"and i stepped in line, to walk amongst the dead"
well he's gone now... left around 10:40 am this morning.... i was really surprised to find that I wasn't bawling my eyes out, like last time. I guess i didn't feel the same hopelessness and lost feeling like i did last time. I know he's not going anywhere... i know he loves me... and i know i love him. It really shows too... i mean, how many people would ride 7 hours on a train to NC just to see you, to be with you and your family.... how many people would give up their break which they could be spending w/ their close friends and girlfriend, and come to visit you, silly ol you, living in a dead town, and not have any alt. motive. We didn't do anything, but we didn't have to. It was perfect. I could wake up, and i had a purpose... a reason for living. I was happy... content with my way of life. Its how i imagine being married would be. Completely open and trusting... its what i look for in a relationship. Phaedon isn't without his faults, but i love him for them, i don't shun him for what he is, and what he's been made to be. lol i guess being gorgeous like a god would turn a person that way. lol. I could wake up and go upstairs, look at him lying there asleep in my bed (which i'd given him while i slept downstairs on a cot), and think of how god damned angelic he looked. Then he'd wake up, and I'd sit on the bed, and he'd hold me, not in a really sexual way, but in a loving companion kinda way.... that said... hey, you are really special to me, and i love spending time with you. It is the perfect moment, where time stands still, and you wish that you never had to move ever again. I felt so loved, so wanted, so... beautiful, lying there in his arms... he's such a good friend. I don't know where i'd be without him. He doesn't care that i'm crazy, that i can be girly at points and then really guyish at others.... he likes me for me... (so clichéd... w/e) and of course, everyone knows i absolutly adore him in every possible way. I love being able to tease him, laugh with him, laugh at myself, and not really be all that self concious. I don't have to watch what i'm gonna say, or what i'm gonna do... like i do w/ everyone else. He and steph and sarah probably know me best... and probably are the only people who i'll ever let that deep.... haha cause i don't always pick the best people to trust... i just got lucky with those 2, and was born lucky w/ sarah.
"She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed
She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch to much t.v.
And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when
She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her"
hehe i didn't know it was so noticeable...
Me: phaedon... he has always loved me no matter how weird i am
Me: lol
Sarah: hehe yeah you can tell
Me: u can?
Me: lol
Sarah: and seriously not weird is bad not the other way around
Sarah: of course, i mean would he have come here if he didn't love you?
Me: :)
Sarah: and plus he put up with our family
Sarah: that takes great strenght
ME: yeah... i like being weird... and i kno!!!
Sarah: hehe
anyways... after we dropped him off, i skipped away to school where i was in a light and airy mood all day long... which was great. and i talked w/ katie and jess, and richard... so hopefully everything will work out that way, cause i am really busy and stuff. wow that sounded vague... oh well.
oh and today i wrote lots of poetry stuff, but i don't feel like this is a place where i could really post that kind of thing... might insult people. ::sigh:: i think i'm gonna get rid of this lj and get a new one... i need some more change. but the new one, i'm gonna make friends only... i'm sick of people i don't know reading my journal.
"She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed
She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch to much t.v.
And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when
She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her"
hehe i didn't know it was so noticeable...
Me: phaedon... he has always loved me no matter how weird i am
Me: lol
Sarah: hehe yeah you can tell
Me: u can?
Me: lol
Sarah: and seriously not weird is bad not the other way around
Sarah: of course, i mean would he have come here if he didn't love you?
Me: :)
Sarah: and plus he put up with our family
Sarah: that takes great strenght
ME: yeah... i like being weird... and i kno!!!
Sarah: hehe
anyways... after we dropped him off, i skipped away to school where i was in a light and airy mood all day long... which was great. and i talked w/ katie and jess, and richard... so hopefully everything will work out that way, cause i am really busy and stuff. wow that sounded vague... oh well.
oh and today i wrote lots of poetry stuff, but i don't feel like this is a place where i could really post that kind of thing... might insult people. ::sigh:: i think i'm gonna get rid of this lj and get a new one... i need some more change. but the new one, i'm gonna make friends only... i'm sick of people i don't know reading my journal.