Voyage of the Unicorn- The Movie that Changed my Life, Or, it's Pros and Cons
Dear Musashi,
Last night, in some bout of whimsy, I decided to google this movie I watched when I was 15. It is titled The Voyage of the Unicorn. Yes. You heard me right. I said The Voyage of the Unicorn.
As I said, I was 15, it was some hot July night, I have no idea where everyone else in the house was, or what they were doing. Because I clearly remember being in the Tv room and watching this movie, and I was the only one there.
For some reason, it left a really deep impression on me. So much so that when I'd finished the movie, I went into my room and in a green glittery pen wrote "FAITH PRECEDES THE MIRACLE" on my bedpost, and dated it. I guess because the theme of the movie really resonated with me, it was all about believing, and well. I believe.
And then, when I was looking up the song on youtube, I discovered something. All cut up into seventeen little sections was the movie in its entirety! There! On youtube! And what could I do, but sit down and watch it? I think I planned on stopping half way through, but could not! I was oddly engrossed. So now I'm going to do a series of posts on the movie because it made me think about a lot of things. First! The Pros and Cons!
CONS! (Or, Why On-ni will probably hate this movie if I make her watch it)
1) The Cheesiness. The Costumes and Special Effects.
It's incredibly cheesy. Ok. I know this. The plot line is not specially developed, there's no real twists or surprises. (Family transported to a magical world! Family must save magical world because there is a prophecy saying they will! Oh no! Where have we heard this before?) This is a low budget TV movie, OK? It was made in 2001, so it has some computer special effects, but it was made for TV, so it definitely does not have a Narnia Budget. The costumes are kinda of hokey, the faeries and magical creatures not especially well done, and for all intents in purposes, it *looks* like a TV movie.
2)The ENDING
Seriously? Seriously, that's how it ends? It was like, Victory Battle! aaaaaaand We're Done! The battle was nicely dramatic, but the wrap up sucked. In that, there was not wrap up. In that, they had like, two minutes to wrap up the movie. I'm sort of convinced the Director went "SHIT! We just made a three hour movie, SHUT IT DOWN, PEOPLE." A good movie needs about 10, maybe 15 minutes of wrap up. Taking it the other way, (*coughcough Return of the King Cough*) and giving it a 45 minute wrap up is lame and no one likes that. But two minutes? Invest a little more time, people!
3)The plot holes.
My personal favorite being everyone sneaking into the troll camp, and then after they steal back the dragon skull, all their friends and allies have been caught and enslaved and the next time you see them they are chained and working in the quarry. I mean, it's the same day people, why are the soul broken working in the quarry? And the love interest! She's seen in chains in her tattered dress and it's like, when did her dress get tattered? Did the trolls decide "You are slave now, you must wear tatters" and rip it up in a fashionable (and clean!) manner just so she'd look the part? Did they have a spare tattered dress for her to put on in the FIVE MINUTES that occurred between scenes?
4)Olaf, the Fat German, I mean Ogre
Olaf the Ogre was picked up like all there other magical allies and then I guess he was left on the ship when everything went down because he was never seen from again. And why was the Ogre a Fat German wearing Liederhosen and was specially touched in the head? Why?
PROS! (Or, why you must watch this and buy it on DVD and save it to force your children to watch it, and your children's children, and their children, Or, the genre convention breaking wonderfulness of it all)
1)The Family
Family gets taken to a magical world and must save magical land because a prophecy says so! But the family is, Get This! A Dad and Two Daughters! I love it! Because parents are almost never allowed on magical journeys! They aren't allowed in Neverland, they aren't allowed in Narnia. (Ok, so there's Tony from 10th Kingdom, but I don't count him since Victoria was an adult too). So I love that Professor Aisling gets to go, and that he's way into it, because he's a Professor of Mythology. Because my Dad would *love* to go on a magical adventure, I think he would have a fun time on one, and I'd like to think he could be included. (Mom might not like it so much. Unless magical realm in question heavily resembled a Greek Island. Then she might not mind so much.)
And I think it's significant that the magical realm doesn't really have a name, it's only referred to as a a World of Imagination. So it's important that an adult and his teenage daughter is included along with the little girl character. Imagination (and magic) is for everyone.
