frustrations in type.
I feel I have nothing new to say. Rehashing the same old moans, but somehow it helps me not to yell. I feel far away from him, even though he lies there not 5 feet away from me, sleeping on the couch. Soft snores escape his lips, as his chest moves inperceptibly.
Locked in a mood, trapped in a feeling, can't let go. If I was stronger, as strong as he thinks I am. If I try and live up to what he believes I am, who he thinks he married, will it become true? Or will I just fall further, deeper into this cycle.
How could a person feel rejected by strangers? All they know of me is my resume. And yet, they don't even want that, which is professional, they don't like me even before they meet me. It is unfair, and yet, acceptable in the world. How can I make them want me? What can I do?
He shifts. Switching his head from one side of the couch to the other, tucking his legs back. As I type this, a breeze lifts the blinds and light catches my ring. Sparkling reminding me of how he loves me. How many times has he told me? I do believe him, but the little voices tell me different, tell me he loves an illusion. Someone I was before, when I had a purpose.
Locked in a mood, trapped in a feeling, can't let go. If I was stronger, as strong as he thinks I am. If I try and live up to what he believes I am, who he thinks he married, will it become true? Or will I just fall further, deeper into this cycle.
How could a person feel rejected by strangers? All they know of me is my resume. And yet, they don't even want that, which is professional, they don't like me even before they meet me. It is unfair, and yet, acceptable in the world. How can I make them want me? What can I do?
He shifts. Switching his head from one side of the couch to the other, tucking his legs back. As I type this, a breeze lifts the blinds and light catches my ring. Sparkling reminding me of how he loves me. How many times has he told me? I do believe him, but the little voices tell me different, tell me he loves an illusion. Someone I was before, when I had a purpose.