"Stone, there's a guy buried in my pool"

[phoenixsupanova]

So, I’m upset and I feel lost. Found out the guy I was dating has a girlfriend and I have to do what I can to forget the way he made me feel. He would actually hold me and kiss my forehead making the soft sound of his lips leaving my skin. I was dumb enough to think that meant something and it’s something I can’t get to leave my mind. What’s really bad is that he is a guy I work with. I found out last night that he had a girl friend. I didn’t find out from him so it may not be true but it might even be better to believe it whether it is or is not. One of the other guys in the road shop said a girl stopped by work the other day and he went to her and gave her a hug and a kiss. He told me that the reason he wouldn’t answer my phone calls was because he was scared. The way he said it and the way he looked at me, I believed it. I asked him if he would still date me and he said that he didn’t think it was a good idea because he would probably do it all over again. Why do I always get the ones that lie? I even asked him if he was lying to me that night and he said that he wasn’t. I had so much faith in him that I feel stupid. The very last date we went on he told me I was awesome and then wouldn’t tell me why he said that. I believed that too.

I know we always go through this, but I feel empty. I’m lost and confused and I feel unloved. I got drunk for the first time last night and I remember talking about how no one liked me. I was left alone. Everyone else left with someone and I was alone. Why is that? Anyone want to tell me what my problem is? Is it me or is it the people I date? I think it’s me but everyone else keeps telling me it’s the idiots I go out with. I want to feel like I matter to someone.

I also want something to eat because I am WICKED hungry.