meanderings of my freakishly random mind...some of which may be profound and deep, but no promises
The more tired I get the more random and strange I have discovered I can be. That sentence probably doesn't even make sense. But anywho, there have been several things on my mind of late and I noticed I have not updated in about a week so...I will try and expound.
So...first thing, I am amazed at how many muscles in my body that I never noticed before I now am acutely aware of...when I am so sore I can barely move my arms or legs in any direction without a twinge of pain from at least one area of my body. This is of course because I began my snowboarding class yesterday after having only gone once before, oh about three years ago, perhaps more. I hope the pain goes away by Wednesday so I am not stiff when I try and rock climb.
Yes, I am aware that it was probably not the best idea to attempt two very physical PE type classes in one semester. However, I am banking on it not acutally killing, but instead, making a strong and fit person. Or at least making me relatively skilled at something that my brothers have not mastered...I know, I know I just need to grow up and stop harboring resentment for my so talented siblings. In my defense I am a lot better off than I was say 5 years ago.
Lemon.
I did a review for The Crescent. I don't know how good it is...I think my creative juices ebb and flow. Like the Ocean. Which is why, though I do entertain the thought now and again, I could never be a writer or anything in journalism. Which is okay, I mean if everyone could do it, then it wouldn't be specialized field.
I am applying to an internship with the National Air and Space Museum in Washington DC. It would be so awesome if I could get it. It would be $4,500 stipend, and if I could stay with my cousin in Arlington I could haul in most of that money and use it for school. Which according to my mom I really need to be saving for next year. Apparently, because of the way FASA works I will basically not be getting any kind of aide for next year. I don't know what to do...I mean if I don't get enough money I can't expect my parents to scrape along just so I can go to Fox. I know they wouldn't like this, especially not my dad (partially, I think because he feels guilty if he doesn't "provide properly" for his children), but maybe I should take some time, like a semester, off.
This would make me sad because I wouldn't be graduating with my friends, nor would I be able to take certain classes I want to take because of the time (certain ones are only taught every other year). Maybe I could go part time to OSU or something so I wouldn't have to start paying my debt yet. I only get 6 months after I graduate...or maybe I could just get a derferment, since I only would be taking time off to earn enough to finish college...I don't know. As many of my friends know, I am the queen of over-thinking and analyzing situations. Perhaps that is what I am doing with a tiny comment my mom made...
Other things I have been pondering involve men and my desire to be dating...stupid, childish things...
Such as, why is it, that I have basically been rejected by every guy I have ever tried to be with...is it because I tried for guys who weren't right? If that is true, why does God allow me to be attracted to them? I know in my heart God is good and kind, but when He puts people through so much pain...I struggle, I have doubts. I know God forgives me for these doubts, but they don't ever stop entirely...is it such an aweful thing for God to internvene just a little in my life in a postive way? I shouldn't say that, I could make a pretty long list of all the good things God has done for me...on the other hand I could also make a list of the bad things He has allowed to happen, because of choices I have made or whatever...free will and all that. I know I shouldn't complain because I have life so much better than...well probably thousands, in not more, people.
I just wish life was easier to bare...damn the fall...human nature sucks, and the generations before us have screwed us over and we don't fix it we just make the problem worse.
Wow...this is turning very negative, very quickly...it is so strange because I don't feel all that depressed. I suppose if you spend the day basically alone, not being able to talk to anyone, sore as all get out, then maybe the mood does tend towards the melancoly.
However, lets try to end this on a high note...I am going to Russia in May and I am so excited it actually feels as though my heart swells in chest just thinking about it, my breath catches, and I can't stop smiling...much like the symptoms of being in love I suppose....ha...okay, if I get started on that I will be here all night. I better sign off.
So...first thing, I am amazed at how many muscles in my body that I never noticed before I now am acutely aware of...when I am so sore I can barely move my arms or legs in any direction without a twinge of pain from at least one area of my body. This is of course because I began my snowboarding class yesterday after having only gone once before, oh about three years ago, perhaps more. I hope the pain goes away by Wednesday so I am not stiff when I try and rock climb.
Yes, I am aware that it was probably not the best idea to attempt two very physical PE type classes in one semester. However, I am banking on it not acutally killing, but instead, making a strong and fit person. Or at least making me relatively skilled at something that my brothers have not mastered...I know, I know I just need to grow up and stop harboring resentment for my so talented siblings. In my defense I am a lot better off than I was say 5 years ago.
Lemon.
I did a review for The Crescent. I don't know how good it is...I think my creative juices ebb and flow. Like the Ocean. Which is why, though I do entertain the thought now and again, I could never be a writer or anything in journalism. Which is okay, I mean if everyone could do it, then it wouldn't be specialized field.
I am applying to an internship with the National Air and Space Museum in Washington DC. It would be so awesome if I could get it. It would be $4,500 stipend, and if I could stay with my cousin in Arlington I could haul in most of that money and use it for school. Which according to my mom I really need to be saving for next year. Apparently, because of the way FASA works I will basically not be getting any kind of aide for next year. I don't know what to do...I mean if I don't get enough money I can't expect my parents to scrape along just so I can go to Fox. I know they wouldn't like this, especially not my dad (partially, I think because he feels guilty if he doesn't "provide properly" for his children), but maybe I should take some time, like a semester, off.
This would make me sad because I wouldn't be graduating with my friends, nor would I be able to take certain classes I want to take because of the time (certain ones are only taught every other year). Maybe I could go part time to OSU or something so I wouldn't have to start paying my debt yet. I only get 6 months after I graduate...or maybe I could just get a derferment, since I only would be taking time off to earn enough to finish college...I don't know. As many of my friends know, I am the queen of over-thinking and analyzing situations. Perhaps that is what I am doing with a tiny comment my mom made...
Other things I have been pondering involve men and my desire to be dating...stupid, childish things...
Such as, why is it, that I have basically been rejected by every guy I have ever tried to be with...is it because I tried for guys who weren't right? If that is true, why does God allow me to be attracted to them? I know in my heart God is good and kind, but when He puts people through so much pain...I struggle, I have doubts. I know God forgives me for these doubts, but they don't ever stop entirely...is it such an aweful thing for God to internvene just a little in my life in a postive way? I shouldn't say that, I could make a pretty long list of all the good things God has done for me...on the other hand I could also make a list of the bad things He has allowed to happen, because of choices I have made or whatever...free will and all that. I know I shouldn't complain because I have life so much better than...well probably thousands, in not more, people.
I just wish life was easier to bare...damn the fall...human nature sucks, and the generations before us have screwed us over and we don't fix it we just make the problem worse.
Wow...this is turning very negative, very quickly...it is so strange because I don't feel all that depressed. I suppose if you spend the day basically alone, not being able to talk to anyone, sore as all get out, then maybe the mood does tend towards the melancoly.
However, lets try to end this on a high note...I am going to Russia in May and I am so excited it actually feels as though my heart swells in chest just thinking about it, my breath catches, and I can't stop smiling...much like the symptoms of being in love I suppose....ha...okay, if I get started on that I will be here all night. I better sign off.