(no subject)
I am sitting in my living room and the T.V. is very loud and I probably won't turn it down. I am alone with my brother because my parents went to a wedding and my sister is at a friend's house. Which is okay with me because I love my brother more than I love anyone or will ever love anything for the fact that he knows more than I or anyone else ever will. How to simply be happy with what he has, without wanting anything else. He doesn't anticipate the future or dwell in the past but simply lives. He does what he wants and thinks how he wants and does not contradict himself on a level that everyone else does. As all things and nature simply are, he is. You're not, and I'm not, and we're always looking for something else or picking our brains for answers to questions that will never actually be answered, it's just a circle that will make you dizzy. As it's making me right now. There's a lot to say, I guess but I can't really put it into words right now because my mind feels like a rubik's cube and to tell you the truth, those frustrate me and I will soon give up on how I'm feeling all together and my mind will change it's mind.
So, I guess I will tell you the reality of things; Thursday Alex picked me up from my house after work and we drove to his house and decided spur of the moment that we would make the drive to Kalamazoo for just the night so we could get out of here. Kali and Alyssa came also. It was a really long drive and at some point there was traffic and I was pretty antsy partly because I had taken speed but also because there wasn't much music for me to sing to. We finally got there at around 9:00, which was what I had anticipated anyway, so I guess I wasn't in much of a rush for anything besides to walk around or be in more of an open space. We went to Steve's and there were quite a few people there sitting on the porch talking. I said hello and gave a couple hugs (which always makes me feel a lot better, for some reason) and Steve and Alex got on skateboards and road to the nearest liquor shop. Alex and I split a fifth of tequila and Alyssa and Kali drank vodka, although contrary to popular belief, I drank most of the tequila and got drunk quickly which in turn made me more generous than usual.
We left Steve's and walked to Alex Pogo's house, but there were a lot of people there mingling and sitting on the porch, most drunk, so the volume of voices were speaking over each other making the volume unnecessarily loud. Alex had just gotten in trouble with the law a couple nights prior so he was a little hesitant and very paranoid, and of course without sober judgment I decided I needed to help, but in this case I had actually helped. I asked everyone to come inside, which I wouldn't normally do unless I was in one of my more outgoing moods, and everyone did as I asked (surprisingly), and some boy even commented on my success. But the house was a little cramped and Alex was still a little nervous, so Steve suggested a party elsewhere.
We all walked a couple blocks to the next party which was overwhelmingly full of people, from the house the the yard, I've honestly never seen anything like it, naive as it may sound. I stood in the corner of the backyard for a while, fully intending on spending the entire night there because I, for one, was not about to be in any more legal trouble. I looked around for flashing lights which was inevitable because if I didn't know any better, it would have seemed to me that we were at some kind of fucking rave. I was sitting on the hood of a car, chain smoking and by myself, to the right was a fence and to the left were two drunk college kids on the hood of a car ripping at each other's clothes and kissing (in my opinion their kissing was very sloppy and loose and didn't look very romantic). I was staring and really grossing myself out until Alex called my phone asking where I was, (because for some reason he always gets very worried that I'm in some kind of great deal of trouble if he can't find me) and I spotted him looking aimlessly for me in a crowd of what had to be at least seventy people in the back yard alone. Emily was with him and he had gotten a cup of beer from the keg for himself and one for us. Emily and I were sharing it. After the second time Alex had filled up our cup, Emily had gained the courage to go about it by herself (with me tailing behind, of course) and on our way, we spotted this blind boy, cane and all, by himself, trying to make his way to the bathroom in which he had no direction to. Emily and I assisted him to the bathroom and turned our heads while he pissed. He was visibly drunk and asking for more beer, but the keg was gone and Emily and I began to ask him an assortment of questions, which anyone would do if they were to see something as careless as that situation all together. Asking who he was with and where he lived, questions not to offend him but more to help. Questions we disguised as curiosity, but were actually questions of nervousness. No one would help and the cops ended up showing up. Being as nice as we could, we directed the kid to a spot he could sit before we dashed out the back door and started walking a purposeless walk to nowhere until we finally rested on the side of a house to smoke a cigarette.
