(no subject)
I hate change, I really hate it. I hate all sorts of reflecting upon the past. Good and bad. I use to think good memories where a solid thing to have. But now, I do not think so at all. It just makes me miss and long for more. I hate subtext. I hate nonchalant atmospheres because I can't operate well when others act the same as I do, I have nothing to go on. I hate that you can't win for losing. I hate distrust. I that the possibility that this is a cycle I'm encountering and I was right. Trust me, I hate being right when it comes to you. You, I speak about you like you are a huge part of my life. Lets face it. I am entertainment, your play on words. I am here for amusement and if I wish to disappear, exit stage left, you will applaud and move on. Next act, refilter. Buy another ticket to another cheap play where you never watch but stare at the backdrop. It isn't black, it's a deep velvet red. That leather couch holds a lot of hurt. You spray it down to kill the lingering memory of all your fuck ups. I'm not a fuck up. I'm not your fuck up. I don't amount to something big enough to be a fuck up to you. I am your withering ghost, your cry for help. I am your remorse and your debt. I am your duty to betray and your safe haven for endless nights and exhausting days. I am your poetry you quote endlessly to a million fans for eager praise. I am your reciting lines of one of a kind love affairs and romance. I am your background shot. Ironically I will remain in your life, behind a curtain or a prop. But never the less, I'm always going to be here. Sometimes I think I'm better suitable as a door mat. But who is to blame. You're the act, the gig, the spot light kid. Your fancy make gets you far. I admire you, having to memorize all those lines. I idolize how well you improvise. You're a trip and a half and I'll take your route every time.