2)The Allies
The Prophecy has some line of "They will free heroes imprisoned" or some such thing. And the heroes they free? The Minotaur, Medusa, and the Sphynx. I love it that their allies are monsters. I think the movie would be very different if the heroes they'd free were say, Theseus, Perseus, and Oedipus. (OK, no one wants to ally with Oedipus, but the point remains.)Because what are monsters imprisoned by? Besides the literal things like labyrinthes, they are imprisoned by the image of them being monsters, and that's what the Aislings free them from. Which leads us to...
3)The Enemies
The enemies are trolls. But the unlike most movies where you can tell bad guys are the bad guys because they're ugly and and dark and gross, like Orcs and other trolls and what not, there's more to this. Because the *allies* are monsters too, so it's not like the trolls are bad guys because they're monsters. Alan (Professor Aisling) tells Malachi (wise figure) "To sail to a place beyond the reach of trolls" And Malachi answers "I have been to your world, Professor Aisling. I saw trolls there too, different shapes and sizes but trolls nonetheless. Trolls are those that fear change" or some such thing. Little Girl Cassie does what she does the entire movie threw and asks the trolls to join them, that she believes the world will accept them despite what they look like. But the trolls don't change. And that's why they're the bad guys: They refuse to change. Not because they are monsters.
4)The Love Interest(s)
So, this movie is not a love story. Romance is not a major factor. The love interests are exactly that: love interests. They're not soul mates or the love of your life or anything epic. They're just people that the main heroes might be interested in for love.
First, there's Sebastian. I love Sebastian. I don't think I loved Sebastian quite this much the first time round, but I think he's awesome. He's an Elf, but he is not your Tolkein Elf. He is shorter than the heroine (Teenage daughter Miranda, more on Miranda later) he has big floppy ears and a very, very pointy nose, and looks more like someone who works for Santa than Orlando Bloom with a bow. When he first sees Miranda we see her through his eyes; her golden hair, shimmering in a golden glow and she's beautiful. (Right before she runs to the side of the ship to throw up). And Sebastian is this rather unattractive dude who's afraid of trolls, stutters sometimes, and is majorly awkward. He is every nerd that was never good enough to get the girl. But he does! (Or the girl gets him, more accurately. He seems very gotten.) There is a distinct lack of hunks in this movie, and I think it's fantastic that Sebastian is all that's there.
Then, there's Medusa. And she's *Medusa*. Enough said, really. Like Sebastain, Medusa deserves some lovin'-- it's her due. But I like how it's handled, really. Because the Mom is dead, and we can figure out she died somewhat recently, and that boundary is there. Dad and Medusa never kiss, they never awkwardly hold hands or have high sexual tension. It's just that the potential is there-- eventually. And I love that, because all to many times I feel like screaming at shows "DUDE YOUR WIFE JUST DIED." So I like how it's handled.
5)The Costumes and the Special Effects
As I said, they did not have a Narnian Budget. So they worked around that, and I find that deserving of applause, whether or not people agree with me on how well they succeeded. I think they succeeded spectacularly. They used what little computer effects they had available and they used it sparingly, to accent the magic, not create it.
Take, the Sphynx. I remember loving how the Sphynx was done, remember thinking it was the best Sphynx I'd seen on TV. Imagine my surprise when I saw that what I remembered was not some fancy computerized creature, but a beautiful woman in a sphynx costume. The computer gives her very cool eyes, and very cool wings, but other then that, she's just a beautiful woman in furry golden pants and nice make up. But it comes together so well! I'm still impressed with her, I still think she's the best Sphynx I've seen on film. I think it was Neil Gaiman (I could be wrong) who talked about the original Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, and how no one criticized Aslan being a man in a lion costume because that's what you had in those days, and for the people who saw it being created it was beautiful. And that's the feel the Sphynx had, she was simple enough for the budget, but exotic enough that no one question she was a woman wearing furry pants. Same for Medusa: computers gave her fancy eyes and snakes on her head, that's it.
And then they cover her head and eyes for the rest of the movie! As a matter of plot! I love how they get around using their special effects. Like the scene when Miranda Dances. So much will be said about Miranda Dancing.
So yes. I love this movie. I could go on. (And I will). I plan on buying it, it's 6.99 on Amazon, but I have to wait until I find other things I want to buy with it.
