(no subject)
My full name is Anemarie Moore. I wasn't blessed with a middle name. I turned 16 in November. I count on my friends, sometimes, a little too much. I have below normal self-confidence levels, and have absolutely no idea how to communicate with the opposite sex. I get jealous of everything. I involve myself in music to the point where I don't know lyrics from life. I love to sing, however, my voice most resembles nails on a chalkboard. I love Sprite from a fountain and getting though a good book. I love making presents, but don't know how to use time wisely. I love the feeling of accomplishment, but I don't feel it often. I love the way little things can make me feel better, like the sound of Conor's voice, being waved to at a stop light, the morning after a 'long' night, and intense hugs. Little things can make me or break me, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I'd rather lose a toe than have too much anxiety, but I'm always totally stressed out. I'd love to be able to go to sleep every night at 8:00, I'd love to be asleep right now, in fact. There aren't enough hours in the day. If I could, I would ban 'Lord of the Flies' from all schools. No one should be put through such torture. I think there's only one person who can really break my heart by speaking. I hate when people make fun of me for using the computer too much, and then ask me for computer help. I wish I could add up to high standards. I wish Conor would have written me back. I love crying, and feeling really sad every once in awhile, I don't know if that's healthy, but it makes me feel more at peace, and even a bit more in touch with myself. I love walking and being outside, unfortunately I never am. I wish I was a lot skinnier, and cared more about my appearance. I wish I could get a stranger to ask me for my number, or think 'Wow, she looks interesting.' There have never been signs of this ever happening. I wish I had self control. I wish I had interesting, unique qualities or talents to show off. I'm not even double jointed. I wish I was smarter. I want to be able to produce powerful words. I want to travel. I want Dillon to be my friend again. I'm scared about college. I have no idea what I want now, or in the future. I want someone to care about me, mutually. I want to bungee jump. I want to feel completely free from all ties. I want to be able to describe how I feel in words and pictures, all the time, beautifully. I love feeling infinite. I have had a fucking splinter stuck in my foot since the beginning of summer. It hurts to put a sock on my left foot, and makes me want to cry when someone accidently steps on it. I miss the way I used to feel innocent, now I just try way too hard to act the part. I hate feeling inadiquite. Why does he still call me? Truthfully, most of my friends make me feel worthless. (Not with their words, more with their beautiful features.) I wish I was more honest. I make a lot of stupid mistakes. I hate the nervous feeling I get every time I talk on the phone, and every time I have to read in front of the class. I really do love Mr. Brown. Rachael McCutcheon was my best friend. No one is easier to talk to than Caitlin Stott. Jennifer Seefeld is the most creative person I will probably ever meet. Joni Mitchell was right when she sang, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."