(Cross-posted to borderline forum)
I have observed lately that many members of this community share something in common with me. We reach out when we are in pain, trouble or danger. When we are depressed and feeling lonely, we write something- even if it's just 3 lines. I know in life I'll call a friend who knows when I think I may need to not be left alone - I've seen posts on here from people who need someone to chat to late at night when they are struggling.
Is this way of dealing with things fairly usual for BPDs specifically, and unlike people who suffer from depressive episodes of other sorts?
I ask this because I've begun to foray into dating again, and this guy I'd dated a few times backed out of our 4rth date with 2 hours to spare because he was feeling "too depressed". He was angry with me for IMing him hours later and asking if he needed anything or was alright. The next day, I tried to call him so I could let him go easy, but after a day of being ignored, I finally just left a voice mail. I was met another day later with an angry e-mail which really didn't seem to make alot of sense, but did say that I just didn't understand when he got "quiet" and needed "space" because he "wasn't feeling well".
Is it specific to me that I just can't understand this cave trolling behavior? Am I intolerant and mean because I don't want to deal with someone who hides when they aren't feeling fantastic? I mean, if I hid every time I felt like crap, I'd never leave my house.
This brings me to my next major point. Dating and being BPD. When I first started dealing with the diagnosis, I basically came to the conclusion that I'm some kind of an abusive, hideous beast and can never ever date again. Then I began to think that I deserve love like anyone else, especially now that I'm on Seroquel. I'm high functioning and doing really well, ect. But is it immoral to date when you're a BPD? Can anyone really ever want to be with you once they find out about the disorder? Is it immoral to decide not to say anything? Can I ever really be loved, once the truth is known? seeing how many of my relationships ended because of BPD, I'm not sure I think so.
Finally, another question. High functioning BPDs. Does it ever get to the point you don't have to think about it much? I don't have episodes very often anymore, and they are fairly mild when I do, but not all that long ago, I was a mess. I live in fear that another major episode will come and I won't be prepared for it. I still fear for my life in some way. Is that... well, does anyone else have to live like that?
Thanks for listening. :)
Is this way of dealing with things fairly usual for BPDs specifically, and unlike people who suffer from depressive episodes of other sorts?
I ask this because I've begun to foray into dating again, and this guy I'd dated a few times backed out of our 4rth date with 2 hours to spare because he was feeling "too depressed". He was angry with me for IMing him hours later and asking if he needed anything or was alright. The next day, I tried to call him so I could let him go easy, but after a day of being ignored, I finally just left a voice mail. I was met another day later with an angry e-mail which really didn't seem to make alot of sense, but did say that I just didn't understand when he got "quiet" and needed "space" because he "wasn't feeling well".
Is it specific to me that I just can't understand this cave trolling behavior? Am I intolerant and mean because I don't want to deal with someone who hides when they aren't feeling fantastic? I mean, if I hid every time I felt like crap, I'd never leave my house.
This brings me to my next major point. Dating and being BPD. When I first started dealing with the diagnosis, I basically came to the conclusion that I'm some kind of an abusive, hideous beast and can never ever date again. Then I began to think that I deserve love like anyone else, especially now that I'm on Seroquel. I'm high functioning and doing really well, ect. But is it immoral to date when you're a BPD? Can anyone really ever want to be with you once they find out about the disorder? Is it immoral to decide not to say anything? Can I ever really be loved, once the truth is known? seeing how many of my relationships ended because of BPD, I'm not sure I think so.
Finally, another question. High functioning BPDs. Does it ever get to the point you don't have to think about it much? I don't have episodes very often anymore, and they are fairly mild when I do, but not all that long ago, I was a mess. I live in fear that another major episode will come and I won't be prepared for it. I still fear for my life in some way. Is that... well, does anyone else have to live like that?
Thanks for listening. :)