Well...
So, I had to post here because I had a revelation about something today that I needed to share with you... and get you're input.
It's interesting.
I've realized that my closer friends, the people I can freely say I love, I know are here. I know I can say to you, I love you. Truly and with all my heart. And I'm pretty sure I know most of you well enough to be able to say that you'll believe me and understand.
And this is precisely what I want to talk about.
Love.
The love that fills your soul and builds the foundation of your very being.
Yeah, that kind of love that can only be felt by watching your friends be happy... find themselves, open truly to the world and that feeling that just makes y'proud to be near them because you can see they've found their bliss and this feeling of recognition comes over you... damn, I'm blessed to be near you. I'm blessed to have you in my life, in my world.. thank you for being a part of who I am, thank you for helping to build my memories and share in this experience... whatever it happens to be.
I have always had love for people in this way. Not all people, of course... but there are indeed those people... they wander in, shake things up a bit.. and wander back out again, usually with a violent crash of thunder they walk out of my world, they're purpose fulfilled and with a smile they bow out so I can move forward with the lessons they've taught.
They don't always, tho.. sometimes they stay, a low, constant roar of presence. A peaceful tide, washing in and back out again, sifting through the sand and washing back out again, to return in a low rush of dreamy endless and seamless beauty.
Both of these are amazingly brilliant lights, soaring deep into my subconsciousness and locking themselves into my hearts, in places I am sometimes surprised to find them... well, on occasion something will trigger the spark however cold the wiring might have been and ignite that river of universal love.
When that happens, sometimes... I have this really irritating habit of telling these people how much I care and how very dear they are to me.
What happens then, is inevitable and only one of two things.
Either they get it, accept it, and appreciate it and all is well.
Or..
They freak out. Can't deal, either don't talk to me at all anymore, can't respond at all or just pretend it didn't happen.
Well, here's the deal.
I hate loosing people.
I HHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEE... loosing people.
And most of you know me well enough to know that my saying I truly hate anything is really rare, but I can't tell you how much I hate it. I have always been open with people, I don't often lie about things. I'll bend the rules a bit, I'll 'omit the truth' on occasion, and still, everyone knows that if you ask me a direct question I will tell you the answer, truthfully. It's a flaw, really. I've never been able to get away with anything.
Sometimes I have this tendency to tell people the truth when they're not asking for it.
Like... See, I tell people who have effected my life, that they have. Sometimes I realize... they can't handle it. Unfortunately I realize that only too late, and they can't deal with me anymore because they don't wanna talk to me anymore because I've creeped them out because I told them what they mean to me.
Now, WTF is up with that???
It sucks and I hate it.
I understand it though, I really do. The way I look a it, is that people rarely think that anyone can love them unconditionally.
I don't ask for anything back. I don't ask for a mirrored response, or a automatic reply... I don't ask for anything, really. I just want people to know what I feel. Maybe this is a selfish thing, I mean, it does make me feel good to be able to say to someone that I truly care about them. It's relieving somehow, to be honest. To be completely honest with someone and say, you know.. I love you. Truly, with all my heart... you are a vital part of my world and I appreciate your existence... you've done so much for me and I wish I could truly show you, I hope you know... you are so important it's difficult to express how much.
And then there's a silence... a dull, aching silence where they think they're expected to say something back.
Well, your'e not. So get over yourself, say thank you and try to get it through your head that you are loved, truly and unconditionally, and guess what? There's no strings attached.
No, really.
None.
Just go back to what you were doing, go back and live your life, understanding that at at least a single point in time... you made a difference in my world for the better. That's all I wantcha to know... do with the information what you will, okay? Your'e not obligated to 'feel' anything.
Honest.
You know, I've lost more friends this way, than telling them I can't stand them? I have seen more people walk out of my life for good, because I told them how important they were to me, then I think I will ever loose because I tell them I can't stand them.
