New Year, old habits
1. 2013
There are a lot of things that come to mind if I think about last year. It was hard, extremly so. In years to come I doubt I will ever forget this year in good and in bad. First few months I had to deal again with the fact that I had not enough money and that I needed to change my job pretty fast. At the same time I started to look out for my health...finally. Years went by I felt miserable, more so then the situation I had to deal with asked for. It turns out I may have Hashimoto. My new job recuires that I'm most of the time outside, exercise. It is all in favour for my health I guess. I became far less depressed, got much more motivation in doing things. Medications and Sport seems to help there.
The most difficult part of 2013 was probably watching my Dad die. It didn't take just a few hours but weeks if not months where we practicullary prayed he may not suffer anymore than he already did. The first time ever I considered murder or how they call it non-voluntary euthanasia. I was afraid to visit him alone or I might have done something rush, something anything at all to end this but I also knew I probably might not be able to do him this favor at all. How could I kill someone I loved so very much? It destroied me a little inside, knowing that I couldn't help him at all.
On his final day, we already knew it wouldn't be long anymore...not after my mother ensured they wouldn't keep feeding him, imagine we had to let him starve... I told him he didn't need to fight anymore, that I'm more than anything greatfull for everything he did. Just a few hours after that he passed finally away. His funeral was a joke, we were five people. Obviously if you suffer several years people forget you ever existed. My dear friends couldn't have bothered less eventhough I was there when their father died, I made it possible that I went to each funeral no matter how little I knew their father. In return..well nothing. Sometimes this all makes me so angry I want to tell them, probably beat them some up cause them just as much pain as I felt through out this year but then they aren't worth this at all.
2. 2014 and all
The past weeks I read The Hunger Games, I probably will prefer the movies, but still a good read after all Collins seems to get at least a few things much better done then JKR ever did.
This brings me to todays surprise...in a way it is funny like hell:
Still not over it
After reading this and some comments I'm more than ever convinced some things never change at all for better or worst.
There are a lot of things that come to mind if I think about last year. It was hard, extremly so. In years to come I doubt I will ever forget this year in good and in bad. First few months I had to deal again with the fact that I had not enough money and that I needed to change my job pretty fast. At the same time I started to look out for my health...finally. Years went by I felt miserable, more so then the situation I had to deal with asked for. It turns out I may have Hashimoto. My new job recuires that I'm most of the time outside, exercise. It is all in favour for my health I guess. I became far less depressed, got much more motivation in doing things. Medications and Sport seems to help there.
The most difficult part of 2013 was probably watching my Dad die. It didn't take just a few hours but weeks if not months where we practicullary prayed he may not suffer anymore than he already did. The first time ever I considered murder or how they call it non-voluntary euthanasia. I was afraid to visit him alone or I might have done something rush, something anything at all to end this but I also knew I probably might not be able to do him this favor at all. How could I kill someone I loved so very much? It destroied me a little inside, knowing that I couldn't help him at all.
On his final day, we already knew it wouldn't be long anymore...not after my mother ensured they wouldn't keep feeding him, imagine we had to let him starve... I told him he didn't need to fight anymore, that I'm more than anything greatfull for everything he did. Just a few hours after that he passed finally away. His funeral was a joke, we were five people. Obviously if you suffer several years people forget you ever existed. My dear friends couldn't have bothered less eventhough I was there when their father died, I made it possible that I went to each funeral no matter how little I knew their father. In return..well nothing. Sometimes this all makes me so angry I want to tell them, probably beat them some up cause them just as much pain as I felt through out this year but then they aren't worth this at all.
2. 2014 and all
The past weeks I read The Hunger Games, I probably will prefer the movies, but still a good read after all Collins seems to get at least a few things much better done then JKR ever did.
This brings me to todays surprise...in a way it is funny like hell:
Still not over it
After reading this and some comments I'm more than ever convinced some things never change at all for better or worst.