horrible dream....
i just woke up its like 5 in the morning every night they get worse, i keep having dreams about sylvia, i guess cauze this is the week coming up when it all happened today is the day not the day exactly but the last saturday in june so i guess it is. right now at this time last year, it was all hapening. the dreams are horrible they are so vivid like if its happening again right now. what sucks is i can never see sylvia like if i cant remember what she looks like. her picutre is still hanging on my wall. why in my head cant i see her face its so weird, i can never see her face, i only hear her screaming, i only hear her crying. i dont want to think about it, this whole year has been so hard, and i thaught i finally moved on, but im still thinking about it. god i miss her, but more then that i miss myself. i realize now y i lost all my friends when i came back, cauze ive changed i guess. sometimes i can fake it and pretend to be the old me, but its gone. everybody says im so lucky to have survived, and to thank god for my life and all that bs, but there wrong, i did die that night. w.e that was inside me that made me mee is gone dead. they took it away. this whole year was just me being fake. im tired of being a hypocrite, im tired of being fake, im tired of being the class clown of always cracking jokes and making everyone laugh, when im crying inside myself. im tired of living, im tired of life.
i want to be with her again, i want to hold her. i want it to be july last summer when everything was perfect. i looked at my scars today, for the first time i really looked at them, and saw how ugly they were. like if i was branded by that family scared for life, so now i can never be loved again. no one will ever love me now, im to ugly.
im listening to sylvia sing, to that cd she made me, when she sang the shakira song "whenever where ever we are meant to be together" i know we are god i love her voice, its taking me for ever to write this entry cauze i keep crying, maybe i should stop now. i should try to sleep.
SYLVIA I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER
i want to be with her again, i want to hold her. i want it to be july last summer when everything was perfect. i looked at my scars today, for the first time i really looked at them, and saw how ugly they were. like if i was branded by that family scared for life, so now i can never be loved again. no one will ever love me now, im to ugly.
im listening to sylvia sing, to that cd she made me, when she sang the shakira song "whenever where ever we are meant to be together" i know we are god i love her voice, its taking me for ever to write this entry cauze i keep crying, maybe i should stop now. i should try to sleep.
SYLVIA I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER