Our Love Style: Chapter 8
Title: Our Love Style
Author: Aznmen
Pairing: JaeSu, JaeChun
Length: Chaptered
Words: 2050
Summary: Is it my fault that I love you too much? Am I supposed to watch you interact with people normally and not feel some sort of jealousy?
Changmin came up to me today. It wasn’t very normal, since we do talk a lot, but more often than not, we talk at the lunch table. “Jae…” he had started, not yet meeting my face.
“Yeah, Changmin?” I looked at him curiously. What was this boy up to?
“First… I want you to know that I never feel anything bad towards you for being gay; you were Jaejoong before, and you’re still Jaejoong… but…” His eyes finally raised to meet mine. “What does being gay feel like?”
Such a startling question. I have to think for a little bit, because, to me, it doesn’t feel like a big deal, but thinking from someone else’s perspective. “I think… it’s hard, because you’re first afraid of what other people will think… and you’re afraid that if you do get found out, you’ll be whaled upon by other guys…” I pause, thinking some more. This was more in depth than the normal things I thought, “It’s like… when you look at a girl, the first thing you notice aren’t her boobs, but … her eyes? Her smile? Her good personality?
“You… worry about your friends, and how they’ll react. You worry about having a crush on someone, and being ostracized because of it. You’re afraid that everything will burst around you, and you’ll be left on your own. You feel as if you’re an emotional wreck, but when that one person brings you up, you don’t ever want to fall. When you first realize it, you freak… thinking that everything has changed.” I look down at him, “Do you understand what I’m saying? Was that more information than you wanted?”
Changmin smiles, and nods his head slightly, “I understand, and it makes me think more about what you guys must be thinking. What was it like when Junsu did that to you? I understand … a little, why he pushed you guys away…”
“It hurt a lot. He had told me that he wouldn’t leave me; that things wouldn’t change…” I can’t help but repeat myself again, “That… he wouldn’t look at me different… things wouldn’t change. Of course you saw how that turned out.”
“Do you still feel a grudge against him for it?”
I slightly wonder why he’s asking these things, but I don’t mind telling him. Changmin was one that I felt I could tell him. “Yes. We’re friends and I try to forget it, but if something like that happened to you… you would still feel it, maybe in the background, but you still feel that betrayal.”
“I wouldn’t forgive them… I think. I can put up with a lot, but if he completely went against what he told me… I don’t think I could forgive that.” Changmin answered, looking down towards his hands. “I wouldn’t ever want to fall in love with him… I think I would be upset at myself, because I did fall in love with someone like that.”
“I do feel a sort of regret sometimes, but I’ve forgiven him for the most part.”
“So you wouldn’t fall in love with him again, right?”
I shake my head no, a small smile on my face. “No… I’m happy with YooChun, and I’m glad that things turned out how they did, because if they didn’t, I wouldn’t have been with YooChun.”
Changmin nods his head, and pulls me into a hug. His arms were warm, and though I wondered why he was hugging me, I hugged him back tightly. Man hug!
Changmin’s POV
I pulled Jaejoong into a hug. I could tell he was surprised, but I felt the need to hug him then and there. Junsu had asked me to ask Jaejoong about him, and I saw his eyes cloud with emotion when he was telling me what happened…
He was more comfortable than I thought. Although he was skinny, and you could almost feel his bones when you hugged him, he was the huggable type. I let him go, and then walk onto my next class. Junsu was in it with me (the reason he asked me).
As soon as I walked in the door, Junsu was immediately in my face. “What did he say?”
I ignore him, walking to my seat and sitting down. Junsu sits next to me, and asks again, “What did he say?”
“Which question do you want me to answer first?” I ask, thinking again at how Jaejoong’s face had changed when moving from Junsu to YooChun… he was truly happy with YooChun, and I was glad they were together.
“… does he hate me?”
“Junsu… he doesn’t hate you, but he still has a grudge against you. He said that he’s trying to forget it, but he still has that underlying grudge.”
Junsu looked down, ashamed, “That’s expected.”
He continues to ask questions, and I answer them, but I can’t help but think of how Jaejoong would feel when he knew that what he told me was being told to Junsu.
What I told Jaejoong was the truth, though. It didn’t matter if he was gay or not; we had been friends for as long as I could remember, and he was still the same person as he was before. I’ve heard Junsu’s side of the story, unlike some of the other people… I know Yunho still has to talk to him, but I’ve heard Junsu’s side.
His reaction was perfectly normal, I think. At least, under his circumstances. A lot of people don’t know this, and even Jaejoong doesn’t. Junsu’s father isn’t his real father. His mother actually divorced when he was about eight… the reason was because Junsu’s father was gay. After twelve years of marriage, four of the years without a child, Junsu’s father was one of the hiders. He had married to cover up the fact that he was gay.
When his wife found out (apparently he had had a boyfriend on the side), she immediately demanded a divorce… Junsu’s father had left all of them. His love for his family wasn’t much more than a ‘good-bye’ and some money.
Junsu’s first idea of a gay man was his father… not the Jaejoong who he was to begin with. All Junsu could see was the ghost of his father.
Junsu still feels bad about that, and wants to make it up anyway he can, but it would be hard to explain that to Jaejoong. When he was telling me, I could tell how hard it was for him. I don’t know if Junsu likes Jaejoong in that way, and frankly, I don’t want to butt my head in. I know that Jaejoong and YooChun are very happy together, and I would hate for them to break up. I hope that Junsu thinks before telling Jaejoong, and I hope that Junsu is straight. I dearly, dearly, dearly hope that he is straight.
At our table, we have our spots. We all sit in them each and everyday. It’s… a certainty in the world that each of us will sit in that spot. Jaejoong is next to YooChun, who is next to Yunho, next to me. Beside me is Yehsung and then Ryeowook, Kyuhyun is after him, and then there’s Junsu… When YooChun and Jaejoong left, there was this hole in our table that is now filled again.
Where I’m sitting is the perfect place to hear everyone’s conversations. I’m right across from Jae, Chun, and Su… and then next to Kyuhyun and the Yehwook couple. Yunho and me will talk a lot, but I like to chat with the others too.
As I look around the table, I can’t help but smile as I see two couples playing around. Ryeowook was showing off a soup today, and he had already heated it up. I wasn’t sure how that boy got to the microwaves so fast, but he was already done. Yehsung actually looked hesitant this time, but Ryeowook was shoving the spoon in his face. Rather than have it spill around, Yehsung lurched forward and ate the stuff in the spoon. Chewing it slowly, he swallowed and then smiled. I can hear a faint, “Wow! It’s really good,” before I grin at Jaejoong and YooChun.
YooChun was whispering into Jaejoong’s ear, and Jaejoong was grinning. He was also holding YooChun’s hand. YooChun apparently finished his story, and Jaejoong gaped. Smacking him on the arm, Jaejoong took his hand away from YooChun’s. Grinning maniacally, YooChun leaned over again and whispered something else to Jaejoong.
Kyuhyun and Junsu were chatting animatedly, but I could see Junsu’s eyes flicker every now and then towards Jaejoong. That’s when I turn to Yunho and begin to talk about random things.
Yup, the world hasn’t gone through the apocalypse. Things are normal here.
Back to Jae
I can’t believe he said that! I can’t help but smack him, and when he adds more to what he said, I let my hand smack him once more. Pervert.
YooChun lies his hand back on my thigh, and I look at him, my eyebrow cocked up high, “Boyfriend do whaaaaat?”
“Boyfriend doing this.” His hand squeezed my thigh lightly, and I grabbed hold of it and lifted it off. He pouted at me slightly and I shook my head.
“This boyfriend isn’t feeling anyone up.” Bad YooChun! Such a pervert and then attempting to try it on me?
YooChun pouts once more, and ruffles his hand through my hair, looking at me softly, “I love you.” He gets up quickly and leaves for the vending machine. My expression softens and I look at his back with way too much emotion on my face.
When he comes back, he lays his hand back on my thigh again, but I let him. I can’t get mad at him for too long…
Junsu launches onto my back. I stumble slightly, and grab hold of his legs quickly lest he fall off and hurt his butt… or other extremity. “Jaejae! Give me a ride!” He points to the direction he wants to be taken, and I quickly heave him up onto my hips so that he rests a little.
“Junsu…” I grunt, lifting him up once more.
“Huh?” His voice is close to my ear and I feel his hot breath warm it.
“You… are very heavy.”
“I don’t care!”
His happy-go-lucky attitude made me frown slightly, and I heaved him up once more. He kept sliding!
“Jaejae, your hips are too small! I can’t hold onto them!”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
All I can do is shake my head and continue to take him to where he wanted. We were in free period once more, and we weren’t doing much, so Junsu was simply using me as a carriage. When we got to the spot he wanted, he jumped off and chatted with a few of the girls. Ah Lae was one of them.
She walked over to my side and started talking idly with me, and oddly enough it was comfortable and not … too… weird. She smiled and looked at me as if nothing had happened between us, and I couldn’t help but give her a big smile when I turned to leave. (After having made enough polite chit-chat). Junsu saw me leaving and cut off his conversations. “Jae!!!” Oomph. I heave him up once more, and he points to another direction.
By the time we’re done, I’m pretty sure my arms and legs are going to be toned.
YooChun walks up to my locker quietly, “Jae… can we walk home today?”
Walk home? … the weather isn’t that bad, although a coat would still be necessary, and YooChun lived close enough that it’d be okay… “Why?”
“I just wanted to spend some time with you…”
My house was a little farther, but still pretty close to YooChun’s… if it got too cold, I could just crash at YooChun’s. “Alright, that’s okay.” I smile lightly, and squeeze his arm briefly.
His stuff is already around his shoulders, and his coat already on, so I quickly slide into mine and get a few notebooks I needed.
As we leave the building, he slides his hand into mine, and I wonder what this is about, but I don’t care. He’s very warm.
A/N: There’s only going to be a couple more chapters… like one… or two. Probably one, knowing how I said 2 for GYTM, and ended up doing one more… and the fact… well yeah, count on one more ^^ I hope you guys are liking this so far~ I’m sorry there hasn’t been much more action, but there will be ^^ It’s not sudden drama like someone dying or anything… but I think something more realistic? This was supposed to be a one-shot (did you guys know that?) A simple JaeSu one-shot, and this is what it turned to. I hope this was a more realistic High school AU fic ^^ and that you guys have enjoyed it~