I long for the day when people can take compliments as well as they take criticism. Heh, now how's that irony for ya?
It's interesting.
I've realized that my closer friends, the people I can freely say I love, I know are here. I know I can say to you, I love you. Truly and with all my heart. And I'm pretty sure I know most of you well enough to be able to say that you'll believe me and understand.
And this is precisely what I want to talk about.
Love.
The love that fills your soul and builds the foundation of your very being.
Yeah, that kind of love that can only be felt by watching your friends be happy... find themselves, open truly to the world and that feeling that just makes y'proud to be near them because you can see they've found their bliss and this feeling of recognition comes over you... damn, I'm blessed to be near you. I'm blessed to have you in my life, in my world.. thank you for being a part of who I am, thank you for helping to build my memories and share in this experience... whatever it happens to be.
I have always had love for people in this way. Not all people, of course... but there are indeed those people... they wander in, shake things up a bit.. and wander back out again, usually with a violent crash of thunder they walk out of my world, they're purpose fulfilled and with a smile they bow out so I can move forward with the lessons they've taught.
They don't always, tho.. sometimes they stay, a low, constant roar of presence. A peaceful tide, washing in and back out again, sifting through the sand and washing back out again, to return in a low rush of dreamy endless and seamless beauty.
Both of these are amazingly brilliant lights, soaring deep into my subconsciousness and locking themselves into my hearts, in places I am sometimes surprised to find them... well, on occasion something will trigger the spark however cold the wiring might have been and ignite that river of universal love.
When that happens, sometimes... I have this really irritating habit of telling these people how much I care and how very dear they are to me.
What happens then, is inevitable and only one of two things.
Either they get it, accept it, and appreciate it and all is well.
Or..
They freak out. Can't deal, either don't talk to me at all anymore, can't respond at all or just pretend it didn't happen.
Well, here's the deal.
I hate loosing people.
I HHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEE... loosing people.
And most of you know me well enough to know that my saying I truly hate anything is really rare, but I can't tell you how much I hate it. I have always been open with people, I don't often lie about things. I'll bend the rules a bit, I'll 'omit the truth' on occasion, and still, everyone knows that if you ask me a direct question I will tell you the answer, truthfully. It's a flaw, really. I've never been able to get away with anything.
Sometimes I have this tendency to tell people the truth when they're not asking for it.
Like... See, I tell people who have effected my life, that they have. Sometimes I realize... they can't handle it. Unfortunately I realize that only too late, and they can't deal with me anymore because they don't wanna talk to me anymore because I've creeped them out because I told them what they mean to me.
Now, WTF is up with that???
It sucks and I hate it.
I understand it though, I really do. The way I look a it, is that people rarely think that anyone can love them unconditionally.
I don't ask for anything back. I don't ask for a mirrored response, or a automatic reply... I don't ask for anything, really. I just want people to know what I feel. Maybe this is a selfish thing, I mean, it does make me feel good to be able to say to someone that I truly care about them. It's relieving somehow, to be honest. To be completely honest with someone and say, you know.. I love you. Truly, with all my heart... you are a vital part of my world and I appreciate your existence... you've done so much for me and I wish I could truly show you, I hope you know... you are so important it's difficult to express how much.
And then there's a silence... a dull, aching silence where they think they're expected to say something back.
Well, your'e not. So get over yourself, say thank you and try to get it through your head that you are loved, truly and unconditionally, and guess what? There's no strings attached.
No, really.
None.
Just go back to what you were doing, go back and live your life, understanding that at at least a single point in time... you made a difference in my world for the better. That's all I wantcha to know... do with the information what you will, okay? Your'e not obligated to 'feel' anything.
Honest.
You know, I've lost more friends this way, than telling them I can't stand them? I have seen more people walk out of my life for good, because I told them how important they were to me, then I think I will ever loose because I tell them I can't stand them.
I long for the day when people can take compliments as well as they take criticism. Heh, now how's that irony for ya?