Leaf is 29 and getting younger by the year.
Isolation. Separation. Forgetting. Remembering. Consumed in one's own self, no distractions or interruptions to skew the one track minded state that is truly and brutally 'alone'. I find it helps the brain to process in a more organized fashion. I'm the type of person who always needs something to do or keep his mind on. I start to tap my fingers, searching for an excuse to get off my ass and do something. I scramble and wait for anything to come along and smack me in the face. By the end of the night, my room is positively spotless. My paperwork, once overdue, is now completed. My clothes cleaned and folded. And somehow, in the process, the phone is unplugged. The TV is cold. And I'm still alone. Have you ever been so alone that your ears start to ring? The silence is overbearing. Deafening quiet. A hotel room is no place to spend a birthday. A hotel room is no place to be period. But the forces of work have been working against me. I called Rain today and got no answer. I started to wonder why no one tried to contact me, until I realized the phone was off the hook since I started searching. Maybe it's better that it was. I'm not necessarily in the mood for talking, I don't feel like associating. I don't feel like going out or having guests or spending an hour on the phone. And it has absolutely nothing to do with my birthday. One year to thirty. Scary thought.