Son of a bitch
So today I've turned 23 years old. And I can't bring myself to feel happy about that. Never mind that it's pouring outside with quite a bit of lightning. It's not that I'm sad or angry or any such emotion. Perhaps more of a melancholy.
And it's not specifically about my birthday. I hate birthdays in general. Something I've said more than twice. The reason for that is because the measurement of time is a false thing. An illusion. There is no such thing as an hour, or a month, or a year. All the same, the passage of time is still real. So when I have a number to go along side it, I go into that contemplative mode over the past two decades and two years before. At least the last 15: the parts I remember. And that's what brings about this melancholy.
Let's just say I don't have the fondest outlook over things. Well, you all know that.
But this isn't one of those I'm depressed posts. The reason I disabled the comments was so that no one could say happy birthday. Really though, I'm quite amused over the whole thing. Yes, along with that melancholy. My emotions never seem to be very straight forward.
I can say though that the past few months have been an up from previous ones. And it looks like it'll be better. For me that is. The world I can't help but feel is turning to a much larger piece of garbage. But that's another entry.
Love you all.
And it's not specifically about my birthday. I hate birthdays in general. Something I've said more than twice. The reason for that is because the measurement of time is a false thing. An illusion. There is no such thing as an hour, or a month, or a year. All the same, the passage of time is still real. So when I have a number to go along side it, I go into that contemplative mode over the past two decades and two years before. At least the last 15: the parts I remember. And that's what brings about this melancholy.
Let's just say I don't have the fondest outlook over things. Well, you all know that.
But this isn't one of those I'm depressed posts. The reason I disabled the comments was so that no one could say happy birthday. Really though, I'm quite amused over the whole thing. Yes, along with that melancholy. My emotions never seem to be very straight forward.
I can say though that the past few months have been an up from previous ones. And it looks like it'll be better. For me that is. The world I can't help but feel is turning to a much larger piece of garbage. But that's another entry.
Love you all.