A Voice in the Wilderness Pt. I
I realized earlier tonight that I've given up on a lot of things in my life. By the time I was 10 I had given up on soccer and baseball, perhaps the two defining organized recreational activities of our generation. Guitar is my fourth instrument, and is floundering in the ocean of my self conscious inability to let any of my skills impress me when compared to that of ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING EVER. I do not and never have pursued girls. I'm not Michael 'Squints' Palledorous and my Wendy Peffercorn is either going to fall into my lap or sit in her Lifeguard chair forever. I could name a dozen people who are completely non-existent in my life now, whom with a little effort in the problem resolution department on my part at the time of their respective exits would probably be the lifelong friends I now have none of. I can't even wake up for a fucking 10AM class three days a week because I don't feel like putting forth the effort for school on those particular days.
I don't in my head, but you could divide my life into periods of time between the things I've given up on. What an interesting little eye-opener.
However, I am proud of the few things in my life I have chosen to fight for. There are a few people who, though not the people I played hide & seek and roller hockey with during the countless twilight hours of those amazing summers that made the Wonder Years look like a shitty Hallmark card, are pretty OK in my book. There's really only one other thing I've ever fought for. It would make a better story if I could say it was the love of some wayward family member or ending world hunger or something like that, but it's not quite so Lifetime Original Movie and it is considerably more personal. It is my own optimism.
I've always said I feel like a shmuck talking about the problems in my life (though I did a pretty good job of it here without much in the way of funny Jewish-sounding feelings...) because mine are so few and in comparison to some of the doozies I've heard, insignificant. I'm sure that makes it easy for me to say this, but I don't let shit get me down. Maybe it's just my years of practice at saying "Aw fuck it." (see: paragraph one) but I'm pretty good at saying "Aw, fuck it." I refuse to become emo and sulk about things. When life gets me down, I write it all down somewhere or just think it over a whole bunch in my head. That lets me step back, take a deep breath, and recite to myself the greatest quote of all time: "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad!"
Anyone reading this will not be affected in the same way that I am when I read that sentence. For me, it has five years of my favorite story behind it, shaping it and giving it a meaning in the truest sense of the word. It is the definitive sentence for a character who's life was plagued by the need for just such a motto. I cried when the series he was a part of ended. Right in front of my brother. That was five years ago. I truly believe that quote is the reason I keep such a positive outlook on life. Like I said, no one will feel the same things I do when they read it. For me, it has meaning, substance, and history. For them, it's words on a screen, which is really too bad. Those eight words could save the world a lot of unnecessary angst.
I don't in my head, but you could divide my life into periods of time between the things I've given up on. What an interesting little eye-opener.
However, I am proud of the few things in my life I have chosen to fight for. There are a few people who, though not the people I played hide & seek and roller hockey with during the countless twilight hours of those amazing summers that made the Wonder Years look like a shitty Hallmark card, are pretty OK in my book. There's really only one other thing I've ever fought for. It would make a better story if I could say it was the love of some wayward family member or ending world hunger or something like that, but it's not quite so Lifetime Original Movie and it is considerably more personal. It is my own optimism.
I've always said I feel like a shmuck talking about the problems in my life (though I did a pretty good job of it here without much in the way of funny Jewish-sounding feelings...) because mine are so few and in comparison to some of the doozies I've heard, insignificant. I'm sure that makes it easy for me to say this, but I don't let shit get me down. Maybe it's just my years of practice at saying "Aw fuck it." (see: paragraph one) but I'm pretty good at saying "Aw, fuck it." I refuse to become emo and sulk about things. When life gets me down, I write it all down somewhere or just think it over a whole bunch in my head. That lets me step back, take a deep breath, and recite to myself the greatest quote of all time: "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad!"
Anyone reading this will not be affected in the same way that I am when I read that sentence. For me, it has five years of my favorite story behind it, shaping it and giving it a meaning in the truest sense of the word. It is the definitive sentence for a character who's life was plagued by the need for just such a motto. I cried when the series he was a part of ended. Right in front of my brother. That was five years ago. I truly believe that quote is the reason I keep such a positive outlook on life. Like I said, no one will feel the same things I do when they read it. For me, it has meaning, substance, and history. For them, it's words on a screen, which is really too bad. Those eight words could save the world a lot of unnecessary angst.