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looking back through four years of photographs, what was once murky is crystal clear. in retrospect, its so obvious who matters, who changed you, who loved you, and who always stuck around;
mary our friendship has been so unconventional. we've managed to be best friends, worst enemies, both at the same time. even now, i know i am guilty of looking back and sayiing "has she really been that great of a friend to me?" its so easy to only remember the fights we had, and the months we hardly knew eachother. we stopped talking, and then both got boyfriends and it looked like the end. sometimes i forget how she showed up when it mattered, because the fall of junior year is a part of my life i like to grey out. but looking back at photos of us at unh practicing for senior pictures, and being ridiculous it doesn't seem so bad. remembering sitting in my car during rainy soccer practices with meghan mary and anna singing as loud as we can to hanson or the spicegirls, i remmber that my life didn't almost end, it couldn't have. even when it seemed like brandon was the only person i really had in my life and he left, it wasn't like that at all. mary drove around with me searching for brandon and didn't think i was crazy. she understood why i called brandon 8000 times a day, even if it only made things worse between us. she hated all the girls i did with almost as much vigor and passion. and even when we havent hung out or talked for weeks, it seems like we never missed a beat. i hope with all of my heart it will always be like that between us. mary
alaina its easy to forget how much she changed and meant to me because she's not anywhere near as big a part of my life as she used to be. she shows up everywhere; my favorites are the photos from the summer before sophomore year, when we were convinced mary didn't want to be friends with us anymore and that we would only have eachother. haha, i remember when i dreaded going to school if i knew alaina wouldn't be there, i just didn't understand how i would make it through gym class, or history. the hundreds of inside jokes we had and how lame they were. its so easy to write our friendship off as "not that important," considering it was so quickly thrown away. but, alaina and mary ARE highschool for me. forever, when i think back to highschool i'll picture us laying on marys bedroom floor watching tv, or walking around my neighborhood back when we couldn't drive. why? that stuff didn't even last through half of highschool. and even when we were all bestfriends, we were always fighting. maybe because i know if i ever really needed alaina again part of me feels like she'd still be there. because the three of us gew up a lot when we grew apart, and only now is it obvious that i wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for them. its the last time i remember knowig exactly who my friends were. exactly who i would spend my weekends with, and knew that none of us would ever have other plans. the last time i felt that necessary attachment to my friends that we al eventually grow out of. i can go through the school day without them now, and when i come home from seeing brandon or the power goes out, i don't pick up the phone and call them. but i still know their numbers by heart, and that is a constant reminder of how they were there when i did.alaina
anna afterschool today anna and i had brunch at harveys. on the way home she admitted to getting as excited as i do when kelly clarkson comes on the radio. haha, i immediatly thought of how intensely she karaoked at our sleepovers. we talked about the day two years ago when we both showed up at the dmv on the same day to get our liscenses, only for whatever reason we weren't friends anymore, so it was awakward. the fight; i don't remmeber. wishing to death that it would just go away and we could be friends again; i do. if someone asked me to give them the definition of an amazing friend, i'd just send them anna bigley in a box. see also; true friend, sincere friend. i don't even think she realizes how amazing she is either, riding around her living room on a pony playing the best don quixote thats ever been played, or dreaming up a huge scavanger hunt at walmart. this girl is going to do big things, and i can absolutly not wait to go watch her play for ulowell. everyone who meets her is lucky, her beauty is contagious.anna
kelly i remmeber when i realized i liked kelly a lot. sophomore year, when mary and alaina wanted to kick me out of our locker, kelly didn't take sides or getin the middle of it, or act twelve years old with us. she just said i could stay. and told me if i ever needed to talk to anyone i could talk to her. we weren't even that close then either. and she made history fun, even though it was intensely awkward since me alaina and matt all sat right near eachother. and, for always, i'll remember standing the parking lot of the highschool after everyone else had left with one green balloon, and knowing that someone else loved the same thing i did as completely and passionatly, and that meant that it would live on. there's always people, who even when you are friends with them, you don't really feel like a part of their life. they still have other friends, and their day to day life. but kelly, she has just always made me feel like i belong to her. i love her to death, and no team or group i will ever be a part of will feel whole without her. i think she might be soul. kelly=soul, literally. not mine, or anyones. just soul.kelly
meghan is so fucking cute posing like a cheerleader in about 8 gazillion pictures from freshmen year. she's one of the least fake people i know, and she's the best person to make fun of people with. its pretty much impossible to hate meghan, but one time i did and we got in a huge fight and i still to this day feel really sad about it. it was allso silly. but its our past? and thats amazing. because come to think of it, outside of this list of people theres not that many people that i've stayed friends with through highschool, which is only four short years. maybe i'm just not used to havig "pasts" with people and thats why it seems so.. uncanny. but i love meghan now, and i know i always will. and when i remember sitting together during studyhall freshmen year and listening to her talk about all her crushes while i wrote her world cultures homework for her so it woudln't take the whole period... i love her even more. i know she's going to have an amazing time in virginia, but i'm starting to realize that i don''t even realize that my life's going to have an empty space without her face everyday.
in light of the fact that every day i walk by old crushes and ex friends without a passing thought or sideways glance, i love these girls even more. because it is so weird that someone who used to be a close friend... i'll see them 30 more times, and then they'll probably slip out of my life forever. they'll always be just a phone callaway i know, but they're inches away sometimes and so much is between us. meghan
fhjdhfkhskjhdfs. i can't get over how much happens when we're not looking, and how impossible it is to ever go back.
