Falling Down
They tell us to do our work. They tell us to stay in school. They tell us not to smoke, not to drink, not to leave the beaten path. They tell us to study, to plan, to sleep, to clean our rooms. They tell us to grow up. They tell us to stay young. They tell us how to live our lives- what we want- what we need- what we fear. They are the World. We are the Future. They want us to color inside the lines. We want to tie-dye the world.
I wrote that in APLang today. It's a great class, but it's messing with my head. I see tone and diction in everything everywhere I go.
Right now, I feel like I'm falling down.
My director has told me that I have an ego problem. (which I do) I just dont' know if I'm egotistical or if I'm completly devoid of self-confidence.
My school is forcing spirt down my throat, and they are singing and dancing about graduation too.
Yes, I'm psyched about getting the hell out of here, but I'm also damned terrified of being out of here. I may be queen of my current microcosom, but soon I'll be a peasant again. I know that, and I know that there is no guarantee that I'll graduate, that I'll get into college, that I'll get into a program, that I won't starve to death in the streets.
There is NO guarantee, and I seem to be the only one who has caught on to this fact.
I'm stressed on...I don't know...nine, maybe ten levels. I'm being drawn and quarted by responsibilites. I'm skippin more meals than I want to, and people bitch at me for that too, because what I need is more yelling in my life. Whatever. It's too exhausting to give a damn what people think.
I'm also looking for a way to tell my director that I don't want to have anything to do with Sound of Music. It isn't a good show and I don't want to do it with the cast that we will have to have. But, as we all know, telling a director that they can't have something is vaguely akin to stabbing them. They tend to lash out. Violently.
Damnit I miss being at Governor's School where everyone cared. Where they took the dedicated few, put them in one place and let them play together. I have been so biased since I got back. They aren't as wholly obsessed as we were so I can't stand them.
Love you all, miss you all, wish I was going to the Reunion.
I wrote that in APLang today. It's a great class, but it's messing with my head. I see tone and diction in everything everywhere I go.
Right now, I feel like I'm falling down.
My director has told me that I have an ego problem. (which I do) I just dont' know if I'm egotistical or if I'm completly devoid of self-confidence.
My school is forcing spirt down my throat, and they are singing and dancing about graduation too.
Yes, I'm psyched about getting the hell out of here, but I'm also damned terrified of being out of here. I may be queen of my current microcosom, but soon I'll be a peasant again. I know that, and I know that there is no guarantee that I'll graduate, that I'll get into college, that I'll get into a program, that I won't starve to death in the streets.
There is NO guarantee, and I seem to be the only one who has caught on to this fact.
I'm stressed on...I don't know...nine, maybe ten levels. I'm being drawn and quarted by responsibilites. I'm skippin more meals than I want to, and people bitch at me for that too, because what I need is more yelling in my life. Whatever. It's too exhausting to give a damn what people think.
I'm also looking for a way to tell my director that I don't want to have anything to do with Sound of Music. It isn't a good show and I don't want to do it with the cast that we will have to have. But, as we all know, telling a director that they can't have something is vaguely akin to stabbing them. They tend to lash out. Violently.
Damnit I miss being at Governor's School where everyone cared. Where they took the dedicated few, put them in one place and let them play together. I have been so biased since I got back. They aren't as wholly obsessed as we were so I can't stand them.
Love you all, miss you all, wish I was going to the Reunion.