It's finally over.
After 3 and half years of dating someone cold and emotionless and who I gave far too many chances, this part of the story is finally over.
A week ago he text me with this:
Before I die from keeping this to myself, I have to say this, so I can finally be free. Stephanie, I love you. My biggest regret is ending our relationship and not being the man you deserve. When i say I love you, I mean I would marry you and do everything I could to make you happy. i know it's too late. I know you are happy.I know I can't ever fix what's been done. But I'm just letting you know that after all this time, after trying to get over you, all that's been going on is my love for you has been made clear, and I'm dying inside because I know it will never be. Stephanie, I'm not asking you to reply or anything. this is something I needed to say because it's been with me for months now, with a few broken attempts at being happy, I realize I never will be because I think about you always. Sorry I won.t bother you, just really needed to say this once and for all. I love you, I miss you and I wish I could do it all over the right way. fuck what anyone says. This is what's in my heart. Goodbye. I'm a fool who can't let go, though i know I have to. Don't worry, Stephanie. I will keep this feeling forever, I finally know what love is. A little too late, but now I know.
I never responded.
Today he messages me this:
Love, I know you won't speak to me, but this is to do with the apartment. you can call mom and she will tell you, or you can talk to me. I'm staying at the apartment and they won't hand the deposit back until I move out, which is next year or later. But I need you to come to the apartment office to sign something stating that you are finished with the apartment and that the deposit is forfeit to me, or you can wait until I move out. I can pay you little by little, or if you need something I can buy it for you with the credit card, I'd be more than happy to do that for you. I wasn't expecting them to keep the deposit, but that's what they're doing. In any case, I will give you the money in full, just...I can't pull what was it, $400 out of thin air. I haven't forgotten and I will do anything you want. Just let me now soon, cause the paper has to be signed asap since the stupid office needs this now. Call me or text me, please.
I talked to my mom and she told me not to sign anything unless he gives me the money first.
I text him back:
Me: I won't sign anything until I get the money. Mom said not to sign it until then. Or give me the tv.
Him: We can sign that all the money goes to you, but like I said, they're not going to give the deposit until I move out. That's why I'm saying that I can give you the money. We have to sign something since the lease is over. You guys can come, I'm not trying to do you wrong. I don't have the tv.
Me: What did you do with the tv.
Him: I sold it and got something else just last month.
Me: Well that's $600 I paid on that tv.
Him: Why you worried about the tv now? That was done and over with. I'm transferring $400 from my credit card to my account, I didn't know I could do that. You're going to get the money very soon. But I need you to sign.
Me: Fine, just give me the money.
Him: I don't understand why you are worried about the tv now. If you must know, I got another tv. You don't even talk to me. I wish you would. Hell I'd give you the $600 if you would just talk to me normally. I'd do anything.
Me: Are you going to have the money ready when I go over there?
Him: Okay, I have the $400. Can you come tomorrow? I really need you to sign that paper, so I can stay here. Yes. All I have to do is go to the bank. I will go in the morning. Is that ok? I already transferred the money.
Me: I can come now tomorrow there will be too much rain. Go get the money now.
Him: Oh, well let me call the office then and see if they even have the paper ready. Can I call you?
Me: What for?
Him: Sigh, cause this texting is bullcrap.
Me: I don't like talking on the phone.
Him: ...Ok. So how are we going to do this? I have to go to the bank. You coming to the house? If you ever need anything...I'm here...I'm not the same, just letting you know.
Me: Meet at the office.
Him: They close at 6, so whenever you're ready.
Me: Ok, going now. Go to the bank. Once I get the money I'll sign whatever papers you need.
Him: I wish you would just talk to me.
Me: Going now.
Him: I'll be there soon.
Me: Here.
