Blah update
Hey everybody!!!
So, just a quick one today (yea, I know...)
Got my new (replacement) monitor in today. Its the exact same model as the one I had before but the old one had had some dead pixel issues that were starting to get worse at an exponential rate. So, the new one is a little darker than my old one was, I'll be fiddling with the Brigthness and Contrast things until I get it right.
I start work at the Beer Garden sometime later this week or early next week hopefully. I can't wait to start working, I'm antsy as shit here in Chicago. Its the calm before the storm i guess.
Also, I've been putting a little time (half an hour here, 45 minutes there) into my Legal job. I don't have a lot of responsibility with that one, so its sort of "back burner" until I get into a groove. Honestly I'm not sure about Law School anymore. My grades suck, my GPA is in the tank, hopefully next year will be better. At this point I just want to survive, I don't care about doing well.
I've been spending a lot of my time skating. Rollerblading too and from the bar is something I did 5 days a week last summer, and often 6 days a week (just for the hell of it). I'm doing it now to condition my body to the skate. It isn't anything I'd call hard. Running a mile is probably more arduous, its just the fact that I have a time constraint, and need to deal with things like 95+ degree weather, super strong Canadian winds off the waterfront, sand (grrrrr), and people in my way, as well as the fact that I'm usually carrying another 10-15 pounds of shit on my person on the way to work (shoes, work shirt, helmut that i'm not often wearing, a book or two, iPod, towel, water bottle, sometimes a hoody if the news says it'll be cold or if its windy, etc etc.). So, I've been conditioning myself to do this trip in as close to 45 minutes as possible, that requires me to maintain a pretty steady clip without over exerting myself with the heat and everything sure to come.
By the end of the summer last year I could do the trip in 35 minutes, stopping only once for water at the 2 mile mark, usually while not wearing a shirt and with my helmet unbuckled. I got down to a low point of 193 last year, it was awesome, and I think I looked good, especially after my italian skin started to soak up the sun and tan a little. I wasn't buff by any stretch of the imagination, but I was approaching thin (at that point I'd have been looking at something like 15-18% body fat, which is pretty good). Fingers crossed that I get to that shape again before long.
[DISCLAIMER]
**STEPH SECTION, STOP READING IF YOU DON'T LIKE MUSHY STUFF**
Steph is in Florida with her family. She and I are...going. We're not activly working to fix the relationship anymore, its a more passive thing. We've acknowledged that there is an attraction there, and that the history is positive in some ways and negative in others. We're taking this time apart to evaluate things and largely to see where things develop on thier own. Dad says not to push, but to gently guide things in one direction, letting them dictate thier own pace and flow. My dad is a smart guy.
In the month following the break up Steph and I worked hard to activly fix things and get back together asap. It was working, we were comfortable with each other again, and the pain was gone or at least less active. But at the same time we were only fixing surface issues. The break up didn't happen because I had a hard time expressing my emotions, it happened for a number of reasons, all fixable according to Steph, but requiring time to work out. Trust issues - will I turn into a neglectful workaholic again? with only 13 hours of class next semester, I doubt it, but all the reassuring words in the world won't make it true for her until she sees for herself.
We both came to the conclusion, independantly of each other, that a more substantial break was required before we could be together. A "healing period" to use her words. I couldn't agree more. I'm an optimist, and tend to think that this healing period won't be all that long. She's a pessemist, and seems to think it'll take a bit of time. I'm sure the real answer is somewhere in the middle. Not in Mid-June, probably not even in Early-July. But, I wouldn't be surprised if August or September presented some opportunities.
I am willing to work hard at this and make things better, but at this point there is nothing more to do activly except worry about myself. I need to make sure MY head is in the right place so that when I come back to Dayton I can be the kind of person Steph (or some theoretical other girl) would be interested in being with, rather than the admittedly emotionally fragile person I am now. I'm a million times better than I've been, going to Chicago was DEFINITLY the right thing to do for me/us, but I'm still not what I was. And I want that back, as much for me, as for her.
**STEPH SECTION OVER**
[/disclaimer]
Well guys, until I start working I don't have a whole lot else,
I'll be in touch, I miss all of my Dayton buddies (one in particular ;) ) and I'll be back soon!
Until then,
Joe