A memorial.
I've been contemplating making this post for months now. I'm not asking anyone for anything through this post, not sympathy nor pity. This is something I need to do for myself and no one else. It'll be the only time I open myself up to this point, showing how vulnerable I can be, how much of a child I still am on the inside. If nothing more than understanding comes from it, then so be it. (And if you're completely oblivious to what I'm talking about, you can read about it here if you really want to.)
March 5, 1961 - October 8, 2007
2008 October 08
No matter how many times I try to sit here and write some eloquently worded passage, it all goes back to a jumble of disjointed thoughts running rampant across the page.
There is no turning back time now.
August 26, 2008, 6:16:27 PM
This day has come sooner than I could have hoped for. To even imagine that it's been a year already is too much. It still hurts to think about what happened, how everything came so soon -- too soon for someone so young.
Nothing feels the same anymore, I don't feel the same anymore. Losing you took something from me that I'm afraid I'll never be able to get back. I feel lost without you here and even though I tried to be strong on the outside, I crumbled on the inside.
Daddy, I miss you. I want to make you proud even though you aren't here to see me succeed or fail and to help put the pieces back together. You aren't here to joke around with, to smile, or to scold me when I do something wrong.
Nothing would make me happier than to see you smile one last time, to apologize for all the things I've done in the past. I cherish those moments and I remember everything - the good and the bad - that's happened in the last few years. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you but I can't change that now. I always loved you even if I acted otherwise and nothing will ever change that.
I could fill an ocean with the tears that I've shed this last year.
Daddy's little girl lost and forever alone without her protector, without him there to pick up the pieces and make things all the better.
You're always with me in my thoughts.
Daddy, I love you.
I wish I knew of a better way to express how I feel. To make it seem to make more sense, but words these days just seem so meaningless. And my emotions don't allow me room to think.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I am following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh , to love, to work, or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.
If my passing has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now, he set me free.
Unknown author.
I may or may not be back to fix this post the way I really want it. There's just no time right now.
March 5, 1961 - October 8, 2007
2008 October 08
No matter how many times I try to sit here and write some eloquently worded passage, it all goes back to a jumble of disjointed thoughts running rampant across the page.
There is no turning back time now.
August 26, 2008, 6:16:27 PM
This day has come sooner than I could have hoped for. To even imagine that it's been a year already is too much. It still hurts to think about what happened, how everything came so soon -- too soon for someone so young.
Nothing feels the same anymore, I don't feel the same anymore. Losing you took something from me that I'm afraid I'll never be able to get back. I feel lost without you here and even though I tried to be strong on the outside, I crumbled on the inside.
Daddy, I miss you. I want to make you proud even though you aren't here to see me succeed or fail and to help put the pieces back together. You aren't here to joke around with, to smile, or to scold me when I do something wrong.
Nothing would make me happier than to see you smile one last time, to apologize for all the things I've done in the past. I cherish those moments and I remember everything - the good and the bad - that's happened in the last few years. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you but I can't change that now. I always loved you even if I acted otherwise and nothing will ever change that.
I could fill an ocean with the tears that I've shed this last year.
Daddy's little girl lost and forever alone without her protector, without him there to pick up the pieces and make things all the better.
You're always with me in my thoughts.
Daddy, I love you.
I wish I knew of a better way to express how I feel. To make it seem to make more sense, but words these days just seem so meaningless. And my emotions don't allow me room to think.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I am following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh , to love, to work, or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.
If my passing has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now, he set me free.
Unknown author.
I may or may not be back to fix this post the way I really want it. There's just no time right now.