I go there with my mom cause I didn't want to go alone. I was scared that he was going to try to hug me or my mom. My mom was scared of that too. Luckily he didn't. He handed me the money and then stood by the doorway. I looked at the floor the whole time. I didn't want to talk to him. I was just angry. He tried making conversation with my mom as we waited for them to get everything ready. It was extremely awkward. I saw that he was almost at the point of tears. He tried to control himself. He thinks I didn't see. I saw. Every time he talked to my mom, I could hear the emotion in his voice. But all I felt was anger. No tears. It really took like two seconds to sign and it was done. And I felt relief it was finally over then I get texts from him again as I sit in the passenger sit of my mom's car.
Him: So that's it? If this is it, then I'm going to tell you that I love you...more than you ever thought. I will always love you, and will always hope that one day we can talk. I know you have a man now. I'm saying that regardless, my heart belongs to you. I realized late, but I realized. I would do anything for you. I wish you knew this. I would. I wish I could have talked to you. But you didn't even look. My heart is broken. I don't blame you. But it is broken, because I now know the pain you felt. I miss you, I miss your mom, and you will always be the love of my life. Everything I said about being happy was a lire. I'm a mess. Ever since you left. I've been worse. I take everything I ever did wrong to you back. I know life isn't easy, but it's how I feel. I would give anything to laugh with you again... now all I do is cry. Nothing. No one, comes close to you. Seeing you again... I can't take it...I can't control myself anymore...I'm sorry...I can barely breathe now...Stephanie, I miss you so much.
Me: You need to stop. I don't love you anymore. You need to move on, you'll find someone else to love. You just have to be open to it and risk all even if you get hurt along the way.
Him: I know you don't...I know. But all I could think about is you...I can't move on...I can't...I'm nothing without you. I'm a fucking wreck...Every day that passes...is not but hell for me without you.
Me: I'm changing my number.
Him: It's alright. My feelings are out. Is all I wanted. I can see you wouldn't even dream of talking to me. I understand. You have a good life, Stephanie. You deserve the best. God bless you and your family. Goodbye.
So I changed my number. He was going to keep texting me if I didn't. He had plenty of chances. And he expects me to be okay and pretend like all that was nothing just cause he had an epiphany and he now knows he loves me. No, sorry life just doesn't work that way. I'm happy now. I have a wonderful boyfriend. And now that it has come to a close, hopefully this drama will be over now.
A week ago he text me with this:
Before I die from keeping this to myself, I have to say this, so I can finally be free. Stephanie, I love you. My biggest regret is ending our relationship and not being the man you deserve. When i say I love you, I mean I would marry you and do everything I could to make you happy. i know it's too late. I know you are happy.I know I can't ever fix what's been done. But I'm just letting you know that after all this time, after trying to get over you, all that's been going on is my love for you has been made clear, and I'm dying inside because I know it will never be. Stephanie, I'm not asking you to reply or anything. this is something I needed to say because it's been with me for months now, with a few broken attempts at being happy, I realize I never will be because I think about you always. Sorry I won.t bother you, just really needed to say this once and for all. I love you, I miss you and I wish I could do it all over the right way. fuck what anyone says. This is what's in my heart. Goodbye. I'm a fool who can't let go, though i know I have to. Don't worry, Stephanie. I will keep this feeling forever, I finally know what love is. A little too late, but now I know.
I never responded.
Today he messages me this:
Love, I know you won't speak to me, but this is to do with the apartment. you can call mom and she will tell you, or you can talk to me. I'm staying at the apartment and they won't hand the deposit back until I move out, which is next year or later. But I need you to come to the apartment office to sign something stating that you are finished with the apartment and that the deposit is forfeit to me, or you can wait until I move out. I can pay you little by little, or if you need something I can buy it for you with the credit card, I'd be more than happy to do that for you. I wasn't expecting them to keep the deposit, but that's what they're doing. In any case, I will give you the money in full, just...I can't pull what was it, $400 out of thin air. I haven't forgotten and I will do anything you want. Just let me now soon, cause the paper has to be signed asap since the stupid office needs this now. Call me or text me, please.
I talked to my mom and she told me not to sign anything unless he gives me the money first.
I text him back:
Me: I won't sign anything until I get the money. Mom said not to sign it until then. Or give me the tv.