mary our friendship has been so unconventional. we've managed to be best friends, worst enemies, both at the same time. even now, i know i am guilty of looking back and sayiing "has she really been that great of a friend to me?" its so easy to only remember the fights we had, and the months we hardly knew eachother. we stopped talking, and then both got boyfriends and it looked like the end. sometimes i forget how she showed up when it mattered, because the fall of junior year is a part of my life i like to grey out. but looking back at photos of us at unh practicing for senior pictures, and being ridiculous it doesn't seem so bad. remembering sitting in my car during rainy soccer practices with meghan mary and anna singing as loud as we can to hanson or the spicegirls, i remmber that my life didn't almost end, it couldn't have. even when it seemed like brandon was the only person i really had in my life and he left, it wasn't like that at all. mary drove around with me searching for brandon and didn't think i was crazy. she understood why i called brandon 8000 times a day, even if it only made things worse between us. she hated all the girls i did with almost as much vigor and passion. and even when we havent hung out or talked for weeks, it seems like we never missed a beat. i hope with all of my heart it will always be like that between us. mary
alaina its easy to forget how much she changed and meant to me because she's not anywhere near as big a part of my life as she used to be. she shows up everywhere; my favorites are the photos from the summer before sophomore year, when we were convinced mary didn't want to be friends with us anymore and that we would only have eachother. haha, i remember when i dreaded going to school if i knew alaina wouldn't be there, i just didn't understand how i would make it through gym class, or history. the hundreds of inside jokes we had and how lame they were. its so easy to write our friendship off as "not that important," considering it was so quickly thrown away. but, alaina and mary ARE highschool for me. forever, when i think back to highschool i'll picture us laying on marys bedroom floor watching tv, or walking around my neighborhood back when we couldn't drive. why? that stuff didn't even last through half of highschool. and even when we were all bestfriends, we were always fighting. maybe because i know if i ever really needed alaina again part of me feels like she'd still be there. because the three of us gew up a lot when we grew apart, and only now is it obvious that i wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for them. its the last time i remember knowig exactly who my friends were. exactly who i would spend my weekends with, and knew that none of us would ever have other plans. the last time i felt that necessary attachment to my friends that we al eventually grow out of. i can go through the school day without them now, and when i come home from seeing brandon or the power goes out, i don't pick up the phone and call them. but i still know their numbers by heart, and that is a constant reminder of how they were there when i did.alaina
anna afterschool today anna and i had brunch at harveys. on the way home she admitted to getting as excited as i do when kelly clarkson comes on the radio. haha, i immediatly thought of how intensely she karaoked at our sleepovers. we talked about the day two years ago when we both showed up at the dmv on the same day to get our liscenses, only for whatever reason we weren't friends anymore, so it was awakward. the fight; i don't remmeber. wishing to death that it would just go away and we could be friends again; i do. if someone asked me to give them the definition of an amazing friend, i'd just send them anna bigley in a box. see also; true friend, sincere friend. i don't even think she realizes how amazing she is either, riding around her living room on a pony playing the best don quixote thats ever been played, or dreaming up a huge scavanger hunt at walmart. this girl is going to do big things, and i can absolutly not wait to go watch her play for ulowell. everyone who meets her is lucky, her beauty is contagious.anna
kelly i remmeber when i realized i liked kelly a lot. sophomore year, when mary and alaina wanted to kick me out of our locker, kelly didn't take sides or getin the middle of it, or act twelve years old with us. she just said i could stay. and told me if i ever needed to talk to anyone i could talk to her. we weren't even that close then either. and she made history fun, even though it was intensely awkward since me alaina and matt all sat right near eachother. and, for always, i'll remember standing the parking lot of the highschool after everyone else had left with one green balloon, and knowing that someone else loved the same thing i did as completely and passionatly, and that meant that it would live on. there's always people, who even when you are friends with them, you don't really feel like a part of their life. they still have other friends, and their day to day life. but kelly, she has just always made me feel like i belong to her. i love her to death, and no team or group i will ever be a part of will feel whole without her. i think she might be soul. kelly=soul, literally. not mine, or anyones. just soul.kelly
meghan is so fucking cute posing like a cheerleader in about 8 gazillion pictures from freshmen year. she's one of the least fake people i know, and she's the best person to make fun of people with. its pretty much impossible to hate meghan, but one time i did and we got in a huge fight and i still to this day feel really sad about it. it was allso silly. but its our past? and thats amazing. because come to think of it, outside of this list of people theres not that many people that i've stayed friends with through highschool, which is only four short years. maybe i'm just not used to havig "pasts" with people and thats why it seems so.. uncanny. but i love meghan now, and i know i always will. and when i remember sitting together during studyhall freshmen year and listening to her talk about all her crushes while i wrote her world cultures homework for her so it woudln't take the whole period... i love her even more. i know she's going to have an amazing time in virginia, but i'm starting to realize that i don''t even realize that my life's going to have an empty space without her face everyday.
in light of the fact that every day i walk by old crushes and ex friends without a passing thought or sideways glance, i love these girls even more. because it is so weird that someone who used to be a close friend... i'll see them 30 more times, and then they'll probably slip out of my life forever. they'll always be just a phone callaway i know, but they're inches away sometimes and so much is between us. meghan
fhjdhfkhskjhdfs. i can't get over how much happens when we're not looking, and how impossible it is to ever go back.