(no subject)
Battling depression is not an easy thing. And I am struggling right now. I can barely control my sadness and it is over whelming. Maybe it's because my boyfriend hasn't found a job and our fiances are rough.
Maybe it's because I haven't lost weight as quickly as I thought I would with my surgery.
Maybe it's because my boyfriend is so emotionally closed off and can be down right hurtful when he is in a bad mood. Or the fact I seem to be the one that has to work on my personality flaws more than he is. Or maybe it's his insenisivity.
I really don't know. But right now I feel like emotional garbage and haven't been able to stop crying for a while now.
I don't even think how hurtful he can e towards me because he just doesn't understand why I think the way I do. And constantly tells me I am wrong.
I am starting to have doubts. And I am scared shit less.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hate myself and feel like there is something wrong with me. But that is how I constantly feel. And he makes me feel like that. That there is something wrong with me. But only me.
No matter how hard I try nothing seems to work out in my favor. Maybe it's time I just give up.
I know he loves me. I just wish he was more sensitive and empathetic. But no matter how many times I ask him to work on it. He doesn't.
Doubts have definitely begun.
Maybe it's because I haven't lost weight as quickly as I thought I would with my surgery.
Maybe it's because my boyfriend is so emotionally closed off and can be down right hurtful when he is in a bad mood. Or the fact I seem to be the one that has to work on my personality flaws more than he is. Or maybe it's his insenisivity.
I really don't know. But right now I feel like emotional garbage and haven't been able to stop crying for a while now.
I don't even think how hurtful he can e towards me because he just doesn't understand why I think the way I do. And constantly tells me I am wrong.
I am starting to have doubts. And I am scared shit less.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hate myself and feel like there is something wrong with me. But that is how I constantly feel. And he makes me feel like that. That there is something wrong with me. But only me.
No matter how hard I try nothing seems to work out in my favor. Maybe it's time I just give up.
I know he loves me. I just wish he was more sensitive and empathetic. But no matter how many times I ask him to work on it. He doesn't.
Doubts have definitely begun.