Him: We can sign that all the money goes to you, but like I said, they're not going to give the deposit until I move out. That's why I'm saying that I can give you the money. We have to sign something since the lease is over. You guys can come, I'm not trying to do you wrong. I don't have the tv.
Me: What did you do with the tv.
Him: I sold it and got something else just last month.
Me: Well that's $600 I paid on that tv.
Him: Why you worried about the tv now? That was done and over with. I'm transferring $400 from my credit card to my account, I didn't know I could do that. You're going to get the money very soon. But I need you to sign.
Me: Fine, just give me the money.
Him: I don't understand why you are worried about the tv now. If you must know, I got another tv. You don't even talk to me. I wish you would. Hell I'd give you the $600 if you would just talk to me normally. I'd do anything.
Me: Are you going to have the money ready when I go over there?
Him: Okay, I have the $400. Can you come tomorrow? I really need you to sign that paper, so I can stay here. Yes. All I have to do is go to the bank. I will go in the morning. Is that ok? I already transferred the money.
Me: I can come now tomorrow there will be too much rain. Go get the money now.
Him: Oh, well let me call the office then and see if they even have the paper ready. Can I call you?
Me: What for?
Him: Sigh, cause this texting is bullcrap.
Me: I don't like talking on the phone.
Him: ...Ok. So how are we going to do this? I have to go to the bank. You coming to the house? If you ever need anything...I'm here...I'm not the same, just letting you know.
Me: Meet at the office.
Him: They close at 6, so whenever you're ready.
Me: Ok, going now. Go to the bank. Once I get the money I'll sign whatever papers you need.
Him: I wish you would just talk to me.
Me: Going now.
Him: I'll be there soon.
Me: Here.
I go there with my mom cause I didn't want to go alone. I was scared that he was going to try to hug me or my mom. My mom was scared of that too. Luckily he didn't. He handed me the money and then stood by the doorway. I looked at the floor the whole time. I didn't want to talk to him. I was just angry. He tried making conversation with my mom as we waited for them to get everything ready. It was extremely awkward. I saw that he was almost at the point of tears. He tried to control himself. He thinks I didn't see. I saw. Every time he talked to my mom, I could hear the emotion in his voice. But all I felt was anger. No tears. It really took like two seconds to sign and it was done. And I felt relief it was finally over then I get texts from him again as I sit in the passenger sit of my mom's car.
Him: So that's it? If this is it, then I'm going to tell you that I love you...more than you ever thought. I will always love you, and will always hope that one day we can talk. I know you have a man now. I'm saying that regardless, my heart belongs to you. I realized late, but I realized. I would do anything for you. I wish you knew this. I would. I wish I could have talked to you. But you didn't even look. My heart is broken. I don't blame you. But it is broken, because I now know the pain you felt. I miss you, I miss your mom, and you will always be the love of my life. Everything I said about being happy was a lire. I'm a mess. Ever since you left. I've been worse. I take everything I ever did wrong to you back. I know life isn't easy, but it's how I feel. I would give anything to laugh with you again... now all I do is cry. Nothing. No one, comes close to you. Seeing you again... I can't take it...I can't control myself anymore...I'm sorry...I can barely breathe now...Stephanie, I miss you so much.
Me: You need to stop. I don't love you anymore. You need to move on, you'll find someone else to love. You just have to be open to it and risk all even if you get hurt along the way.
Him: I know you don't...I know. But all I could think about is you...I can't move on...I can't...I'm nothing without you. I'm a fucking wreck...Every day that passes...is not but hell for me without you.
Me: I'm changing my number.
Him: It's alright. My feelings are out. Is all I wanted. I can see you wouldn't even dream of talking to me. I understand. You have a good life, Stephanie. You deserve the best. God bless you and your family. Goodbye.
So I changed my number. He was going to keep texting me if I didn't. He had plenty of chances. And he expects me to be okay and pretend like all that was nothing just cause he had an epiphany and he now knows he loves me. No, sorry life just doesn't work that way. I'm happy now. I have a wonderful boyfriend. And now that it has come to a close, hopefully this drama will be over now.