That was 2006, This is 2007
X-posted from MySpace
There haven't been many years in my life where I could say my entire life was changed due to a few key events. Yes, things happen year in and year out that have an impact on us in the long run. But truly life-changing events are those that have a strong, immediate impact.
In 2006, I had several of those events.
Most of those things, I have discussed. Some of those things, I have kept to myself. At the end of the day, however, 2006 was an amazing year of growth for me. I learned so many things about myself and the things of which I'm capable of accomplishing...and enduring. I have been tested many times in the past, but never in such rapid succession and continuous onslaught as I endured in 2006. Everything has helped me to improve, and I am ever so grateful for all of the things I have experienced.
Although in 2006, I learned one of the most important lessons I feel I will ever learn in my life. There was a time in my life where I had lost hope, lost my faith. And I acted accordingly. My life didn't matter to me and what I did with it, I felt, meant nothing to anyone and barely anything to me. But 2006 forced me to face the reality that the things that I do really do affect the people around me that care for and love me. In losing my hope and my faith, I may have very well lost what was arguably the best thing in my life. I know now that, with a little hope and faith, that I would not have experienced some of the things that I have. Nonetheless, that is the way things are.
And as much as we'd sometimes like to, we cannot change the past. As such, I refuse to allow myself to dwell on my shortcomings or mistakes. At the end of the day, I know that I did what I neded to do to keep myself alive. Some times more than others I took drastic means. A few people knew the pain I endured everyday, but somehow I managed to keep some things secret - particularly the methods through which I found relief.
Now I'll note, I know that last statement may lead to some questions but please; don't ask. If you don't know, it's because - no offense - I don't want you to.
I've learned in 2006 that my life does not need to be a complete open book. There are things that I share because I feel they may help people. There are things I hold close because there does need to be a sense of privacy to everyone's life. There are things I share selectively because I still need time to adjust to them myself. I have discovered so many reasons behind so many of the things that have happened in my life. Beyond that, I've discovered so many reasons for why I make the decisions that I do.
2006 will forever go down as the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning of another. What I have learned this past year will carry me forward with a momentum that I have never experienced before. I am faced with new challenges, blessed with new abilities, capable of even more understanding. Life is everchanging, and I now know that I must change with it.
2007 brings so many opportunities that I cannot even begin to list them all here. So many things will happen, including moving out on my own and opening up my life to include so many wonderful people who have existed only on the outskirts of it. I wish I could tell so many of you how I wish I could spend more time with you, be around you more, talk to you more - if you're reading this, more than likely you're an amazing person who will never get everything that you're due in this life. And that's not because you won't reach for it, but because hardly any of us will; there aren't enough things on this earth to bless those of us who truly deserve it all.
So for 2007, I'm going to do what I need to do and move forward. I will take my past as lessons learned, and look to my future to discover uncharted lands. There are so many things that I have yet to experience, both good and bad, and I can hardly wait. At this point, I've loved, lost, loved again, and lost again. There will come a time when I will love again, I truly believe that. Just as I believe that I will be able to go out into the world and take care of myself again. Just as I believe that I will be able to confront the hurdles in my life and find one way or another to get over them.
I have often considered myself a realist. For 2007, I considered optimism. But I came up with a better idea: take it one day at a time. I'll take a note from Jay-Z; when it's all over, I'll just lay back on the beach with a glass of lemonade and a shiny new beach chair.
There haven't been many years in my life where I could say my entire life was changed due to a few key events. Yes, things happen year in and year out that have an impact on us in the long run. But truly life-changing events are those that have a strong, immediate impact.
In 2006, I had several of those events.
Most of those things, I have discussed. Some of those things, I have kept to myself. At the end of the day, however, 2006 was an amazing year of growth for me. I learned so many things about myself and the things of which I'm capable of accomplishing...and enduring. I have been tested many times in the past, but never in such rapid succession and continuous onslaught as I endured in 2006. Everything has helped me to improve, and I am ever so grateful for all of the things I have experienced.
Although in 2006, I learned one of the most important lessons I feel I will ever learn in my life. There was a time in my life where I had lost hope, lost my faith. And I acted accordingly. My life didn't matter to me and what I did with it, I felt, meant nothing to anyone and barely anything to me. But 2006 forced me to face the reality that the things that I do really do affect the people around me that care for and love me. In losing my hope and my faith, I may have very well lost what was arguably the best thing in my life. I know now that, with a little hope and faith, that I would not have experienced some of the things that I have. Nonetheless, that is the way things are.
And as much as we'd sometimes like to, we cannot change the past. As such, I refuse to allow myself to dwell on my shortcomings or mistakes. At the end of the day, I know that I did what I neded to do to keep myself alive. Some times more than others I took drastic means. A few people knew the pain I endured everyday, but somehow I managed to keep some things secret - particularly the methods through which I found relief.
Now I'll note, I know that last statement may lead to some questions but please; don't ask. If you don't know, it's because - no offense - I don't want you to.
I've learned in 2006 that my life does not need to be a complete open book. There are things that I share because I feel they may help people. There are things I hold close because there does need to be a sense of privacy to everyone's life. There are things I share selectively because I still need time to adjust to them myself. I have discovered so many reasons behind so many of the things that have happened in my life. Beyond that, I've discovered so many reasons for why I make the decisions that I do.
2006 will forever go down as the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning of another. What I have learned this past year will carry me forward with a momentum that I have never experienced before. I am faced with new challenges, blessed with new abilities, capable of even more understanding. Life is everchanging, and I now know that I must change with it.
2007 brings so many opportunities that I cannot even begin to list them all here. So many things will happen, including moving out on my own and opening up my life to include so many wonderful people who have existed only on the outskirts of it. I wish I could tell so many of you how I wish I could spend more time with you, be around you more, talk to you more - if you're reading this, more than likely you're an amazing person who will never get everything that you're due in this life. And that's not because you won't reach for it, but because hardly any of us will; there aren't enough things on this earth to bless those of us who truly deserve it all.
So for 2007, I'm going to do what I need to do and move forward. I will take my past as lessons learned, and look to my future to discover uncharted lands. There are so many things that I have yet to experience, both good and bad, and I can hardly wait. At this point, I've loved, lost, loved again, and lost again. There will come a time when I will love again, I truly believe that. Just as I believe that I will be able to go out into the world and take care of myself again. Just as I believe that I will be able to confront the hurdles in my life and find one way or another to get over them.
I have often considered myself a realist. For 2007, I considered optimism. But I came up with a better idea: take it one day at a time. I'll take a note from Jay-Z; when it's all over, I'll just lay back on the beach with a glass of lemonade and a shiny new beach chair.