On to my next post.
~Phoeiros
Last night, in some bout of whimsy, I decided to google this movie I watched when I was 15. It is titled The Voyage of the Unicorn. Yes. You heard me right. I said The Voyage of the Unicorn.
As I said, I was 15, it was some hot July night, I have no idea where everyone else in the house was, or what they were doing. Because I clearly remember being in the Tv room and watching this movie, and I was the only one there.
For some reason, it left a really deep impression on me. So much so that when I'd finished the movie, I went into my room and in a green glittery pen wrote "FAITH PRECEDES THE MIRACLE" on my bedpost, and dated it. I guess because the theme of the movie really resonated with me, it was all about believing, and well. I believe.
And then, when I was looking up the song on youtube, I discovered something. All cut up into seventeen little sections was the movie in its entirety! There! On youtube! And what could I do, but sit down and watch it? I think I planned on stopping half way through, but could not! I was oddly engrossed. So now I'm going to do a series of posts on the movie because it made me think about a lot of things. First! The Pros and Cons!
CONS! (Or, Why On-ni will probably hate this movie if I make her watch it)
1) The Cheesiness. The Costumes and Special Effects.
It's incredibly cheesy. Ok. I know this. The plot line is not specially developed, there's no real twists or surprises. (Family transported to a magical world! Family must save magical world because there is a prophecy saying they will! Oh no! Where have we heard this before?) This is a low budget TV movie, OK? It was made in 2001, so it has some computer special effects, but it was made for TV, so it definitely does not have a Narnia Budget. The costumes are kinda of hokey, the faeries and magical creatures not especially well done, and for all intents in purposes, it *looks* like a TV movie.
2)The ENDING
Seriously? Seriously, that's how it ends? It was like, Victory Battle! aaaaaaand We're Done! The battle was nicely dramatic, but the wrap up sucked. In that, there was not wrap up. In that, they had like, two minutes to wrap up the movie. I'm sort of convinced the Director went "SHIT! We just made a three hour movie, SHUT IT DOWN, PEOPLE." A good movie needs about 10, maybe 15 minutes of wrap up. Taking it the other way, (*coughcough Return of the King Cough*) and giving it a 45 minute wrap up is lame and no one likes that. But two minutes? Invest a little more time, people!
3)The plot holes.
My personal favorite being everyone sneaking into the troll camp, and then after they steal back the dragon skull, all their friends and allies have been caught and enslaved and the next time you see them they are chained and working in the quarry. I mean, it's the same day people, why are the soul broken working in the quarry? And the love interest! She's seen in chains in her tattered dress and it's like, when did her dress get tattered? Did the trolls decide "You are slave now, you must wear tatters" and rip it up in a fashionable (and clean!) manner just so she'd look the part? Did they have a spare tattered dress for her to put on in the FIVE MINUTES that occurred between scenes?
4)Olaf, the Fat German, I mean Ogre
Olaf the Ogre was picked up like all there other magical allies and then I guess he was left on the ship when everything went down because he was never seen from again. And why was the Ogre a Fat German wearing Liederhosen and was specially touched in the head? Why?
PROS! (Or, why you must watch this and buy it on DVD and save it to force your children to watch it, and your children's children, and their children, Or, the genre convention breaking wonderfulness of it all)
1)The Family
Family gets taken to a magical world and must save magical land because a prophecy says so! But the family is, Get This! A Dad and Two Daughters! I love it! Because parents are almost never allowed on magical journeys! They aren't allowed in Neverland, they aren't allowed in Narnia. (Ok, so there's Tony from 10th Kingdom, but I don't count him since Victoria was an adult too). So I love that Professor Aisling gets to go, and that he's way into it, because he's a Professor of Mythology. Because my Dad would *love* to go on a magical adventure, I think he would have a fun time on one, and I'd like to think he could be included. (Mom might not like it so much. Unless magical realm in question heavily resembled a Greek Island. Then she might not mind so much.)
And I think it's significant that the magical realm doesn't really have a name, it's only referred to as a a World of Imagination. So it's important that an adult and his teenage daughter is included along with the little girl character. Imagination (and magic) is for everyone.
