Dear Best Friend
Dear G,
You are my best guy friend. One of my very best friends, ever. I love you. You are loyal, and true, and dependable, and selfless nearly always (you don't believe this to be true, but you know what? In the same way that you know me better than I thought you did, I too know you better than you think I do! You are a good man, dear one. A wonderful and beautiful man). You are wise and careful...only careless when drinking (aren't we all). You have a strong heart and mind. You can see what most do not. You don't wish to be a burden, but accept the burdens of all upon your shoulders. You don't open up easily, although when you do, it makes me smile, because.. I get to know another piece of you. Another piece of the puzzle fits.
I wonder where we'll be in 5, 10 years down the road. Finished with school. Settled into homes and maybe starting families of our own. But I worry... I worry because we are going away from each other and you might find someone that is not me. Someone to hold and to love and to be with always. I'm sorry. I am selfish, because I want you for my own. But I love you enough to want your happiness more. I won't stand in your way, and I won't hold you back. I won't tell you how I feel because it might make you feel obligated to try something with me, because that's the kind of man you are. We had sex and you might feel an obligation to me. You give yourself, and are afraid to take. Afraid to be selfish, but you're not. Sex is not selfish. It can be... but it isn't with us. Maybe you know that.
Maybe this doesn't even make sense. I am, after all, tipsy.
But really, G, you have my heart.
You had it then, and you have it still.
I hope we find our way back to each other someday, maybe a year from now. I hope we can be what the other one needs. And I hope... I hope you can find it in you to let go, to realize that being a better man does not mean never being selfish. That you have the right to want more for yourself, and not settle. Please do not settle, G. Please be aware of your own worth.
I hope I can find my way into your arms once more, one day. I want your hands on me, your lips, I want all of you. I want the good and the bad.
You are my best guy friend. One of my very best friends, ever. I love you. You are loyal, and true, and dependable, and selfless nearly always (you don't believe this to be true, but you know what? In the same way that you know me better than I thought you did, I too know you better than you think I do! You are a good man, dear one. A wonderful and beautiful man). You are wise and careful...only careless when drinking (aren't we all). You have a strong heart and mind. You can see what most do not. You don't wish to be a burden, but accept the burdens of all upon your shoulders. You don't open up easily, although when you do, it makes me smile, because.. I get to know another piece of you. Another piece of the puzzle fits.
I wonder where we'll be in 5, 10 years down the road. Finished with school. Settled into homes and maybe starting families of our own. But I worry... I worry because we are going away from each other and you might find someone that is not me. Someone to hold and to love and to be with always. I'm sorry. I am selfish, because I want you for my own. But I love you enough to want your happiness more. I won't stand in your way, and I won't hold you back. I won't tell you how I feel because it might make you feel obligated to try something with me, because that's the kind of man you are. We had sex and you might feel an obligation to me. You give yourself, and are afraid to take. Afraid to be selfish, but you're not. Sex is not selfish. It can be... but it isn't with us. Maybe you know that.
Maybe this doesn't even make sense. I am, after all, tipsy.
But really, G, you have my heart.
You had it then, and you have it still.
I hope we find our way back to each other someday, maybe a year from now. I hope we can be what the other one needs. And I hope... I hope you can find it in you to let go, to realize that being a better man does not mean never being selfish. That you have the right to want more for yourself, and not settle. Please do not settle, G. Please be aware of your own worth.
I hope I can find my way into your arms once more, one day. I want your hands on me, your lips, I want all of you. I want the good and the bad.