(no subject)
There is so much wrong with this world. I know it does not take a genius to figure that out, but I notice myself sitting through my contemporary social problems class with intense feelings of anger, disgust, and helplessness. Before long, I usually tune out my professor and begin to re-evaluate and search for answers to the unknown. Modern society makes me so angry. I know that bitching about it serves absolutely no purpose other than mental catharsis, so that is why I am seeking higher education. I plan to invest the next 8 years of my life in school so that by the time I am finished, my brain will be swelling with knowledge and I will be able to contribute to society and hopefully make changes, no matter how small. I want to conduct research. I want to change the lives of blooming children and adolescents. I want them to see the light. I want everyone to understand that it is never too late. I thirst for a better tomorrow. I wish everyone shared such a passion and desire.
I am aware that I tend to come off as a pessimist, which may or may not be true; however, I have not faltered or given up, have I? I have ceased to take life for granted and begun to examine everything for what it is worth and be thankful. To be honest, I am more self-driven than the majority of the people I know. I have big, yet attainable, goals for the future and they will be pushed aside for no one or thing. I believe that if I work hard enough, life has the potential to be different for me, and other people, one day. That is all of the motivation I need to push me forward.
I am sick of feeling so distraught over a boy, or perhaps boys plural. I wish I could be stronger in the sense of not letting them affect my emotions. It is pathetic and weak to be my own sentient being, yet have my emotions swayed by someone who may or may not even legitimately care for my wellbeing. My brain is stronger than my heart. I know when I should or should not pursue someone, but feelings get in the way. I have never asked for much. Deep down, I really just want someone to give a fuck. I want someone to worry of my whereabouts if they do not hear from me for a while or if I fail to respond to a text message. How silly of me.
Lately, I have been feeling extremely anxious. I never considered myself to have anxiety but I have taken notice to the fact that even when I am sitting around my dorm, I have had an accelerated heart rate and my stomach feel like it is in knots. Then, when I try to figure out why I feel this way, I come to no conclusions. Even now as I type this, I can feel my heart beating in my chest. Goddamn, I need to see a doctor.
I am aware that I tend to come off as a pessimist, which may or may not be true; however, I have not faltered or given up, have I? I have ceased to take life for granted and begun to examine everything for what it is worth and be thankful. To be honest, I am more self-driven than the majority of the people I know. I have big, yet attainable, goals for the future and they will be pushed aside for no one or thing. I believe that if I work hard enough, life has the potential to be different for me, and other people, one day. That is all of the motivation I need to push me forward.
I am sick of feeling so distraught over a boy, or perhaps boys plural. I wish I could be stronger in the sense of not letting them affect my emotions. It is pathetic and weak to be my own sentient being, yet have my emotions swayed by someone who may or may not even legitimately care for my wellbeing. My brain is stronger than my heart. I know when I should or should not pursue someone, but feelings get in the way. I have never asked for much. Deep down, I really just want someone to give a fuck. I want someone to worry of my whereabouts if they do not hear from me for a while or if I fail to respond to a text message. How silly of me.
Lately, I have been feeling extremely anxious. I never considered myself to have anxiety but I have taken notice to the fact that even when I am sitting around my dorm, I have had an accelerated heart rate and my stomach feel like it is in knots. Then, when I try to figure out why I feel this way, I come to no conclusions. Even now as I type this, I can feel my heart beating in my chest. Goddamn, I need to see a doctor.