(no subject)
I always forget that I have an LJ. I forget a lot of things about the internet if it isn't Stumble, Facebook, or research stuff...
So, I've recently decided that I'm really *really* tired of all this bullshit I find myself wading in. It's been a long time since I've handled myself this way, so I'm a little rusty, but it's necessary now. It's *been* necessary for a long time...I'm just stubborn as hell. I don't know if this is going to work though. I've been so open and [way overly] emotional for so long, that I dunno how well I'm going to pull off going back to compartmentalizing and bottling. Nows as good a time as any to find out, though! I'll give it a while to work. I want it to work. I'm just so damn tired and nothing else is helping. Not therapy, not medication, not talking to people who want to talk...I'm just frustrating everyone, including myself and this has really got to stop. Just in case it doesn't work though, I've got a contingency plan.
I'm going to start working on all this tomorrow (today? I haven't gone to sleep yet, so tomorrow). Seems appropriate, that on on the anniversary of my mom's murder that I find a way to keep going. And I WILL find a way.
So, I've recently decided that I'm really *really* tired of all this bullshit I find myself wading in. It's been a long time since I've handled myself this way, so I'm a little rusty, but it's necessary now. It's *been* necessary for a long time...I'm just stubborn as hell. I don't know if this is going to work though. I've been so open and [way overly] emotional for so long, that I dunno how well I'm going to pull off going back to compartmentalizing and bottling. Nows as good a time as any to find out, though! I'll give it a while to work. I want it to work. I'm just so damn tired and nothing else is helping. Not therapy, not medication, not talking to people who want to talk...I'm just frustrating everyone, including myself and this has really got to stop. Just in case it doesn't work though, I've got a contingency plan.
I'm going to start working on all this tomorrow (today? I haven't gone to sleep yet, so tomorrow). Seems appropriate, that on on the anniversary of my mom's murder that I find a way to keep going. And I WILL find a way.