2)The Allies
The Prophecy has some line of "They will free heroes imprisoned" or some such thing. And the heroes they free? The Minotaur, Medusa, and the Sphynx. I love it that their allies are monsters. I think the movie would be very different if the heroes they'd free were say, Theseus, Perseus, and Oedipus. (OK, no one wants to ally with Oedipus, but the point remains.)Because what are monsters imprisoned by? Besides the literal things like labyrinthes, they are imprisoned by the image of them being monsters, and that's what the Aislings free them from. Which leads us to...
3)The Enemies
The enemies are trolls. But the unlike most movies where you can tell bad guys are the bad guys because they're ugly and and dark and gross, like Orcs and other trolls and what not, there's more to this. Because the *allies* are monsters too, so it's not like the trolls are bad guys because they're monsters. Alan (Professor Aisling) tells Malachi (wise figure) "To sail to a place beyond the reach of trolls" And Malachi answers "I have been to your world, Professor Aisling. I saw trolls there too, different shapes and sizes but trolls nonetheless. Trolls are those that fear change" or some such thing. Little Girl Cassie does what she does the entire movie threw and asks the trolls to join them, that she believes the world will accept them despite what they look like. But the trolls don't change. And that's why they're the bad guys: They refuse to change. Not because they are monsters.
4)The Love Interest(s)
So, this movie is not a love story. Romance is not a major factor. The love interests are exactly that: love interests. They're not soul mates or the love of your life or anything epic. They're just people that the main heroes might be interested in for love.
First, there's Sebastian. I love Sebastian. I don't think I loved Sebastian quite this much the first time round, but I think he's awesome. He's an Elf, but he is not your Tolkein Elf. He is shorter than the heroine (Teenage daughter Miranda, more on Miranda later) he has big floppy ears and a very, very pointy nose, and looks more like someone who works for Santa than Orlando Bloom with a bow. When he first sees Miranda we see her through his eyes; her golden hair, shimmering in a golden glow and she's beautiful. (Right before she runs to the side of the ship to throw up). And Sebastian is this rather unattractive dude who's afraid of trolls, stutters sometimes, and is majorly awkward. He is every nerd that was never good enough to get the girl. But he does! (Or the girl gets him, more accurately. He seems very gotten.) There is a distinct lack of hunks in this movie, and I think it's fantastic that Sebastian is all that's there.
Then, there's Medusa. And she's *Medusa*. Enough said, really. Like Sebastain, Medusa deserves some lovin'-- it's her due. But I like how it's handled, really. Because the Mom is dead, and we can figure out she died somewhat recently, and that boundary is there. Dad and Medusa never kiss, they never awkwardly hold hands or have high sexual tension. It's just that the potential is there-- eventually. And I love that, because all to many times I feel like screaming at shows "DUDE YOUR WIFE JUST DIED." So I like how it's handled.
5)The Costumes and the Special Effects
As I said, they did not have a Narnian Budget. So they worked around that, and I find that deserving of applause, whether or not people agree with me on how well they succeeded. I think they succeeded spectacularly. They used what little computer effects they had available and they used it sparingly, to accent the magic, not create it.
Take, the Sphynx. I remember loving how the Sphynx was done, remember thinking it was the best Sphynx I'd seen on TV. Imagine my surprise when I saw that what I remembered was not some fancy computerized creature, but a beautiful woman in a sphynx costume. The computer gives her very cool eyes, and very cool wings, but other then that, she's just a beautiful woman in furry golden pants and nice make up. But it comes together so well! I'm still impressed with her, I still think she's the best Sphynx I've seen on film. I think it was Neil Gaiman (I could be wrong) who talked about the original Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, and how no one criticized Aslan being a man in a lion costume because that's what you had in those days, and for the people who saw it being created it was beautiful. And that's the feel the Sphynx had, she was simple enough for the budget, but exotic enough that no one question she was a woman wearing furry pants. Same for Medusa: computers gave her fancy eyes and snakes on her head, that's it.
And then they cover her head and eyes for the rest of the movie! As a matter of plot! I love how they get around using their special effects. Like the scene when Miranda Dances. So much will be said about Miranda Dancing.
So yes. I love this movie. I could go on. (And I will). I plan on buying it, it's 6.99 on Amazon, but I have to wait until I find other things I want to buy with it.
On to my next post.
~Phoeiros