Writer's Block: Let Down
There are too many moments to describe. Everyone I've ever loved and trusted has let me down and broken promises to me. I don't whine about it. In fact, I prefer not to talk about it, but on this night, I stumbled upon this "Writer's Block" topic at the right time.
I am so unlucky with everything, especially love. I attract people who seem to ( Read more... )
I am so unlucky with everything, especially love. I attract people who seem to ( Read more... )
I'm just scared. I don't know what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go. Everything around me is falling apart, yet I can't be angry with God. I can't blame God for anything, and somehow, I feel that things will be ok. At the same time, I'm so hurt and heartbroken because this isn't where I thought I would be. I thought I would at least have someone who loves, respects, and supports me and shows that to me. I was one of those people who did everything by the book and worked hard to serve others. I thought I would at least have someone who really loves me in my life, but I just keep getting hurt. I can't trust anyone. I'm so scared and depressed that I don't know what to do. I just keep going on. I cry today and smile tomorrow. I pretend that nothing is wrong. I seem strong. People tell me I am, but I'm so weak, and all that's happened so far has shown me how utterly weak and powerless I am. I can't pick myself up any more. I'm just doing what comes naturally to me for basic survival. Everything I do now I do so I don't die. I've lost friends either through geographical moves or craziness (you remember the girl that wrote that e-mail to me about nonsense). I look through my phone, and there's no one I can call during a crisis. I try calling my mother, but she's always sleeping. I could be dying, it could be my last phone call, and she will miss it because she is sleeping. She's practically a narcoleptic, and I've hated it since I was a child. I feel like I have no support, no one to listen to me. People dump their problems on me, but when my turn comes, no one wants to hear it. I'm so lost that a compass wouldn't save me right now. I'm so lost and alone.
Yet I will smile, solve everyone else's problems, be that nurturing ear, and pretend that nothing is wrong. I won't tell anyone what's going on. I'll briefly mention that I'm having an issue and then say, "Now, who wants cake?"
I saw your post about your mom. I will comment on that soon. I just need to think about that some more before I can say anything that might be remotely helpful.
I don't mind being there for my friends. I especially like being there for you. It doesn't feel like you're draining me of my soul. You replenish what you take, and because of that, you are a breath of fresh air. Right now, honestly, there is no one like that who is physically present in my life.
Maybe this is God's spring cleaning. He's clearing the way for something good. I don't know what else to think any more. I have to try to be positive. If I don't try, I will no longer exist. I already feel myself fading away, growing cold, becoming someone else. I need to preserve mysself. I really do want to live.
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Althought my situation is a little different, I completely understand where you're coming from. I can relate to everything you say.
It's a scary thing to realise that this isn't how you thought things would be, that your life maybe isn't going the way you expected it to.
I do think you underestimate yourself somewhat. In my opinion, you are strong. I don't want to repeat what other people say to you but I think that from what you've said you've had a hard time and you still keep picking yourself up and carrying on. I know myself that that's not easy.I think you should be proud of yourself. I'm sure a lto of people would have given up by now.
What you said about not having someone you can call in a crisis is exactly how I feel. It's a horrible thing to think that there's no on to turn to. I know I'm not physically there but I will still always listen to you when you need it. Even if you just need to ramble about your day, I'm more than happy to listen.
Now, I'm not sure what the situation is but maybe you should stop listening to other people's problems or at least tell them that you need a break to deal with some issues of your own. They can't expect your help and advice if they're not willing to give anything in return. Friendship doesn't work that way. Maybe you need to focus more on yourself for a while. Sometimes selfishness is needed.
Don't feel like you have to comment on my post although of course I'll apprecaite it if you do.
I'm glad you don't mind being there for me. I don't want you to feel like you have to be. I really appreciate your advice, it means a lot to me. I'm also glad that I can be there for you even though I'm not physically present in your life. I think that can be more helpful in some ways.
You will find good things in life. Maybe when you least expect it but they will come.
Have you ever thought of visiting a medium? I don't know if you're a believer but I know that it's helped people I know. It could be worth a try.
<3
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