fuck.
god i've been such a bitch lately. my mind is so fucked up. its gotten so bad that i used to be able to type 85 wpm and hardly make an error. now i find myself typing so fast and erratically that not only do i put spaces where they don tbelon g, <---- but i switch letters and my brain can't think fast enough to keep up with my finggers. jesus christ.
what a shitty mood im in. im so sick of shit. i really am. im very happy with the way things are hgoing, ive got anew job coming up soon, im gonna be a hostess and make crazy money t ath THIS really busy restaurant in the area, but im worried im gonna fuck it up with my ohso obvious scatterbrainedness. my mind is no longer connected to my fucking body. i dont think anymore. its like theres just blackness in my head. and to think - i cut down my smoking to the point of basically quitting!! i must have some terrible form of ADD now from pot. god i feel like such a mental wasteland. i can memorize information to a fault. half the time i have no train of thought, just stupid fragmented thoughts swirling around senselessly. i dont think before i act, i dont think before i speak. i bottle up shit inside of me that by this point i should have blown my asshole out from pure coarbonation. i seriously fucked up the realationship with the most wonderful person i know, i hid myself from him, threw selfish temper tantrums, didnt listen to him, wouldnt work on our problems, pushed things away, wasnt mature enough to deal with shit face to face, went about my own business without a thought for anyone else but myself, and here i am like the fucking cuntass bitch i am. and I CANT FUCKING TYPE!!
god im so pissed i coul dgo blow up shit. its to the point where i cant stand people imming me anymore if im in the mdidle of doing something. i cant stand this. WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING BITCH NOW???? why do i hate everything. im in such a shitt ymo dk.
I CANJT FUCKING TYPE I CANT FUCKING TYPE@!@~@~!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i knew what the fuck was going on inside my head. i wish i could bring the wall down that is blocking me from the person i should be, instead of being this emotional graveyard.
i am just a souless wonder
digging tracks on roads i wander
i am marvelled by my senseless
way of scaling mental fences
only to come face to face
with a display of my disgrace
this wall of steel that i have built,
a product of my empty guilt,
has grown so tall that i cant see
the other side of what was me.
what a shitty mood im in. im so sick of shit. i really am. im very happy with the way things are hgoing, ive got anew job coming up soon, im gonna be a hostess and make crazy money t ath THIS really busy restaurant in the area, but im worried im gonna fuck it up with my ohso obvious scatterbrainedness. my mind is no longer connected to my fucking body. i dont think anymore. its like theres just blackness in my head. and to think - i cut down my smoking to the point of basically quitting!! i must have some terrible form of ADD now from pot. god i feel like such a mental wasteland. i can memorize information to a fault. half the time i have no train of thought, just stupid fragmented thoughts swirling around senselessly. i dont think before i act, i dont think before i speak. i bottle up shit inside of me that by this point i should have blown my asshole out from pure coarbonation. i seriously fucked up the realationship with the most wonderful person i know, i hid myself from him, threw selfish temper tantrums, didnt listen to him, wouldnt work on our problems, pushed things away, wasnt mature enough to deal with shit face to face, went about my own business without a thought for anyone else but myself, and here i am like the fucking cuntass bitch i am. and I CANT FUCKING TYPE!!
god im so pissed i coul dgo blow up shit. its to the point where i cant stand people imming me anymore if im in the mdidle of doing something. i cant stand this. WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING BITCH NOW???? why do i hate everything. im in such a shitt ymo dk.
I CANJT FUCKING TYPE I CANT FUCKING TYPE@!@~@~!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i knew what the fuck was going on inside my head. i wish i could bring the wall down that is blocking me from the person i should be, instead of being this emotional graveyard.
i am just a souless wonder
digging tracks on roads i wander
i am marvelled by my senseless
way of scaling mental fences
only to come face to face
with a display of my disgrace
this wall of steel that i have built,
a product of my empty guilt,
has grown so tall that i cant see
the other side of what was me.