We eventually met up with Alyssa, Kali and Alex after the scatter of drunk teenagers and self-described adults ended and we started walking back to Mike's. Alex and I were either very behind or very ahead in this walk because we ran into two black kids on their bikes who were a little vulgar in their compliments towards me, but being drunk I was nonetheless flattered. I lied and said Alex was my boyfriend and he agreed for the sake of the lie and started to walk away quickly, as a couple blocks before Alex had exchanged a twenty dollar bill for a pill of crushed up aspirin and was a little upset at the time.
When we got back to Mike's it was Emily, Alex, Alyssa, Kali, Garrett and of course Mike and myself. Everyone was pretty drunk and I was still making the illogical decision to keep taking shots as I made everyone grilled cheeses, since it's regrettably pretty much the only thing I can cook myself, even though everyone was very pleased. Steve finally stumbled into the doorway of Mike's apartment and the door was finally closed for the night. Steve had a green shirt on that was ripped down the middle and even if he sat with perfect posture and was not to open his mouth, you would have still been able to tell he had consumed an unspeakable amount of alcohol. Which was fine, because so had the rest of us and no one was keeping it a secret. When the night was finally coming to an end, Emily and Mike asleep in bed, Alex passed out on the ground face first in a book, and Kali and Garrett squirming around under the covers being cute, Steve and I talked out on the porch for a while, smoking the last cigarettes available to us, and that was very nice seeing as how I probably won't see him for a long while and even though he was wasted, I think it was the first time he ever opened up to me about anything at all. We had made our way from the porch to the roof for some reason when it started to rain and we went inside soon after climbing back over the railing. Steve passed out pretty quickly in a bed that I assume was Mike's room mate's, and I gave up hope and laid down on the floor next to Alex and stole one of his two pillows that Kali had gave him.
I woke up probably not more than two hours later to Mike offering me his bed with Emily, because he had to go to court that morning. I got up, half asleep (it had to have been one hundred and three degrees in that place which is the worst addition to waking up with a hang over the world may ever know) and got in bed, very tired, but Emily was awake and we began talking about the night just like anyone does when they wake up after a night of drunken adventures and soon enough Mike was back with nothing to show for it, on a count of the police had not turned their copy of his ticket over to the court system yet and he would have to reappear at a later date. Mike got in bed and we all were bull shitting about the past night's events for awhile until conversation slowly tapered off and we all fell back asleep for a couple more hours.
Around 12:00 we left Kalamazoo and as anyone would know, one night in a college town, full of countless parties and endless amounts of booze is enough for at least a couple weeks.
I'm sorry this is so long and obviously so pointless, but I'm very antsy right now and my mind keeps turning out more words to type, so I apologize for wasting anyone's time. I have more to write about, seeing as how it's Saturday and this is only Thursday's festivities, but I won't dish out more than anyone can swallow at once.
So, I guess I will tell you the reality of things; Thursday Alex picked me up from my house after work and we drove to his house and decided spur of the moment that we would make the drive to Kalamazoo for just the night so we could get out of here. Kali and Alyssa came also. It was a really long drive and at some point there was traffic and I was pretty antsy partly because I had taken speed but also because there wasn't much music for me to sing to. We finally got there at around 9:00, which was what I had anticipated anyway, so I guess I wasn't in much of a rush for anything besides to walk around or be in more of an open space. We went to Steve's and there were quite a few people there sitting on the porch talking. I said hello and gave a couple hugs (which always makes me feel a lot better, for some reason) and Steve and Alex got on skateboards and road to the nearest liquor shop. Alex and I split a fifth of tequila and Alyssa and Kali drank vodka, although contrary to popular belief, I drank most of the tequila and got drunk quickly which in turn made me more generous than usual.
We left Steve's and walked to Alex Pogo's house, but there were a lot of people there mingling and sitting on the porch, most drunk, so the volume of voices were speaking over each other making the volume unnecessarily loud. Alex had just gotten in trouble with the law a couple nights prior so he was a little hesitant and very paranoid, and of course without sober judgment I decided I needed to help, but in this case I had actually helped. I asked everyone to come inside, which I wouldn't normally do unless I was in one of my more outgoing moods, and everyone did as I asked (surprisingly), and some boy even commented on my success. But the house was a little cramped and Alex was still a little nervous, so Steve suggested a party elsewhere.
