Introducing: Insta-Review!
This is all a joke meant only for my own amusement. I honestly don't mean this as a criticism to anybody or anything. If you're amused, then DOUBLE WIN!
Do you ever want to write that perfect review for that one story by that girl who writes stuff, but find that words fail you?
Do you want to express your sincere gratitude, but find that your mind has been so blown that words escape you?
Are these same people moping and hounding you on Twitter, passive-aggressively guilt tripping you for reviews because they're part Italian?
WELL, HAVE WE GOT THE PRODUCT FOR YOU!
Introducing Insta-Review!
Insta-Review is a safe, non-habit forming formula that, when applied correctly, results in the kind of review that every writer hopes and prays for!
The secret is our patented, state of the art BRACKETS. If you follow the brackets, you can do no wrong!
All you have to do is choose between the adjectives in the brackets SLASH! do what the brackets tell you, and our top-of-the-line, totally-written-by-nerds-in-a-cubicle software will do the rest! It's almost like the review is written for you!
What's that, you say? You're skeptical? Well then, why not try a !FREE! sample!
Just use our patented technology, and the review will write itself!
[Wow, Oh, Golly, Gee, Curse Word], I loved it! My favorite part was [Describe any part at all. Just choose one at random.] I could [totally, completely, definitely] see them doing that in the [show, movie, play, book]. My favorite line is: "[insert line at random]" I just love that. This is why you're my favorite writer in the whole universe! Ever! Would it be weird if I [named my firstborn after you, tattooed this story on my back, send you steamy love letters, bottle your tears and use them to cure cancer, give you money, conquer a small country in your honor]? Because I love this enough to do that.
Your stories complete me and make me a better person. And, I think they also save children in [Africa, Asia, South America, Canada].
Love,
[Insert your name]
SEE? YOU'LL BE WRITING AWESOME REVIEWS IN NO TIME!
This review and much, much more! for only three easy payments of $142365543! It's a steal at twice the price!
But wait, there's more!
Buy now, and you will also receive a complementary Suggest-A-Story, absolutely free! At no charge to you! Suggest-A-Story is a simple headband that when activated properly, sends psychic suggestions for stories you want written deep into the subconscious of whatever fanfic writer is twittering. Soon, YOU will not only be able to review the stories you like, but you'll be able to get someone to write the stories you want written!
DON'T BE A STUPID PERSON! BUY INSTA-REVIEW NOW!
*Insta-review is not liable for any dry mouth, discomfort, nausea, insincerity, or fakeness that results in the use of this product. Also, Suggest-A-Story may cause side effects such as: dizziness, drowsiness, head injuries, divorce, malnutrition, not actually working at all, and death. Call now for your order of Insta-Review and the totally free! free! free! Suggest-A-Story. NOW! NOW! NOW! Monkeys are standing by.
Do you ever want to write that perfect review for that one story by that girl who writes stuff, but find that words fail you?
Do you want to express your sincere gratitude, but find that your mind has been so blown that words escape you?
Are these same people moping and hounding you on Twitter, passive-aggressively guilt tripping you for reviews because they're part Italian?
WELL, HAVE WE GOT THE PRODUCT FOR YOU!
Introducing Insta-Review!
Insta-Review is a safe, non-habit forming formula that, when applied correctly, results in the kind of review that every writer hopes and prays for!
The secret is our patented, state of the art BRACKETS. If you follow the brackets, you can do no wrong!
All you have to do is choose between the adjectives in the brackets SLASH! do what the brackets tell you, and our top-of-the-line, totally-written-by-nerds-in-a-cubicle software will do the rest! It's almost like the review is written for you!
What's that, you say? You're skeptical? Well then, why not try a !FREE! sample!
Just use our patented technology, and the review will write itself!
[Wow, Oh, Golly, Gee, Curse Word], I loved it! My favorite part was [Describe any part at all. Just choose one at random.] I could [totally, completely, definitely] see them doing that in the [show, movie, play, book]. My favorite line is: "[insert line at random]" I just love that. This is why you're my favorite writer in the whole universe! Ever! Would it be weird if I [named my firstborn after you, tattooed this story on my back, send you steamy love letters, bottle your tears and use them to cure cancer, give you money, conquer a small country in your honor]? Because I love this enough to do that.
Your stories complete me and make me a better person. And, I think they also save children in [Africa, Asia, South America, Canada].
Love,
[Insert your name]
SEE? YOU'LL BE WRITING AWESOME REVIEWS IN NO TIME!
This review and much, much more! for only three easy payments of $142365543! It's a steal at twice the price!
But wait, there's more!
Buy now, and you will also receive a complementary Suggest-A-Story, absolutely free! At no charge to you! Suggest-A-Story is a simple headband that when activated properly, sends psychic suggestions for stories you want written deep into the subconscious of whatever fanfic writer is twittering. Soon, YOU will not only be able to review the stories you like, but you'll be able to get someone to write the stories you want written!
DON'T BE A STUPID PERSON! BUY INSTA-REVIEW NOW!
*Insta-review is not liable for any dry mouth, discomfort, nausea, insincerity, or fakeness that results in the use of this product. Also, Suggest-A-Story may cause side effects such as: dizziness, drowsiness, head injuries, divorce, malnutrition, not actually working at all, and death. Call now for your order of Insta-Review and the totally free! free! free! Suggest-A-Story. NOW! NOW! NOW! Monkeys are standing by.