(no subject)
Ahh, I have a few minutes while I wait for a thousand pictures to upload, and the other computer is rebuilding files for an album.
Today I felt pretty crappy, physically and mentally. I feel like I have been waiting for years for things to get easier, and not be stressed. I guess I really just need to learn to accept it. I now have two weeks to get all of my album orders in for the yearly Christmas extravaganza. I had two weddings last week, and two more this coming weekend. Two wedding weekends are getting tougher and tougher. My back really feels it by the end of the first wedding. I just feel sore. It looks like I won't have a day off for a few weeks, so this is not going to get much better. I really have to decide if I am going to keep doing this. I have had a lot of inquiries in the past few weeks, and a good number of people want to meet with me. I have been seeing clients at different Starbucks throughout the area so they don't have to come here. It has been nice not having to stress as much over having the front of the house clean for appointments, but now I feel like I am running all over the place. I am constantly interrupted from the office work I need to do because of these meetings, and lessons etc. Do I keep accepting new jobs for next year? I am now talking to people and booking for weddings in 2008! I am now commited to doing this until July of 2008 at least. It is just too easy to collect that $1250 deposit from people. It is so needed. I guess it is time to jack my prices up another $1000 or so, and see what happens. I fear then, not having any income. I am a bit worried about my health. I am not sure if I am just making things up in my head because we don't have insurance currently, but my chest has been hurting, and there is some kind of mass just under my ribcage that I had never noticed before. It has started feeling quite uncomfortable, but it could all be in my head, right. All of this is making me really testy. Is testy a good word for this. Tonight DD and I were talking to Eli about school, and he was saying how he sees no reason to take classes like social studies, and History, or even art history. He says he knows what he wants to do, and he needs none of this. I tried to tell him that all of the best movie directors and writers take from literary history and film, as well as actual history. It never hurts to learn as much as you can. I tried to explain that the more educated he is, the more he can use it in the futere, and He shouldn't pass up learning all he can right now. He proceeded to call me a closed minded asshole, and stormed off because I was telling him to conform or something. I just lost it, and wanted to flip the table, and throw the bench across the room. I restrained myself and just shoved the bench a bit and grumbled loudly. I feel like everywhere I turn is another little challenge. Then, while talking on the phone a little later, trying to make plans for a shoot, DD starts telling me no, I can't do it. She didn't even know what day I was talking about, or who I was talking to, that rage just built up again. I had to yell while still on the phone, or at least I felt like I had to. Now DD once again is not talking to me, and the person on the phone thinks I am a freak. ugghhhh. Whine whine whine.....Sorry. I really don't know why I am even typing this. I guess I am hoping that a few months from now I can look back on this and say, man, I am glad I am not there any more. I really have to get off of this. I feel like I just want someone to say "it will all be alright" or something to that effect, but all anyone can say is, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. Even Dr. Armstrong just says, that's really tough, hmmmm.
Today I felt pretty crappy, physically and mentally. I feel like I have been waiting for years for things to get easier, and not be stressed. I guess I really just need to learn to accept it. I now have two weeks to get all of my album orders in for the yearly Christmas extravaganza. I had two weddings last week, and two more this coming weekend. Two wedding weekends are getting tougher and tougher. My back really feels it by the end of the first wedding. I just feel sore. It looks like I won't have a day off for a few weeks, so this is not going to get much better. I really have to decide if I am going to keep doing this. I have had a lot of inquiries in the past few weeks, and a good number of people want to meet with me. I have been seeing clients at different Starbucks throughout the area so they don't have to come here. It has been nice not having to stress as much over having the front of the house clean for appointments, but now I feel like I am running all over the place. I am constantly interrupted from the office work I need to do because of these meetings, and lessons etc. Do I keep accepting new jobs for next year? I am now talking to people and booking for weddings in 2008! I am now commited to doing this until July of 2008 at least. It is just too easy to collect that $1250 deposit from people. It is so needed. I guess it is time to jack my prices up another $1000 or so, and see what happens. I fear then, not having any income. I am a bit worried about my health. I am not sure if I am just making things up in my head because we don't have insurance currently, but my chest has been hurting, and there is some kind of mass just under my ribcage that I had never noticed before. It has started feeling quite uncomfortable, but it could all be in my head, right. All of this is making me really testy. Is testy a good word for this. Tonight DD and I were talking to Eli about school, and he was saying how he sees no reason to take classes like social studies, and History, or even art history. He says he knows what he wants to do, and he needs none of this. I tried to tell him that all of the best movie directors and writers take from literary history and film, as well as actual history. It never hurts to learn as much as you can. I tried to explain that the more educated he is, the more he can use it in the futere, and He shouldn't pass up learning all he can right now. He proceeded to call me a closed minded asshole, and stormed off because I was telling him to conform or something. I just lost it, and wanted to flip the table, and throw the bench across the room. I restrained myself and just shoved the bench a bit and grumbled loudly. I feel like everywhere I turn is another little challenge. Then, while talking on the phone a little later, trying to make plans for a shoot, DD starts telling me no, I can't do it. She didn't even know what day I was talking about, or who I was talking to, that rage just built up again. I had to yell while still on the phone, or at least I felt like I had to. Now DD once again is not talking to me, and the person on the phone thinks I am a freak. ugghhhh. Whine whine whine.....Sorry. I really don't know why I am even typing this. I guess I am hoping that a few months from now I can look back on this and say, man, I am glad I am not there any more. I really have to get off of this. I feel like I just want someone to say "it will all be alright" or something to that effect, but all anyone can say is, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. Even Dr. Armstrong just says, that's really tough, hmmmm.