We all walked a couple blocks to the next party which was overwhelmingly full of people, from the house the the yard, I've honestly never seen anything like it, naive as it may sound. I stood in the corner of the backyard for a while, fully intending on spending the entire night there because I, for one, was not about to be in any more legal trouble. I looked around for flashing lights which was inevitable because if I didn't know any better, it would have seemed to me that we were at some kind of fucking rave. I was sitting on the hood of a car, chain smoking and by myself, to the right was a fence and to the left were two drunk college kids on the hood of a car ripping at each other's clothes and kissing (in my opinion their kissing was very sloppy and loose and didn't look very romantic). I was staring and really grossing myself out until Alex called my phone asking where I was, (because for some reason he always gets very worried that I'm in some kind of great deal of trouble if he can't find me) and I spotted him looking aimlessly for me in a crowd of what had to be at least seventy people in the back yard alone. Emily was with him and he had gotten a cup of beer from the keg for himself and one for us. Emily and I were sharing it. After the second time Alex had filled up our cup, Emily had gained the courage to go about it by herself (with me tailing behind, of course) and on our way, we spotted this blind boy, cane and all, by himself, trying to make his way to the bathroom in which he had no direction to. Emily and I assisted him to the bathroom and turned our heads while he pissed. He was visibly drunk and asking for more beer, but the keg was gone and Emily and I began to ask him an assortment of questions, which anyone would do if they were to see something as careless as that situation all together. Asking who he was with and where he lived, questions not to offend him but more to help. Questions we disguised as curiosity, but were actually questions of nervousness. No one would help and the cops ended up showing up. Being as nice as we could, we directed the kid to a spot he could sit before we dashed out the back door and started walking a purposeless walk to nowhere until we finally rested on the side of a house to smoke a cigarette.
We eventually met up with Alyssa, Kali and Alex after the scatter of drunk teenagers and self-described adults ended and we started walking back to Mike's. Alex and I were either very behind or very ahead in this walk because we ran into two black kids on their bikes who were a little vulgar in their compliments towards me, but being drunk I was nonetheless flattered. I lied and said Alex was my boyfriend and he agreed for the sake of the lie and started to walk away quickly, as a couple blocks before Alex had exchanged a twenty dollar bill for a pill of crushed up aspirin and was a little upset at the time.
When we got back to Mike's it was Emily, Alex, Alyssa, Kali, Garrett and of course Mike and myself. Everyone was pretty drunk and I was still making the illogical decision to keep taking shots as I made everyone grilled cheeses, since it's regrettably pretty much the only thing I can cook myself, even though everyone was very pleased. Steve finally stumbled into the doorway of Mike's apartment and the door was finally closed for the night. Steve had a green shirt on that was ripped down the middle and even if he sat with perfect posture and was not to open his mouth, you would have still been able to tell he had consumed an unspeakable amount of alcohol. Which was fine, because so had the rest of us and no one was keeping it a secret. When the night was finally coming to an end, Emily and Mike asleep in bed, Alex passed out on the ground face first in a book, and Kali and Garrett squirming around under the covers being cute, Steve and I talked out on the porch for a while, smoking the last cigarettes available to us, and that was very nice seeing as how I probably won't see him for a long while and even though he was wasted, I think it was the first time he ever opened up to me about anything at all. We had made our way from the porch to the roof for some reason when it started to rain and we went inside soon after climbing back over the railing. Steve passed out pretty quickly in a bed that I assume was Mike's room mate's, and I gave up hope and laid down on the floor next to Alex and stole one of his two pillows that Kali had gave him.
I woke up probably not more than two hours later to Mike offering me his bed with Emily, because he had to go to court that morning. I got up, half asleep (it had to have been one hundred and three degrees in that place which is the worst addition to waking up with a hang over the world may ever know) and got in bed, very tired, but Emily was awake and we began talking about the night just like anyone does when they wake up after a night of drunken adventures and soon enough Mike was back with nothing to show for it, on a count of the police had not turned their copy of his ticket over to the court system yet and he would have to reappear at a later date. Mike got in bed and we all were bull shitting about the past night's events for awhile until conversation slowly tapered off and we all fell back asleep for a couple more hours.
Around 12:00 we left Kalamazoo and as anyone would know, one night in a college town, full of countless parties and endless amounts of booze is enough for at least a couple weeks.
I'm sorry this is so long and obviously so pointless, but I'm very antsy right now and my mind keeps turning out more words to type, so I apologize for wasting anyone's time. I have more to write about, seeing as how it's Saturday and this is only Thursday's festivities, but I won't dish out more than anyone can swallow at once.