to see what came up. Of course a handful of beautiful houses/apartments came up. And now I am depressed that I cannot afford them. Although the depression is not on account of the houses, it's more the thought that I will probably be making $10.50/hour for a long time, unless I can find another equally inspiring job that pays better. I know that I can easily make more than that as, say, a waitress. But where would that get me, creatively speaking? No where. I need to stay in a place where I have access to information and people that can teach me what I need to know. It is crucial. I have been ok with being poor because I've been thinking in the short term. But when I allow my thoughts to edge out into the long term, I get very anxious. It's all grey and misty with lots of potential pitfalls.
Tonight is a night when having a boy around would be handy. Not that a boy would solve any of my problems, but a warm body to cuddle with would sure be a comfort. I think I'll settle for tea and a movie.